“Father, make of me a crisis man. Bring those I contact to decision. Let me not be a milepost on a single road;
make me a fork
, that men must turn one way or another on facing Christ in me.” - Jim Elliot

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Fruit of the Spirit: Giving Birth to JOY

Excerpts from My Pregnancy Journal 1999

(I would encourage you to read yesterday's post prior to this post for more background information...)

January 7, 1999
OB/GYN was very kind. Recommended I see a postpartum psychiatrist now. He even felt I could up my Synthroid… What a relief. [Unfortunately, Endocrinologist didn't agree.]

It’s hard to explain/admit my emotional state. I haven’t adjusted well to the pregnancy and I can find no joy or excitement in your upcoming arrival. I want to enjoy your birth and you! This should be a time of anticipation. Not fear or dread.

February 9th
I’ve begun to see a postpartum psychiatrist. She made 2 statements that really were memorable to me:

1. Becoming a mom is a development phase. Essentially, I’m not going through this phase very smoothly, and I need some help.

2. Although past issues may have been resolved, pregnancy is dredging them up again.

My friend said something similar to this. I was telling her that I feel ungrateful about you. She said she has not known me to be ungrateful. Perhaps there are issues that are just on top of the gratefulness.

All of these statements are encouraging. I am basically so into this depression, I can’t see what’s really going on.

March 3rd
I try to watch a “Baby’s Story” everyday. It helps to see the anticipation of the arrival of the baby and the JOY afterwards. I’m beginning to believe that I will be surprised at how much your birth will change my feelings. To JOY and love. Just trying to be optimistic.

April 19th
OB/GYN suggested inducement of labor on April 28th! Sounds like you’ll be an April baby! Your dad says this has lifted my spirits. He is right. Knowing an end is near. And a beginning, too!

April 23rd
You are born! You are so adorable! We just love you. 10 lbs. 21.25 inches. What a big and wonderful baby.

April 24th
Yesterday and today were gorgeous days. I can’t wait to get you home and share a beautiful summer with you. I love you, pumpkin. Love, Mom

April 25th
We’ve fallen for you much harder and quicker then we expected. You’ve captivated us.

May 12th
Visited psychiatrist today. Asked when I should reschedule my next appointment. She said that she could not justify seeing me again. I was doing just fine. And you know what? She was right! No postpartum depression.

What an amazing transformation I see over the last few months of my pregnancy. Once I admitted to myself and to Anthony and my OB/GYN that something wasn’t right…

It was the beginning of me choosing JOY.

Even through the end of the pregnancy I was scared to death… but I began trusting that the Lord was in control. Although the emotions were still there… PEACE began to settle in… and then… by the time our precious “little” boy was born… I was the most JOYFUL mother ever… and to this day.

I pray that God,
the source of hope,
will fill you completely
with joy and peace
because you trust in him.

Then you will overflow
with confident hope
through the power of the Holy Spirit.
Romans 15:13 NLT


Tanner Family Blog said...

Your posts are such a great reminder to me to keep a journal. How important that is!

BP said...

Thank you for sharing your heart through your journal entries. I can really see a change. That is so great to read and really see the change.

a portland granny said...

How wonderful that you sought out help during this bleak time in your life....and better yet, that your joy was restored and you fell totally and wholly in love with that baby boy for all time and eternity!!

I know today you thank God every day for His precious gift to you in your sweet boy, Christopher!!

Thanks for sharing all of the wide and varied emotions that you experienced.

I was thinking that there are dry times in our lives, regardless of the circumstances, when joy seems to elude us and it takes work, prayer, and determination to feel restored to the joy of the Lord.

elaine @ peace for the journey said...

My kids are my joy. And while I loved my pregnancies, I struggled with being a mom to tiny babies. I do so much better now, but at the time, I wondered what was wrong with me.

God is gracious to allow us such a holy privilege. Parenting will be my perfection in the end.


rhonda a. said...

Sheri, it's so wonderful that you have a written account, proof that He answers our prayers; is there and cares for us and has boundless amounts of grace, mercy and love for us... even when we go through life's challenges and can't see beyond our circumstances. I thank you for sharing your thoughts and for the much needed encouragement :D

elizabeth embracing life said...

Thanks so much for sharing and the importance to know that JOY is a choice. I mean really who can bask in joy naturally when things are not going well, it's a choice and embracing that choice the day your big baby was born. And I thought I had biggies.

Ms.Daisy said...

Back then, (in the olden days) when I had my second child and suffered post-partum depression, no one knew what it was. I was told, in so many words, get over it. But, God was (and is) so wonderful -- He was in my life when I really needed Him and I was able to overcome the sadness.
Thank you for sharing your journal memories with us.



Your blog is so rich and uplifting... thank you....sometimes just when I need to hear the words....there they are!!