“Father, make of me a crisis man. Bring those I contact to decision. Let me not be a milepost on a single road;
make me a fork
, that men must turn one way or another on facing Christ in me.” - Jim Elliot

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Love & Respect; So Long, Insecurity; and Eggshells


Do you ever have times in your life when your worlds collide?  We were watching the Love & Respect Conference DVD during our Sunday School class.  The speaker and author, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, is discussing how women tend to need more emotional reassurance than men.  Women tend to personalize things while men tend to compartmentalize things.  He mentioned that women tend to walk on eggshells, but you almost never hear a man talk about walking on eggshells.

And it reminded me of a blog post I had written.  I just remember that it had to do with walking on eggshells... and something about walking on eggshells around Anthony.  And then I look up the post and I see that it is tied to my previous So Long, Insecurity discussion group... and I think... how strange is that?  The speaker mentions women walking on eggshells... the post has to do with my relationship with my husband... AND So Long, Insecurity which I am starting a discussion group on THIS coming Tuesday.  So I think that I might re-post it, but maybe I will wait until we are on week 6 of the discussion group... but then I just re-read the post and see that I actually end up talking about Love & Respect and The Crazy Cycle!!!

WHEW!

Well, sometimes when life converges like this... you just gotta go ahead and re-post it... and hope that the person who needs to read it... will read it... and even more so... understand what I am talking about!!!

Anyway... if you are in the Portland area, I am starting a So Long, Insecurity small group book discussion next Tuesday.  If you're interested, contact me.

Previously Posted on Wednesday, March 24, 2010
So Long, Insecurity - Week 6
Eggshells and ESP

photography by Anthony Kaetzel

Eggshells.  

I would think by this time... 
I would not resort to walking on eggshells... 
but I do.  

Sometimes it just seems safer 
to walk on eggshells 
than to find out what the real problem is.  

Did I say "safer"?  
Perhaps I meant "easier"?  
And that is ONLY for the short term.  

Because in the long term... 
the longer I walk on eggshells... 
the more eggshells I have to clean up.  

And really they are quite a mess.  
Sticky.  Smelly.  
And especially disgusting when wearing sandals.
~written by sister sheri


If you and I are going to develop into real, live secure women, 
it is absolutely imperative that we realign our mentalities toward men.  
We've got to get it through our thick skulls that 
men are neither gods nor devils... 
Maybe... you vacillate between the two, but this is the news flash:  
either extreme -- adoration or abhorrence -- 
always betrays the depth of our own insecurity. ~ Beth Moore, SLI

I am currently reading So Long, Insecurity by Beth Moore and I am participating in the So Long, Insecurity Discussion Group on the Living Proof Ministries blog.  I decided to open my blog up to anyone who wanted to post their answers to the discussion group so that we can encourage one another in a somewhat smaller group.

These are my answers to the questions posed for Week Six based on Chapters 10 & 11.
Italics indicate either the question that Beth Moore posed on her blog or that the passage is found in the book So Long, Insecurity.

1. Based on Chapter 10, in all truthfulness, has your historical tendency been to view men (generally speaking) as gods? Or devils? 
Growing up I generally viewed men as "devils"... not trusting them.  I was abused by my father.  He divorced my mom... and I grew up in a household of women.  I always tried to have the upper hand in my dating relationships... if I lost that control... well, it was time to move on... that is... until I met him.  I've always viewed my relationship with Anthony to be a gift from God.  Not that it is all smooth sailing, but God definitely chose Anthony for me... because I did not have enough good sense at that time to do it on my own.

I am aware of how I tie my security to Anthony. If he is not happy... had a bad day... I can resort to walking on eggshells. Wondering if I can fix the problem... or am I the problem?
2. Based on Chapter 10 and your own day-to-day observances, what differences do you see between men’s insecurities and women’s?
Chapter 10 reminded me of the book Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.  How husbands and wives get on "The Crazy Cycle"
... she reacts without respect he reacts without love she reacts without respect...
and so on.  How men crave respect (ie fear of failure) and women crave love (ie fear of rejection).  I highly recommend this book.
3. On p.208 in Chapter 11, I suggest that women who struggle with insecurity tend to be particularly taken with 2 divine attributes: omnipotence and omniscience. Did either of these resonate with you? If so, how?
Extrasensory perception - Honestly.  Christopher asks me quite often which super hero power I would choose if I could choose any one I wanted.  ESP.  That way I would know if I am upsetting someone or if I have hurt someone or what exactly they want from me.  Omniscience.. hadn't thought of it that way... and I much rather like that terminology, but I'll save that for God.  I've got enough to deal with in my own head.
The healing of the mind requires far more intimacy 
with Christ than the healing of mere bodies... 
Instead He chooses to transform our willing minds 
one reflection at a time... ~ Beth Moore, SLI

[You] may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, 
in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.  Colossians 2:2-3

1 comment:

elaine @ peace for the journey said...

I've not read this book, but as far as the egg shell analogy, my husband is far more likely to walk on ones around me than I am. Poor thing. I'm trying to improve on me!

peace~elaine