Friday, October 3, 2008
I was accused of being a perfectionist. I was shocked and aghast! I have never considered myself to be a "perfectionist"... why just look at how imperfect I am!
Look at how messy my car is! or how unorganized my spare room is! or how I leave dishes in the sink... and don't make my bed! How I normally just want to get the job done more than I want a well done job. I mean, really!
But the person who pointed it out... is very truthful... and she knows me... very well... and I have given her permission to call me on the carpet. So, I really had to consider it. She didn't say it flippantly or without thought. She saw it in me... and for my benefit... confronted me with it. In love. Having prayed over me.
I immediately thought about my blog... especially my Substandard post. All the unwritten words... or written and kept in draft because they just weren't good enough. Words that could have brought hope or healing... left unsaid... because I am afraid of what you might think.
I think of my friendships. How I want everyone to like me... and when there is someone who continues to reject me... how might I win them over?
I think of Christopher and how I want him to succeed in school. But deep down... not only succeed, but to be better than most.
I think of my health and how I want to not have to deal with the ups and downs of having Thyroid Cancer, and low calcium, and clinical depression.
I think of how I feel after leading my Bible Study table on Tuesdays... wondering if I made a difference or did I offend someone?
And why did my friend see the need to talk to me about it? Because, she wants me to relax. She wants me to depend on God and not myself for the outcome. She wants me to be okay with the ordinary because sometimes that is what is called for... and she sees it in herself... and wants me to pray for her, too.
So, what about you? Is there an area of you life in which you are a perfectionist? Let me know... and we can pray about it together...