Wave Spray at Monterey
Judge not, that ye be not judged.
Matthew 7:1 KJV
Honestly, I don't want to blog today. Okay, that's a lie. I actually do want to blog, but something light-hearted like "As of Late" and have it focus on our recent trip to see Anthony run the Boston Marathon. I don't feel like blogging what I feel compelled to blog about, because the words are all clogged up in my head. And I don't know how to write them down and it's all a jumble. But I feel compelled... and the Lord has placed two words in my head lately. One word being obedience. And the other word being unconditional. Unconditional obedience. Great.
And it's not that this post is about unconditional obedience. It's just that I need to be obedient to God's compulsion upon me to write it. I'm not sure if it is for any reason except for me to show that I truly am being unconditionally obedient to the Lord. So, here it goes.
I just started the Bible Study Jonah by Priscilla Shirer. For those of you unfamiliar with the Bible, there is a book in the Old Testament about a man named Jonah. It is squeezed in between the books of Obadiah and Micah. Yes, if you have seen the Veggietales DVD about Jonah... this is the book the DVD was based upon. (Okay, minus the talking vegetables and all the discussion about cheese curls.) Anyhoo... the main idea of Priscilla Shirer's study is that Jonah's life was interrupted by God. And our lives are interrupted by God. But instead of looking at it as undesirable interruptions we would benefit by viewing them as divine interventions. What may look like God interrupting our life is actually God working out His plan and our future. (Jeremiah 29:11)
Here's what I don't want to tell you... So far the study hasn't really resonated with me. Which makes me nervous because I have spoken to my other Bible Study gals and they have been blown away by it. They are soaking it up. And so I am wondering... what is wrong with me? True, it has only been the first week. I have seen two of the videos. And Priscilla is right on with what she is talking about. Totally. I see this in how God is most definitely weaving the women even at my own Bible Study table. But the application part of the study... for me personally, isn't hitting it.
And so I wonder if that is because I have done other studies like Experiencing God by Henry Blackaby that have already taught me about how to look where God is working and join Him there... so that I don't see interruptions... just God at work? Trust me. Not being holier-than-thou right now. I am just talking through this... I am just hard pressed to find the interruption right now. I know I have them.
And so I asked God to show me what is the current undesired interruption in my life that I should be looking at as a divine intervention. Ugh. Again, it would be easier to just be disobedient at this point. No. Not really. So, of course, He showed me. He answers prayers like that. And He loves that we trust Him enough to pray to Him like that.
Here it is... My divine intervention which is being camouflaged as an undesired interruption is... I am currently being over-critical. No, really. More than normal. Hyper-critical. Too critical. Of myself. Of you. Of my family. Of Bible Studies. And especially of Boston AND Portland toll-booth operators. (Okay, I'll maybe tell you that story later. Maybe not.)
Most likely my current tendency towards my criticalness is due to my Thyroid medication. (My endocrinologist keeps me hyper-thyroid so any thyroid (cancerous) tissue cannot grow.) Lucky me, I get to toggle between depression and hyper-criticalness. I do not offer my medicational discrepancy as an excuse, but as a cause.
What I am gleaning from all of this... I can look at my critical-craziness as an annoying interruption or receive it as a call to an even deeper reflection. Perhaps I am being overly critical... but what about? What things are currently driving me crazy and why?
Perhaps there could be some discernment in what I call my criticalocity. But I normally couch my critical thinking with love and grace. And that is not happening right now. My criticism is raw and uncensored. That is why my blogging has been minimal. And some of my conversations, too.
Well, let it not be said that I fear meta thinking. It can be a downfall for some, but for me... it is a way of life. All of this to say, that I am embracing my critical-spirit... asking God to coat it with His Holy Spirit... and begging of Him that I not have to write another post like this...
Siesta Scripture Memory Verse #7
p.s. I made up a couple of the words in this post. It was just kind of fun for me. Sorry if it bothered you. :)