Thursday, December 31, 2009
Saturday, December 26, 2009
She said: What version do you want?
He said: King James Version.
She said: Here it is in the giant print.
He said: How much is it?
She said: Do you know... I didn't even have to buy my first Bible. There was a gal I work with who bought me a really nice Bible and I didn't even believe yet. And she bought me two other books. I bet she spent a lot of money on me... and I didn't even believe yet. Can you believe that?
Have you ever given someone a Bible? Or a book? And wondered later... did it make a difference?
Let me tell you... today, I overheard that it did make a difference. A life-changing difference.
"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'" Matthew 25:21
Friday, December 25, 2009
I know this year has been hard for you. Everyone is wishing you a MERRY Christmas or a HAPPY Holidays... and you wish that was true. That it was merry or happy. But it is not. You are finding no joy in Christmas this year. Actually, you find Christmas to be stressful... anxiety-ridden... and depressing.
You are struggling to make it through Christmas. You know friends and family mean well when they say, "it's okay... just be happy... it's Christmas." And you are trying. Trying so hard, but you're thinking that you just want to lie back down and pull the covers over your head.
Surviving Christmas. Sometimes... we just have to survive Christmas. We know it is a time to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. And we are thankful for His birth. But all the rushing... all the purchases... all the interactions with friends and family... all the EXPECTATIONS... all the unmet expectations... well, it is just so overwhelming.
I pray You would be with my friend today. That You would give them rest and peace. I pray that You would give sensitivity to those they encounter. I pray that You would plant a seed of hope within them.
You say in Romans 8:11 ...if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you. So I pray that You would give life to my friend. Life in their heart, soul, mind and strength.
And that You would be their strength in surviving Christmas.
In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
I love you, friend. And I am praying for you... Merry Christmas.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Earlier this year I shared what was on My Bookshelf. I had just finished reading-- for the first time-- Alicia Britt Chole's Anonymous: Jesus' hidden years and yours. I asked what was on your summer reading list... and Amy of Simplfying... Me left a comment with several books. But a couple days later she felt compelled to tell me about her new read: Mark Batterson's In A Pit With A Lion On A Snowy Day. She said it was challenging and she highly recommended it.
So I borrowed it... and I haven't given it back.
I practically ate the book and thought of all the posts I wanted to write about it. How it spoke truths to me. How I thought that it was written for me. For some reason, I could never bring myself to post about it... until now.
After I finished In A Pit With A Lion On A Snowy Day, I started listening to Mark Batterson's podcasts at National Community Church. I started following Mark Batterson on Twitter and Facebook. And of course, I became a follower of his blog. Soon, I realized that I was not the only one who found his style to be simple yet challenging. Always drawing me back to prayer, reading the Bible, and using the gifts God has given me.
So, when I found out that Mark Batterson had written a new book, Primal: A Quest for the Lost Soul of Christianity, I knew it would be on my reading list. But it got better than that... I saw on Mark's blog that I could apply to receive a free copy if I would write a post about it on my blog. Sweet!
Another phenomenal book. And here I am, again. Feeling speechless. How to describe a book that has impacted me... that has already begun to work its way into my cognitive system... in one post. It is impossible. It is a book I have plans to read again at a more leisurely pace. Mark Batterson will be doing a series on the book in January... and I encourage you to buy the book and tag along for the ride.
The book is based on Mark 12:30
with all your heart and
with all your soul and
with all your mind and
with all your strength.
In Mark 12:30, Jesus is quoting Deuteronomy 6:5. (Which is part of the script written in the Mezuzah.) And Mark Batterson is challenging us to get "primal" or to go back to a time when our love for the Lord drove us to compassion or wonder or curiosity or energy.
I hope this book has taken you back to some of the sympathy breakthroughs that have broken your heart and the epiphanies that have shaped your soul. I hope it's unleashed a holy curiosity to know God more. I hope it's renewed your resolve to devote your energies to kingdom causes. ~ Mark Batterson, Primal: A Quest for the Lost Soul of ChristianityIt is a book that makes me hungry to read my Bible... get on my knees and pray... lend a hand to a neighbor... open my eyes and ears to God's wonders. It is a book that inspires me to be authentic in my faith and relationships. Perhaps it is one of those books that I feel like it was written to me... for such a time as this.
And I guess that makes it a real risk to read. Almost dangerous. If you're looking for the status quo... don't read it. Don't bother. But... if you're like me... and some of you are... and you're wondering if you are capable of loving God with ALL your heart, soul, mind and strength... then join the reformation.
Our generation needs a reformation. But a single person won't lead it. A single event won't define it.
Our reformation will be a movement of reformers living compassionately, creatively, courageously for the cause of Christ.
This reformation will not be born of a new discovery. It will be the rediscovery of something old, something ancient.
What would your Christianity look like if it was stripped down to the simplest, rawest, purest faith possible? You would have more, not less. You would have the beginning of a new reformation -- in your generation, your church, your own soul. You would have primal Christianity.
This book is an invitation to become part of a reformation movement. It is an invitation to rediscover the compassion, wonder, curiosity, and energy that turned the world upside down two thousand years ago. It is an invitation to be astonished again. ~ Mark Batterson, Primal: A Quest for the Lost Soul of Christianity
Primal: A Quest for the Lost Soul of Christianity at RandomHouse.com
Saturday, December 19, 2009
To lighten my spirits during the travel delay, I decided to re-write a couple well known Christmas songs. Hope they bring you a little holiday cheer...
(to be sung to the tune of Let It Snow!)
Oh the weather outside is frightful,
And I don't mean to be so spiteful,
But since Maryland is the place to go,
Stop the Snow! Stop the Snow!
Stop the Snow!
It doesn't show signs of stopping,
And the freezing rain is still dropping,
To the airport should we go?
Stop the Snow! Stop the Snow!
Stop the Snow!
When we finally do decide,
How I'll hate going out in the storm!
Christmas in just three nights,
But the airport might become our dorm.
Our hopes are slowly dying,
And, all my family's crying,
Re-booking is the way to go,
Stop the Snow! Stop the Snow!
Stop the Snow!
Southwest called, are you listenin’
"On the plane, snow is glistenin’
Our de-icer's not right, we’re cancelin' your flight"
Cryin' in a winter wonderland
Gone away is the preferred
But we'll not be deterred
We'll check Travelocity, as we garner pity,
Cryin’ in a winter wonderland
In the meantime we can build a snowman
And pretend that we don't have a frown
Friends say, "Are you buried?"
We’ll say, "Sure are"
But we can put on chains and drive around
Later on we’ll perspire
As we join with every flyer
To face unafraid the new plans we made
Flyin’ from a winter wonderland
Thursday, December 17, 2009
An epiphany for me. Scripture interpreting scripture... what a treasure.
originally aired July 29, 2009
This Jar is Cracked
shining in our hearts,
but we ourselves are like
fragile clay jars
containing this great treasure.
This makes it clear that
our great power is from God,
not from ourselves.
2 Corinthians 4:7 NLT
As I ponder my current memory verse... I marvel at the thought that God's light shines within me. And also through me... considering all the chips and cracks in this particular jar of clay. How easy it is to see God's great power when the gaps and crevices allow the light to shine through...
And so I was caught off guard when I came across this verse in Jeremiah.
the God of Israel, says:
Take these documents,
both the sealed and unsealed
copies of the deed of purchase,
and put them in a clay jar
so they will last a long time."
The beauty of the Old Testament. The beauty of scripture interpreting scripture.
I had only ever considered Paul's inference towards the fragility of a clay jar. Not the durability of a clay jar.
Anthony took this picture when we were in Israel last year. These jars are similar in nature to the jars that housed the Dead Sea Scrolls when they were found in 1947. Jars of clay that protected ancient manuscripts for almost 2,000 years.
Although fragile in nature. They were used for preservation. Preservation of the word of God. Worthy of holding a treasure.
And that is me. And that is you.
"And what a awesome thought—
God has always put his eternal treasure
in fragile jars of clay,
and though the jars eventually break,
the treasure doesn’t,
but somehow makes the jars themselves eternal."
- Pastor Ray Noah
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy,
it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV
Siesta Scripture Memory Verse 12/13
(June 15-July 14, 2009)
Today, I thought there might be some correlation between 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (The Love Chapter) and Galatians 5:22-23 (The Fruit of the Spirit).
joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness,
faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
Against such things there is no law.
Love is patient, PATIENCE
love is kind. KINDESS
It does not envy,
it does not boast,
it is not proud. GOODNESS
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, SELF-CONTROL
it is not easily angered, PEACE
it keeps no record of wrongs. GENTLENESS
Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth. JOY
It always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always perseveres. FAITHFULNESS
If you have any insights about this... please do share!
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Sheri, Evelyn, Jean, Sheila
Jan, Nancy, Angel (missing Sherrie & Jan)
(June 1-14, 2009)
I want to honor my dear friend, Jean. She will be upset with me when she finds out that I wrote a post about her. But it ties right in with Titus 2:3-5, so I think she'll forgive me.
The Bible Study I attend has about 100 ladies. To keep things on a relational level, we sit at round tables of about eight (or nine). I lead a table and Jean was my co-leader for the study of Esther: It's Tough Being a Woman.
We had met Jean and her husband, Joe, a couple years ago at a Bible Study (was it Experiencing God or Kay Arthur's Colossians?) at our church. Actually, they were our table leaders... and we fell in love with them instantly. Joe has since gone on to be with the Lord, but his mantra "Trust and Obey" still rings in our ears.
I guess about a year ago Jean felt led by the Lord to sit at my Bible Study table. The Lord brought her to the table to come alongside me. And when asked to be a co-leader with me, she pretty much jumped for joy.
Jean is an artist of note writing. She must have gotten a note-writing PhD. And when you get a note in the mail box from her... well, you'd think you'd won the lottery. The lottery of encouraging words! She even takes time to add a little flair to the envelope for good measure. She does the thing right!
What I love even more about Jean... oh... there is so much to love... is that at the young age of 83 --she'll be 84 on 12/17, so be sure to send her a birthday note!-- is that she is still seeking the Lord. Still learning. Still listening. Still being refined by Him. To be a better mother, grandmother, friend, table co-leader. And daughter of Christ.
She encourages me. Lifts me up. The grace I receive when I read her words! And yet at twice my age, she is humble... and willing to receive edification and instruction from her table leader... because she longs to be the woman God created her to be.
And so today, I want my words to honor Jean. To be words fitly spoken. To be words that will be received in grace. And since my dear friend is not one to use the internet... I think I will print out this post... write her a little note... with birthday wishes... add a little flair to the envelope... and send it on its way.
Because for me... Jean is in my life... for such a time as this.
I love you, Jean. Happy 84th Birthday!
Sunday, December 13, 2009
But Moses said, “O Lord, please
send someone else to do it.” Exodus 4:13 NIV
Siesta Scripture Memory Verse 10
(May 15-30, 2009)
"Blogging is passé."
I was startled by the statement. Is it really? Because I just thought I was getting the hang of this whole blogging thing. And what will I do if I don't blog? Hmmm.... actually... it might be a relief. But for now... I blog.
I have often asked, "O, Lord, please send someone else to do it." Send someone else to write this or that post. Sometimes I feel inadequate. Okay, lots of times. Or frustrated. Some posts I struggle to write... some come easily. Some reveal my faults... and some posts seem a bit braggadocios.
Blogging has been somewhat dangerous to me. A bit tempting. I found myself in words Alicia Britt Chole wrote in Anonymous...
...I craved affirmation and longed to be spoken of in superlatives...And so, I have found that blogging has been good for my soul. Good for my relationship with the Lord. Good for my desire to know God in a more intimate way. Choosing to be obedient to Him... whether I want to or not... knowing that others may be reading... or not. But coming to a place where I am finding my significance in Him.
Through his Word and his people, he revealed how vulnerable it made me to the power of others praise, my own prideful perfectionism, and a whole host of other unpleasant spiritual ailments...
Man's praise is like cotton candy --sugar-laden and insubstantial... For my spiritual health, I had to make a change...
Once we have known an addiction to man's praise, shifting our diet from finding value in man's acceptance to finding value in God's acceptance does not happen in a matter of days. It is a process we revisit though out our lifetimes. Thank God for hidden years! In those underestimated seasons, when no one shows up to decorate us with praise, life is finally bare enough for us to notice that God's adoring eyes have always been upon us. We had his attention all along. We just could not see it because we were too distracted by the sight of ourselves.
"With the measure you use,
it will be measured to you— and even more.
Whoever has will be given more;
whoever does not have, even what he has
will be taken from him."
Mark 4:24-25 NIV
Siesta Scripture Memory Verse 9
(May 1-14, 2009)
I began this year with good intentions to read through the Bible in 2009. I made it about half way through... meaning I didn't read it every day, but I read the selected Scripture about 190 days throughout the year.
Just as Mark 4:24-25 states... the more I heard/read... the more I received. And I thoroughly enjoyed reading through books of the Bible. Finding verses that I heard in the past and wondered where there were. Seeing similar themes repeat. Discovering new stories and remembering old ones. Experiencing the comfort of God's consistency.
And now, being the thinker that I am... I am wondering how to tweak the reading plan so that I do read through the Bible next year. I like this set up, so I will stick with it. And I have decided that I will continue on from where I currently am at and then start at the beginning after I complete all the books of the Bible. One thing I have noticed is that there are days when I only read through one Proverb... and I know they stretch it out so that they have the format they want, but what ends up happening is that there are days with five long chapters in Ezekiel. And I get through one chapter... and never get back to finishing it.
Another thing I have to consider is when and where I read the Bible. I set myself up for interruptions and distractions. So, admittedly for me... I have some work to do. But it is worth it. Because I have found when I am wondering what to pray... or what to say... or what to not say... or what to do... or how to respond... or how to parent... or how to grow in Christ... or how to love... Well, the more I am in the Word of the God the more apt I am to turn to the Word of God at my time of need.
What about you? Have you found a way that has helped you stay in the Word on a daily basis?
Saturday, December 12, 2009
for at the proper time
we will reap a harvest
if we do not give up.
Galatians 6:9 NIV
Siesta Scripture Memory Verse 8
She called me yesterday. She was weary. And from our conversation I could tell that she felt
unappreciatedOf course she did. She is a mother. She was tired of not only doing it all... but being noticed for none of it all.
Anonymous. Unnoticed. Hidden.
Alicia Britt Chole talks about this in her book, Anonymous: Jesus' hidden years and yours. How "we were designed by God to desire acceptance and affirmation ultimately from him and also from each other."
But sometimes... we grow weary in waiting for that affirmation. And we long for that affirmation. And we start to get angry at those not giving us the affirmation we desire. The affirmation we think we deserve. And desiring affirmation is not wrong. But demanding affirmation can begin to tear down our reserves and we start to give up. It can start to tear relationships apart.
... and in the end, we miss the harvest. All of the time and effort... gone. Because we give up.
So what do we do when don't get the accolades we are seeking? Alicia suggests embracing the opportunity. Essentially if others aren't going to affirm who we are... or what we are doing... then we have to do it ourselves... with God's help. If we feel insignificant to others, we are in the right place to determine where our significance comes from. "Stripped of what others affirmed in us, we are left staring at our undecorated selves, wondering what makes us truly special."
And if we take the opportunity to "develop a healthy portrait of ourselves" we will reap the harvest--"an unshakable identity." And the best place to start? In the Word of God. Reading it. Memorizing it. Wielding it. Praying it.
And perhaps picking up a book like Anonymous... and discussing it with a friend. Because sometimes we need someone to come along and offer... a word of "edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear." (Ephesians 4:29)
to get fatigued doing good.
At the right time we will harvest
a good crop if we don't give up, or quit.
Galatians 6:9 MSG
Friday, December 11, 2009
or watering aren't important,
but God is important
because he is the one
who makes the seed grow.
1 Corinthians 3:7 NLT
Siesta Scripture Memory Verse 7
April 1-14, 2009
In April I was busy planning a church retreat. Knowing myself pretty well... I knew I needed to be reminded that no matter what I did... God was the only one who could make seed grow. So, I should be content in the giftings He has given me... and trust Him for the outcome... not myself.
As I was looking back at my gardening posts... I came across this one... that actually references this memory verse.
originally aired June 2nd, 2008
You Lavish Me In My Garden
And then I wonder... how many times have I been able to reap what I did not sow in this garden? I have eaten cherries from trees that I did not plant. I have cut roses off bushes I did not plant. I have enjoyed the aroma of lilac and lavender that I did not plant. I have enjoyed the shade of trees that I did not plant.
But now that I have sown the seed. I want to see the growth. I expect it. I want it, now.
Then I recalled the passage in 1 Corinthians 3:1-9 which talks about how one person plants, another waters, "but God made it grow." How did I forget that part?
God makes it grow. It doesn't matter if I planted it. It doesn't matter if I watered it. I cannot make it grow.
And so, as I look at the bigger picture... the garden of my life... I wonder... where else am I expecting growth? What else am I expecting God to do... when and how I want Him to do it?
And now that I think about it... I can wait, Lord. You lavish me in my garden. I will wait. I have to wait. You will make it grow.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
proceed from your mouth,
but only such a word
as is good for edification
according to the need
of the moment,
so that it will give grace
to those who hear.
Ephesians 4:29 NASB
Siesta Scripture Memory Verse 6
(March 15-31, 2009)
This verse definitely hit home with me. I ended up writing seven posts on it back in March. They're worth a peek... I was even going to "remix" them, but my words are few, lately. I'm having some difficulty concentrating, but my spirits are good. I have a couple angels who have been checking in on me. Thank you for your prayers.
Monday, December 7, 2009
this one thing,
With the Lord a day is like
a thousand years,
and a thousand years are
like a day.
The Lord is not slow
in keeping his promise,
as some understand slowness.
He is patient with you,
not wanting anyone to perish,
but everyone to come to repentance.
2 Peter 3:8-9 NIV
originally aired on March 12,2009
Fah Hoo Forres
I've been thinking about the Whos lately. How I grew up being amazed at how the Whos handled the whole Grinch thing... I was really impressed.
But then I thought... they didn't know what hit them. They weren't sitting there on the couch with us watching what the Grinch was doing. They didn't see the deception of the Grinch. They didn't see the hatred of the Grinch. They didn't have to suffer through all the pilfering and pillaging of the Grinch.
They woke up. They went outside. They held hands. They sang a song... "Fah Hoo Forres" and the next thing they know... The Grinch is their hero. He is returning everything that belonged to them in the first place.
And sometimes I wonder... if it would just be easier to be a Who. To be oblivious... and to wake up the next morning finding a green creature speeding toward me with a sled and a dog... and all my stuff.
But I would have missed my favorite part... The part where they show that picture of the Grinch's small heart growing three sizes that day. You know when the heart grows outside of the box. Like there is metal around the heart and it bursts out.
Yeah... I guess I don't want to be a Who after all... I'd rather hang in there during the tough times... just to see a heart grow and learn the true meaning of Christmas...
Now, that's truly amazing.
at the greatness of God.
Luke 9:43a NIV
Sunday, December 6, 2009
to that wicked man Nabal.
He is just like his name—
his name is Fool,
and folly goes with him.
But as for me, your servant,
I did not see the men my master sent.
1 Samuel 25:25
Siesta Scripture Memory Verse 4 (February 15-28, 2009)
I chose this verse in February because I had been given the opportunity to teach on Abigail in our ladies' Bible study. When I recently reread her story in 1 Samuel 25, I was again impressed by her wisdom. Wondering... what had prepared her in the past to give her such insight to act the way she did?
"Because the choices we make in the place of trial today are greatly the fruit of choices we have made in our yesterdays." ~ Alicia Britt Chole, AnonymousWhat happened in Abigail's yesterday? We know of her future. She became one of King David's many wives. Just one of many. She might have possibly gone unnoticed. Most of King David's wives did. Why would we see her amongst the many? Just one tree in the forest.
At least Bathsheba became the mother of the king to succeed King David. But Abigail? She is only known for the choices she made. To intercede for her husband's life. And to advise the soon-to-be king to consider the consequences before he acted. Where did her wisdom come from?
And this causes me to look at the choices I am making today. Choices that may seem insignificant... even to me. How could one decision make a difference? One decision of many? But as Alicia Britt Chole reflects in Anonymous... it is the culmination of our hidden underestimated choices that can gain momentum and influence how we respond in times of our greatest trials.
I have set my heart on your laws.
But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you,
then choose for yourselves
this day whom you will serve...
But as for me and my household,
we will serve the LORD."
Thursday, December 3, 2009
his disciples asked him privately,
Why could not we cast him out?
And he said unto them,
This kind can come forth by nothing,
but by prayer and fasting.
Mark 9:28-29 KJV
Verse 3 (February 1-14, 2009)
A true story.
Almost everyday I am in the garden watering the plants that do not receive the benefit from our sprinkler system. Last year I bought a hose that insisted on its packaging that it was "kink-free."
This year, every day as I water... the hose kinks. Not just once. Not just twice. Multiple times. Delaying the amount of time necessary for watering as I have to go and "unkink" the hose.
I told my husband, "I am going to buy a new hose."
He asked if I felt that was a wise purchase considering the current economic crisis.
What I should have told him was that I would be helping stimulate the economy by buying a new hose.
So, I have decided to suffer with my kinked hose. Water. Kink. Stop. Unkink. Return. Water. Kink. Stop. Unkink. Return. Ad nauseam. My nauseam.
Until the other day. When I was ruminating a current situation. I felt the Lord prompt me, "Pray for this person/situation each time the hose kinks." I thought, "Are you kidding me?"
And so... Water. Kink. Stop. Pray. Unkink. Return. Water. Kink. Pray. Stop. Unkink. Return. Water.
And so it went. Until Tuesday night. When the hose decided that it was done being a hose and it just wanted to kink. Over and over and over and over and over and over. Until I said to the Lord that I thought I was done praying for this situation. Really! But I continued to pray because I thought... this person must really need it!
Wednesday morning I shared the story with a friend. And we prayed about it.
So, Wednesday night out to water. The hose did not kink once. I was so accustomed to praying for the situation that I still prayed, but was relieved by the lack of kinking.
And the next day. The hose did not kink once. I still prayed, but realized that I was truly feeling a sense of peace about the situation.
Philippians 4:6-7 NIV
What's the moral of my story? Here's my encouragement... if you have something that consistently reminds you of how little things can really bug you, use it as a reminder to pray for someone. Use that irritation as a prompting from the Lord.
Maybe it is every time you have to do the dishes. Or change a diaper. Or pay a bill.
And who knows. Maybe they'll have to stop selling kink-free hoses.
I wish I could say I have learned my lesson. That there's been no kinking lately. But I am still a work in progress. And so... Water. Kink. Stop. Pray. Unkink. Return. Water. Kink. Pray. Stop. Unkink. Return. Water. Repeat often.
he who watches over you
will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
Psalm 121:3-4 NIV
I choose these verses in January because I was anxious. The bad kind of anxious... filled with anxiety. Anthony would be heading to Ethiopia when I chose this verse... which meant Christopher and I were on our own for about 10 days. I was praying for God's protection over him... and us... especially while we were sleeping.
And I was anxious about the inauguration. Thinking that God might have made a mistake when He chose Senator Obama to become president. (Daniel 2:21) Worrying that all my beloved freedoms would be lost... and that America would no longer be "one nation under God."
Anxiety. An emotion of fear. It causes pain to our hearts and minds and... stomachs. It most certainly affects our relationship with God. But perhaps that it is a good thing. What if worry was actually an indicator of something wrong... something that we haven't dealt with? Something that God wants us to deal with...
but in everything,
by prayer and petition,
present your requests to God.
And the peace of God,
which transcends all understanding,
will guard your hearts and
your minds in Christ Jesus.
So, what's on your heart? Are you anxious about anything? Worried? Perhaps by pressing into your anxiety, you will find an unresolved issue. Then ask the Lord specifically what you need from Him. He wants to know. He loves you.
Be strong and courageous.
Do not be terrified;
do not be discouraged,
for the LORD your God will be with you
wherever you go.
the only thing we have to fear is fear itself
—nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror
which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance."
Franklin D. Roosevelt, First Inaugural Address 1933
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
I will be with you; and
when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
Isaiah 43:2 NIV
Siesta Scripture Memory Team: Verse 1
I've decided to walk through my Siesta Scripture Memory Team verses for this year. Just enough for one a day to finish on Christmas Eve. Hard to believe I am about to select my 23rd verse to memorize for this year. And I wonder if my brain could hold even more next year...
My first verse selection of this year is so precious to me. A verse that I held so tightly during my depression in 2006.
2006. I struggled. My dark night of the soul. Where was God in all of this? I started to believe the lie in my head that was telling me that I was dying... that I would be better off dead... that I was a burden to those around me... that I didn't even exist anymore... that I had actually become depression itself. I had no value.
It wasn't just in my mind. It was physical, too. I couldn't eat. People would bring us meals... because I didn't even have the strength to cook. And I would try to eat, but I just couldn't. And I would cry trying to force myself to eat.
My digestion was a wreck. I remember praying grace over meals... and meaning it. God, please help me to eat and digest this food. Please, God.
I tried to watch television. But everything bothered me. I had to be sheltered from the news. I tried to watch funny programs, but I felt bad for those who were the object of the joke. Soon, my only television watching became the Travel channel with the sound turned off.
I couldn't stand to be on the phone. Everything seemed loud. I couldn't concentrate enough to read. A friend would drive Christopher to school... and I would go back to bed. I would gain enough strength to pick him up at the end of the day.
I would start to feel a little better each night. I would go to bed and wake up worse than the day before. Again, I would feel better at night... like Groundhog's Day, I tried to stay awake as long as I could... fearing sleep... because I would wake up and be back to where I was the day before.
We didn't know at first that it was depression. Although I suffer with chronic depression, it had never been like this... with these physical symptoms. Was I pregnant? Was I premenopausal? Was my thyroid off? Was it cancer? I was taking anti-depressants, but nothing was helping.
I had to live through it. Each day. Each horrible day. Each wasted awful day. Not able to serve in any capacity. Not able to be a wife and mother. Just a sick bump on a log.
But was living through it really an option? Was I going to live through this? Was God really with me? And although at the time I couldn't believe it, I would read this verse over and over.
When I was passing through the waters and the rivers and the fire... When I was in the depression... God was with me. I would not be swept over. I would not be burned. Really? God was with me? and I would survive? I still didn't believe it, but it was better than the alternative.
I posted the verse on my bathroom mirror. I would right it on a slip of paper and carry it with me... as if carrying it with me would make me better. Well, it was worth a try.
And it was all true. God was with me every moment. I can see that now. I can know that now. But then... all I knew was living one fragile moment at a time. And He was right... I was not swept over. I was not burned. The flames did not set me ablaze...
Or did they? Because the fire inside me... that longs for everyone to know Christ... and not just know about Him, but to know Him... to experience His forgiveness and His love... to walk a deeper walk... to live a more abundant life... still burns within me. It is all I have to give.
Oh, dear... are you ready for this? I am actually glad that I went through such a deep depression. What?! Yes, it is true! Because when I am in worship and I sing about God's Amazing Grace... I know it. I KNOW IT! I have experienced it. And it is all true! All true! God is who He says He is... and He can do what He says He can do!
Are you there today? Are the waters rising? Are you about to be swept over by the river? Are you walking through the fire? Whatever it is... He will be with you. He promised.
And friend, I am here, too. With you. Praying for you. Waiting for you.
With much love,