“Father, make of me a crisis man. Bring those I contact to decision. Let me not be a milepost on a single road;
make me a fork
, that men must turn one way or another on facing Christ in me.” - Jim Elliot

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Voluntary Quarantine

I've been overemotional lately. Even at this very minute as I type, I have tears in my eyes. I am oversensitive. Easily agitated. Irrationally angered.

I have decided for safety reasons to voluntarily quarantine myself.

Most people don't encounter this side of me. But here it is. And it is on a rampage right now.

Perhaps in a few days my blood test results will come back and indicate that my TSH is too low... and I am hyperthyroid. (Having survived Thyroid Cancer, I have to have my blood levels checked every year with potential for adjustment.)

So, I find it best right now to lay low.

I finally realized the other day that something was really wrong when I blew up over Christopher's baseball game running 45 minutes over. I was under the impression the game would be for an hour. The coach decided to allow extra innings. He had done this before. I was angry.

And then Anthony reminded me that I was team mom, a leader of sorts, and perhaps not setting the best example to the other parents. I knew he was right... but I was mad.

I stormed away. I tried to collect myself, so I could return and watch the game. I couldn't do it. I knew if I went back... I'd either start on my tirade... or start crying and apologizing. I went to the car. Forty-five minutes later when Christopher and Anthony got in the car, I started weeping uncontrollably. Hmmm.... something is very wrong here.

I find myself in a difficult situation. Trying to continue on about my normal day... without getting offended by minutia. But it happens... and I say more than I should... and then I have to go back and apologize after weeping uncontrollably.

I don't want to make excuses... although I have one. My condition is not contagious, but my attitude is... and for that reason, I find it my responsibility to voluntarily quarantine myself.

Soon, the blood test will come back... we'll make adjustments on my meds... and the roller coaster will end. Well, at least for a year.

But it is all a good lesson for me to learn... to be aware of how my reactions affect others... whether I feel well or not.

21So I find this law at work:
When I want to do good,
evil is right there with me.

For in my inner being
I delight in God's law;
but I see another law at work
in the members of my body,
waging war against the law of my mind
and making me a prisoner of the law of sin
at work within my members.

What a wretched man I am!
Who will rescue me from this body of death?

Thanks be to God
—through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So then, I myself in my mind
am a slave to God's law,
but in the sinful nature
a slave to the law of sin.

Romans 7:21-25 NIV


Patti said...

Thank you for sharing and being real. I hope that you are able to pin point what needs to be adjusted so that you are back to yourself in no time! I can identify with the uncontrollable rage, things that you look back and think, how silly to get so upset about such a thing! But it happens and that is why invented western medicine and healing prayers!! :)

Deborah said...

Stopped in for a quick moment before church....praying for you my friend.

Anonymous said...

Never apologize for who you are ups and downs and all...the bumpy times make up appreciate the smooth ones even more just the way HE meant it for us!!! I always know I will get the real deal from you and that is why I love your blog!!!! Hope the smooth times roll back around soon, meds are such a science aren't they????

elizabeth embracing life said...

Sheri, I can not imagine how hard this must be. All I have to say is how brave to expose this part of your heart at this moment. So very brave. I know it's not easy for you and know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. If you want someone safe to cry with just let me know. I would not take any outbursts of emotion personally and I could come and pray with you.

gideonmommasita said...

You are setting a good example...I think more of us need to quarantine ourselves...or at least our mouths. Read this post after a blow up with my kids at a pool...yuck, I think I am going to my room.

a portland granny said...

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. Not fun for you nor your family, I imagine.

I loved that passage from your post. It is good to know that we are not alone in the feelings we experience. God knows and understands us!!

I trust some tweaks to your meds will make things right for you again.

Daughter of Zion said...

How are you feeling today?

Its okay to be human, to have emotions that are up and down.

The key is not to let emotions rule your life...( not that I think you do!)

elaine @ peace for the journey said...

I've had seasons when I think it would have been better to "voluntary quarantine" myself from infecting others with my many issues. Thankfully, many of those seasons have passed. But there are moments, friend, some big and some small when I think stepping into a closet is a worthy idea.