“Father, make of me a crisis man. Bring those I contact to decision. Let me not be a milepost on a single road;
make me a fork
, that men must turn one way or another on facing Christ in me.” - Jim Elliot

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

But she has decided to wipe the tears away. Reapply her mascara. Get in the car. And drive.

Ladies' Retreat is just around the corner.  
I know you are feeling insecure... but this time come and sit by me.

photography by Anthony Kaetzel

She is going tonight.
It is a fight for her.
She would much rather stay home.

But she knows this is good for her.
And perhaps...
Just maybe...
She'll meet someone.

Someone who will make her feel
Included.
Visible.
Befriended.
Not alone.

But as she packs her suitcase...
Tears flood her eyes.
Because she is not sure.
Because she is insecure.

Why would she think
It would be different this time?
That it is worth the risk?

She fears that she will sit alone.
And others will notice, but not reach out.
They will all be content to stay
In their warm cozy cliques.

And she will tell herself...
"See, I told you so.
Enough!
I am not trying anymore."

But she has decided to wipe the tears away.
Reapply her mascara.
Get in the car.
And drive.

She prays silently as she drives.
Asking God for something...
Wondering if it is wrong of her for wanting...
A friend.

And I have been praying for her.
Because I have been her.
And I will be there...
Waiting for her.

And I want her to know
There are others praying for her.
And they will be there...
Waiting for her.

She is going to a women's retreat tonight.
It is a fight for her.
But she will be glad
That she did not stay home.

6 comments:

Beth E. said...

Women's Retreats are a wonderful opportunity for ministry. I've struggled with the same emotions at times, but have always been glad that I went!

Barb said...

wow that is really profound. All those feeling are real.... and scary.

Barb said...

I am looking forward to the Womens retreat with trepidation.

elaine @ peace for the journey said...

This is how I felt when going to my first "facing forward" meeting this past week for cancer survivors. Funny, I felt both apprehensive but also an encourager to those others who felt the same way.

So glad for the warmth I felt throughout the night and the wonderful women who stand alongside me in the fight for survival.

peace~elaine

becauseofgrace said...

This is my first visit to your blog and already I can see that this is a place I can return to.
What a powerful poem and a reminder to be including of others. I have been the woman needing to reapply her mascara.
thank you for your blog.

Anonymous said...

This is me exactly....I once went to a retreat and literally spent it alone...Not one click would have me, I wanted in so badly, I was so lonely. I am trying again after quite a few years. I am trying to keep my heart open.....again.