“Father, make of me a crisis man. Bring those I contact to decision. Let me not be a milepost on a single road;
make me a fork
, that men must turn one way or another on facing Christ in me.” - Jim Elliot

Friday, February 26, 2010

But she has decided to wipe the tears away. Reapply her mascara. Get in the car. And drive.

photography by Anthony

She is going tonight.
It is a fight for her.
She would much rather stay home.

But she knows this is good for her.
And perhaps...
Just maybe...
She'll meet someone.

Someone who will make her feel
Included.
Visible.
Befriended.
Not alone.

But as she packs her suitcase...
Tears flood her eyes.
Because she is not sure.
Because she is insecure.

Why would she think
It would be different this time?
That it is worth the risk?

She fears that she will sit alone.
And others will notice, but not reach out.
They will all be content to stay
In their warm cozy cliques.

And she will tell herself...
"See, I told you so.
Enough!
I am not trying anymore."

But she has decided to wipe the tears away.
Reapply her mascara.
Get in the car.
And drive.

She prays silently as she drives.
Asking God for something...
Wondering if it is wrong of her for wanting...
A friend.

And I have been praying for her.
Because I have been her.
And I will be there...
Waiting for her.

And I want her to know
There are others praying for her.
And they will be there...
Waiting for her.

She is going to a women's retreat tonight.
It is a fight for her.
But she will be glad
That she did not stay home.

8 comments:

Sandy said...

oh my gosh! This is awesome! Thank you for sharing!

UL Cards Fan said...

Loved this. Have a great time.

christy rose said...

wow! this was beautiful!

rooney said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
rooney said...

ok. were we, like, seperated at birth? i could have written this, except if i had, it would not be so elequent or moving.
:-D monday evening i had the opportunity to go to a little gathering of just a few people. i wanted to go, very much! but when i got there i was so uncomfortable and shy and INSECURE that i left it overwhelm me and left before they even cut the cake.
if this is a real-time thing. like, if you are going to a retreat TONIGHT, i will be praying for you to go and stay and enjoy!
love ya!
jackie
p.s. can i share this with my ladies when the Bible Study starts up on Mar 7?

Laura said...

As soon as I started reading this, I just knew that "she" was going to a women's retreat! And it could be me. Once again, this year, I've registered to go to a women's retreat at Cannon Beach with my neighbor. I went last year. I hadn't been to an "overnighter" since I was much younger. And for the months leading up to that retreat, I waffled back and forth on whether I could afford to just forget the registration money I had paid and skip out. I'm glad I didn't. Yet, here I am again, thinking the same thing. I do believe that come May 21, I'll be glad I didn't opt for staying home. But still, I feel the emotions you've described here. And part of me so wants to stay home, free from risk and exposure.

Lora said...

Beautiful heartfelt words.

And Anthony is a keeper - the pictures are wonderful!

elaine @ peace for the journey said...

Beautifully written from a heart that has obviously lived it. I've lived it as well. Thanks for being there for "her" as she arrived. I pray to always be so attentive to the "hers" in my midst.

peace`elaine