“Father, make of me a crisis man. Bring those I contact to decision. Let me not be a milepost on a single road;
make me a fork
, that men must turn one way or another on facing Christ in me.” - Jim Elliot

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

So Long, Insecurity - Week 7
Creating An Air of Indifference,
But Feeling Inauthentic
Yuck

photography by Anthony
Normally, it is rejection and insecurity.  Tied hand in hand for me.  I feel rejected... and then I feel insecure.  We will get into the car... and then I cry to Anthony about it... but ask him not to fix it.  Although I really do want to get over it.  I just can't.

Not this time.  It was different.  I anticipated the (perceived) rejection.  I kept my distance so as to not give opportunity to be rejected.  And strangely enough, I felt like a coward not facing my fear.  And I knew I was creating an air of indifference, but I was protecting myself.  And it did work.  By not facing the (perceived) rejection... I did not have to deal with feelings of insecurity.  But... I felt inauthentic.

Yuck.

But here's the good news... I am seeing progress.  And I've decided that I truly do not want to be held hostage by my insecurity any longer.  Won't you join me?
I am currently reading So Long, Insecurity by Beth Moore and I am participating in the So Long, Insecurity Discussion Group on the Living Proof Ministries blog.  I decided to open my blog up to anyone who wanted to post their answers to the discussion group so that we can encourage one another in a somewhat smaller group.

These are my answers to the questions posed for Week Seven based on Chapters 12 & 13.
Italics indicate either the question that Beth Moore posed on her blog or that the passage is found in the book So Long, Insecurity.

1. Based on Chapter 12, name one “I already knew that” moment and one “that’s new to me” moment, if either applies. 
Insecurity had become automatic and unintentional for me.  It had become second nature.  And I have truly believed that there was nothing I could do about it.

I had become more concerned with my own insecurity... and having Anthony listen to my hysteria.  I had not even considered the fact that my insecurity was unattractive... and might cause a drain on our relationship.
2. Based on Chapter 13, how does a weak will play into our insecurity?
If we have a weak will... we can't make a choice.  We will tend to stifle insecurities rather than allow God to flagrantly tend to them.  We will stay on the roller coaster of our emotions... because we are too scared to get off.  We want someone else to make the decision for us... and then we are dependent upon them and not God.

If we have a weak will... we will let others walk over us.  We will not confront them.  We would rather live in a lie... then fight for the truth.  The alternative to practicing what Scripture calls "speaking the truth in love" is continuing to communicate a lie in fear (Ephesians 4:15)... Indecisiveness won't do... When done correctly and motivated by love, confrontation becomes an act of profound compassion.  Frankly, it's easier in the short run to look the other way. 
So do not throw away your confidence; 
it will be richly rewarded. 
You need to persevere so that 
when you have done the will of God, 
you will receive what he has promised.  
Hebrews 10:35-36

I wish I could write more eloquently about my thoughts on this book... I've practically highlighted the whole thing.  It is life changing, sisters.  You truly need to read it for yourself... and let the healing begin.

3 comments:

Go-Between said...

Sheri, I too have highlighted most of the book - so much so that the pages are wrinkled from the ink of the highlighter. :)
I loved what you said in this post. Maybe you felt like you weren't eloquent but it was very insightful and very helpful! Very!
Thank you for being faithful to share with us what God is teaching you!

gideonmommasita said...

Your first paragraph was excellent, the air of indifference...I don't know if I can join you but I am definitely going to think about it. If nothing else, it seems you are authentic on your blog!

Sylvia said...

Sheri, if I hadn't read your blog I would NEVER have known that you deal with insecurity and fear. You certainly don't project that to the public.

Praise the Lord for progress in dealing with it. Hugs