“Father, make of me a crisis man. Bring those I contact to decision. Let me not be a milepost on a single road;
make me a fork
, that men must turn one way or another on facing Christ in me.” - Jim Elliot

Monday, March 9, 2009

I'm Angry!

Fresh Snow this Morning...

Last week, I decided to stop blogging.

After teaching last Tuesday on Abigail... I believed the lie that I was told. "You didn't do it. You weren't good enough. You were telling people things they already knew. You sighed too often. You crossed your arms. You made exaggerated statements. Why did you think you should be up there teaching?"

And so, if I was that poor of a teacher... why did I feel that my random musings via blogworld would be any different?

When asked by a friend* "How did it go?" I said, "It went."

Despite the fact that one of the ladies at my table said to me that she wanted to pick up my challenge to be an Abigail (or Jonathan) to someone who is in an Abigail-like situation. Despite the fact that my pastor's wife commended me on Facebook for all to see. Despite the encouraging words of ladies I love and I adore... and more importantly... I trust.

But what is worse... It was despite the fact that I was obedient to what God asked me to do... and even more so... despite all of the intercession that had occurred on my behalf... and finally despite the fact that I truly knew it was "not about me" and that God would have to be the one to "bring it"...

Yet, the lie was easier to believe. I wondered... was it false humility? Perhaps. But the lie was strong and deep and it was carefully mastered. Almost as if the lie came from someone who would want to tear me to shreds... so that I would shut up... hold back... sink within myself...

And frankly, it worked... this week I have been suffering from PTD (post-teaching depression).

But God would not let me stay there. During church service on Sunday, we had a guest speaker who spoke to us about

guilt vs. grace
shame vs. righteousness
condemnation vs. conviction.

And I got angry. Angry for being lied to. Angry for believing the lie.

And I realized that I must not be the only one who feels this way, so I immediately ran home and wrote an e-mail to the gal who is teaching this Tuesday. And I am praying for her before she teaches... and during her teaching... but now I know to pray for her AFTER she teaches.

Then, I knew that I should post about this week of weakness. Because it wasn't just for my benefit, but for yours.

And so, I again cling to these words penned by the apostle Paul...

4My message and my preaching
were not with wise and persuasive words,

but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power,

5so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom,
but on God's power.

1 Corinthians 2:4-5 NIV

I don't understand why it is easier to believe a lie about ourselves... especially when we are the one speaking it. Sisters, we must remember who we are in Christ. We must remind each other and encourage each other. We must use what we have learned during our weak times to strengthen those around us.

...that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith.
Romans 1:12 NIV


SusanM said...

Thank You, Lord, for Your persistance in drawing us to Yourself and reminding us of the TRUTH. Thank You, in particular, for revealing to Sheri this lie, which had the potential to destroy the powerful ministry You have given her. As one who has been touched by both the person and the ministry, I am truly thankful.

Rhonda Azari said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Deborah said...

I understand completely where you are coming from and I've believed the lies too. Every Monday night I get in the car and drill my mother...did it sound okay, did I hurt anyone's feelings, what did I say, why am I doing this? I haven't suffered enough to be a teacher, I haven't studied enough...But God says, yes you have, He uses the weak to speak His words, He uses the inadequate to teach and the foolish to lead. So I guess I fall into all of those catagories!

Just know that God put you in that study for a reason. The words He spoke through you needed to be heard...and it might have been meant just for the teacher!

just lisa said...

I would be so sad if you stopped blogging...I love coming here for encouragement and you are always a blessing Sheri! God Bless you!!

Take Care!!


elaine @ peace for the journey said...

Is that what they call it? PTD? Girl, email me. We need to talk! I've had it for nearly 2 weeks now, and it has nearly done me in. I think all teachers buy into the lie of the enemy; honestly, it was all I could do to croak through facilitating Bible study tonight.

Still and yet, God showed up in spite of me.

No, you are not the only one. I'm mad too!

PS: The enemy has also tried his best to get me to stop blogging.

elizabeth embracing life said...

Oh Sheri, Do I just want to hug you. I spoke at our women's conference a few weeks ago. I know the amount of prayer that went into this night. I knew the ladies who soaked me in prayer. I know the weeks of prep. that I did being mindful of the Holy Spirit guiding me. I was blessed by so many afterwards, who heard the words of my heart and then it hit me.

I am a failure. I sucked!!! What am I doing sharing in front of so many women, 100's of women? Why would God want to use my life? I was depressed within myself and it was then, me not being the depressed type, knew that Saton was trying to confuse me. Confusion is not of our Lord. I kicked the thoughts to the curb as fast as I could and started thanking God for the honor of bringing Glory to His name. Godly women chose me, so there must be something about my life that God wanted to use, even if it humbled me, scared me, and later depressed me. I have to trust 100%, not just before but after. What a great post.

just lisa said...

Hey Sheri, just stopped by to check on ya. Hoping that you are feeling better about things!!

Will keep you in my prayers!!

God Bless you!!