“Father, make of me a crisis man. Bring those I contact to decision. Let me not be a milepost on a single road;
make me a fork
, that men must turn one way or another on facing Christ in me.” - Jim Elliot

Friday, December 14, 2007

The Friendships of Women #5

Thoughts on Chapter 6, The Risk of Love

For Spring Break this past year, Anthony, Christopher and I went to Mexico. Christopher loooves to go swimming. As we saw him at the top of this ledge, we thought to ourselves, "Wow! Look how close Christopher is to that ledge. He'll back away from it quickly. He would never take that risk."

I have had some of my friends (yes, I know I do have friends) talk to me about being almost too vulnerable on my posts about friendships. Some are concerned, some have asked how I am doing, some discussed why they haven't left a comment, or some wonder how I can vacillate so quickly between loneliness and contentment.

Trust me. I do not like being vulnerable. Sharing my deep dark thoughts... well, that might make me look needy. It might make people think that I am talking about them. Well, I am needy and I am talking about some of you.

I am so tired of being on this roller coaster of uncertainty. I long to be content, mature and healthy in my friendships. The Lord has been saying to me... let's flesh this out. Let's work through the pain. And by the way, let's explore where this pain came from. So, it's okay. I really want to work this through.

And guess what? I am not alone. But you know what? I thought I was. Really! I didn't think other women wondered why they weren't included in a luncheon that their friends had together. That they might feel rejected. And oh, by the way, I've made other women feel that way, too. Ouch!

So, interestingly enough, my vulnerability has sparked your vulnerability. It is bringing us closer together. So, my risk, in the long run... has become my reward.

Well, we were wrong about Christopher. He dove (er, cannonballed) right in... and then again and again. You know what? He had the time of his life. He had never done anything like this before, but he was willing to take the risk... jump completely in... and discover this was actually fun.

How about you? Let's go grab our bathing suits. I promise, no pictures!


Heather said...

I for one appreciate your reflective posts on this topic! Good job!

love, Heather

Anonymous said...

Your posts are always inspiring to read. Posting seems to work better today.
Love Ruth

Kentucky Bound said...

I came across your site while doing some blog surfing at 5AM. I have to tell you I was mesmerized from the first paragraph. You described me to a "T". Things that I've been feeling, hurts that have been plaguing me . . . I just wanted to thank you for sharing your reflections on this wonderful book and on your life in general. I will definitely travel back through blogland to visit you and feast upon your future posts.

Thank you. . . and have a blessed and very Merry Christmas.

Anonymous said...

Hope this wasn't for me because it has been a very long time since I checked out your blog.

I am very thankful for your friendship! However, you should also probably know I would rather put on my BIKINI and cannonball into the pool with Chrisopher than make myself vulnerable. It's a character flaw I'm working on. Hope you're patient, some people are slower than others!

By the way you would make an amazing rock star! Talent show?