The Leaking Window

discombobulated

2012-01-26T09:01:00.000-08:00

Celebrating Christmas in Virginia with My Grandparents

Discombobulated. That is how I am feeling. Not thinking straight. Going through the motions. No clear thoughts. No coherency. Tired.

I returned home from Houston on Saturday night after a mountaintop experience with my Siestas and Beth Moore. Being challenged and encouraged. Meeting with wonderful women. Creating memories. Drawing closer to the Lord. And tired. I never sleep well if I am not in my own bed. But it was such an exciting time... and I knew I would catch up on sleep when I returned home.

Sunday I woke up pretty much bright-eyed and bushy tailed. Went to Sunday School and then to church service where our pastor challenged us to go on a 5-day fast of media. Including social media. Including Facebook. Including Twitter. My heart sunk. Having just been totally on Facebook and Twitter to communicate with my Siestas, I knew I would miss out on all the after event discussion and photos. AND I thought that what I post to Facebook and Twitter is glorifying to God, and He uses me as a vessel to others. Surely, I would not go along with this... I would fast the Internet except for e-mail and definitely TV, but not Facebook.

Throughout Sunday, I saw many of my church family sign-off of Facebook. And then, my senior pastor's wife. "Lord," I said, "surely, you would not want me to fast Facebook. You use me to speak to others through your promptings to post Bible verses and encouragement. You use me to speak to them." And then I felt a prompting... With you out of the way, Sheri, I can speak to them directly. And I closed my laptop and conceded.

Monday was quite an adjustment to not being on Facebook, but you can do anything for one day, right? But I did find myself substituting other things for Facebook. Perhaps work-arounds. Definitely using texting and e-mailing more. And finding some printed out Killer Sudoku puzzles to distract me. Of course, the intent was to be praying more and being in the Word of God more, so I had to continue to adjust. And although my brain wanted me to feel like I was being deprived... I knew ultimately, I was going to be the beneficiary of treasured time carved out in setting aside this time to focus on this new experience with the Lord. It helped that I had recently studied Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst because she had taught on feeling deprived and on cravings and it was so applicable to areas other than food.

But then Monday afternoon came. And through my mom's tears I was told that her father had passed away earlier that day. We had known he had not been feeling well. Going in and out of the hospital without diagnosis. Anthony and I knew that we needed to set aside time to see him at Christmas when we returned to Maryland. And so we did. And to our surprise my cousins showed up and we had a real blessed time of fellowship with one another.

It is at times like these when your mind is flooded with memories. Especially of childhood. To remember what moments you shared together and to realize that I am not a child anymore and that time is moving quickly. And I am so glad for good memories. For photos. For stories. And I feel like yesterday was one of those days that kind of defines your life. Like the end of one chapter. The beginning of another.

Anthony and I wondered if my grandfather knew that each moment was special. He was so very grateful to see us at Christmas. And he was recalling a time that I made a recipe book of some of his favorite foods. (He had been born in New Orleans, Louisiana and was truly a chef extraordinaire.) It blessed me to know that I had blessed him.

And tomorrow I hop a plane to Virginia to visit, again, with my family. But this time, he won't be there... but we will celebrate him as if he was right there with us.

So, all this to say... of course, my mind has thought about jumping back on Facebook. No one would think less of me. It is a difficult time and I could connect with family members and it would be a good distraction, right? But in my heart and mind, I wondered if there was a reason that this would be the week that I would be fasting and praying. Pressing closer into the Lord. And how I need Him even more right now... more than I need distraction... I need Him.

You know, Monday was also the Chinese New Year. The precious gal that I visit for my mani/pedi is Vietnamese and her husband is Chinese. I like to go in on Chinese New Year to bless her and she gives me a red envelope as is tradition. This year, I decided to bless her with a word from the Lord.

The LORD bless you and keep you;

the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you;

the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace.

Number 6:24-26 NIV84

So glad I had these verses on my heart before I heard the news about my grandfather. They brought comfort to my heart. Praying they do the same for you today.

God bless you today and always.

#SSMTC

2012-01-18T12:28:00.000-08:00

I'm heading to Houston tomorrow. #SSMTC This spiral is my ticket into an exclusive event with Beth Moore. And the anticipation has hit me like a wave.

What's the big deal? Nothing really. And everything. At the end of 2010, I committed to memorizing 24 verses of my choosing in 2011and post them on the LPMBlog and record them in my spiral. And for that... I get to attend the Siesta Scripture Memory Team Celebration.

This is my second SSMTC. I wasn't sure I was going to attend this one. But Christopher inspired me. He would go and attend Summer Camp or Youth Convention with his church youth group and he would come back energized... filled up... having had an experience with the Lord that often left him speechless except to say it was spiritual and he had wished that Anthony and I could have experienced it. And I thought to myself... I want to go to Summer Camp and Youth Convention!!! But in a venue that is more geared to me than middle school kids, of course. And it hit me... go to Houston this year.

Houston is just the celebration. The celebration of a year that started out with needing to persevere in my depression (James 1:4) and ending in seeking the good of others (1 Corinthians 10:24). The celebration that I am constantly challenging myself to do new things and grow deeper in Christ. The celebration of meeting up with special siestas that I met two years ago and have kept up with over Facebook.

It's bittersweet because I am already missing my hubby and my son... and I haven't even left yet. But knowing that taking this time away I will return inspired and refreshed (despite the TSA agents) and contagious with a desire to to share with others the abundant life in Christ.

Well, I better get packing.
Spiral ~ check!
Bump-it ~ check!
Pink Feather Boa ~ check!
Twitter hashtag #SSMTC ~ check!

Wishing you were coming with me... but knowing I will share it all with you... you are in my prayers, sister!

As of Late - January 15th, 2012

2012-01-15T19:00:00.000-08:00

"Morning High..."
Photography by Anthony Kaetzel

Lately, I am celebrating the 6th anniversary of "my dark night of the soul." For more information about my celebration of January 15th, 2006 stop by here.

Lately, I have not been suffering with Seasonal Affective Disorder.

Lately, Portland has been known for sunrises and sunsets.

Lately, I have been thanking God for everyday that I experience depression-free. Knowing that I cannot take these days for granted.

Speed Dating

2012-01-12T10:38:00.000-08:00

"Anytime hanging with Anthony and Christopher"

July 4th, 2011 - Sauvie Island

(Don't you love my little reusable strawberry bag?)

Hey, sisters!

Tuesday at Bible Study our fearless and wonderful leader, Terri, encouraged us to get to know some new ladies (aka out of our comfort zone!) by doing an exercise she found from a Speed Dating website. I didn't get a chance to participate, so I thought I would share my answers now. I would love to hear yours, too!

What is your FAVORITE...

Beverage... Anything Starbucks

Vacation Spot... Maui, Hawaii

Current TV Show... American Pickers

Body Wash... Crabtree & Evelyn's Rosewater

Movie... Emma with Gwyneth Paltrow

Holiday... Good Friday

Dessert... Creme Brulee

Food... Anything Maryland Crab

Toothpaste... Colgate plain

Smell... Cinnamon

Time of day... Anytime hanging with Anthony and Christopher

Season... Summer

Excuse... "I need to talk to my husband first..."

Book... The Holy Bible

A Lack of Isolation

2012-01-11T10:29:00.000-08:00

Sharing a private laugh with my photographer...

Where have I been?

I had been wondering to myself why I had not been blogging lately... why I had not been writing lately. Then this morning as I was reading the dedication and acknowledgements page of the Beth Moore Bible Study James, it hit me. Melissa (Beth Moore's daughter) had written in the acknowledgements, that she had "learned how isolating and lonely writing can be..." and she was amazed that her mother could stay so happily engaged with her family "despite years of cycling in and out of writing projects."

And although I am not sure I would consider myself a writer per se... and although my posts are nothing in comparison to writing a Bible Study... it does isolate me. Often having me run upstairs mid-thought with my computer so that I can shut a door and get out the thought that is plaguing me until it is all gushed out and I push the button "Publish."

And isolation has not been happening for me lately. It has not been my calling. My calling has been to a handful of women over the past year. Mentoring. Nurturing. Listening. Crying. Texting. Praying. Studying. E-mailing. Meeting. Talking. And basically... Living. Living life together. Not leaving much time for isolation. And because of the intimacy of the discussions, my greatest fear would be revealing something about my dear loves and bringing them cause for alarm. Because they trust me. They confide in me. And I can't always say that I have been trustworthy or a bastion of confidence. But for these dear ones, I must be. God has called me to it. And so I do it.

And I feel some relief in this thought. Remembering that God can change our calling mid-stream. And we can try and hold on to what He had called us to before and muddle through it. Or we can take the new calling and move graciously ahead. And sometimes I wonder if He just has us on a detour now and then.

And I have noticed that this newest calling has brought me more and more out of my comfort zone. Not only in relationship to these precious daughters... although that is true. But to other areas of my life. Opening my home more often for fellowship. Changing my regularly scheduled Saturday evening at home to going out to dinner spur of the moment with our friends. And sharing a hotel room with two ladies in Houston! (And it was almost three!) For those who don't know me well, I totally love having my isolating alone time after an eventful day. It helps me refresh and reset. So to invite others into my downtime really feels like a risk to me. But I am trusting the Lord. Knowing that if He called me to it... He will equip me for it. And I have to admit... I am excited to see what He has in store.

So, there it is. Just me taking a little alone time today. Having lots of thoughts to share with you... as I always do, but deciding to keep this post short. And perhaps writing an "As of Late" post sooner than later...

I love you, sisters!

ABC's of My 2011

2011-12-31T13:16:00.001-08:00

A couple blog posts that highlight my 2011...

As of Late - Quickest way to find out what I was up to this year...
Boston Marathon - Congratulations, Anthony!
Christmas Concerts - Christopher in a tux.
Disneyland Fun in the sun!
Ethiopia Anthony travels to Ethiopia.
Friendships A visit with a friend inspires me.
Grand Canyon Highlight of the year.
Hope It's contagious.
So Long, Insecurity Transparency.
James - Re-Verse Sometimes we need to re-verse our thinking.
K-Cup I didn't blog about this... but Starbucks switched so I did, too!
Love & Respect Sometimes when you teach you learn the most.
Made to Crave There's more to crave than just food.
CoNgratulations to Mr. & Mrs. My Sissy got married!
Other Side Depression from the Other Side.
P.E.R.S.E.V.E.R.E. Teaching on James.
Qi Scrabble & Words With Friends. Addicted!
Ruth Bible Study The Lord directs my path.
Siesta Memory Team Realizing that I am going to Houston!
stop child Trafficking Christopher and I volunteer... and learn.
Ugly Cry It ain't pretty.
Vain Catching a butterfly in Monterey, California.
the year of the Wedding We were part of three weddings this year.
eXample She teaches me more than she ever knows.
povertY God is not waiting for us to win the lottery.
Zealous And extremely prudish!

But The Point Is Not To Just Get By.

2011-12-23T17:09:00.000-08:00

Cookies.

Christmas Cookies.

Christmas Sugar Cookies.

Oh, my!

Looking at it one way, you could say,

"Anything goes. Because of God's immense generosity and grace,

we don't have to dissect and scrutinize

every action to see if it will pass muster."

But the point is not to just get by.

We want to live well, but our foremost efforts should be

to help others live well.

1 Corinthians 10:23-24 MSG

Most people think I am just about nuts because I am going through the study Made to Crave: Satisfying Your Deepest Desire With God, Not Food... right now. Right now. Right now when there are cookie exchanges all around me. Right now when there is lots of running around and it is easier to just grab something on the go. Right now when I am stressed for time and thinking about eating healthy just doesn't fit into the schedule. Right now. Right now... when Anthony made these amazingly delicious and totally adorable Peppermint Candy Cane Cookies. And yes, I have had one or two of these cookies. And I consider that a success because I really just want to eat them all smothered in ice cream... but I digress.

What I have been learning about by going through this study is:

I can make healthier eating choices. I was telling the "Jesus-girls" in our group that I don't like to judge food by calling it unhealthy. But I can determine that one food is unhealthier than another.
Perspective is EVERYTHING. How we view food makes a difference in how we eat food. If we look to food as a source of indulgence or justification or COMFORT, then we eat it that way. If we pull back and remember that food is provision for energy and nutrition and health, then we will eat it that way.
Bring a friend. Being able to discuss my frustrations about eating healthier has helped me to apply what I am learning. Finding out that I am not the only one who struggles. And realizing that accountability truly is beneficial to success.
It's actually not about food. After reading the book and now doing the study with a group of caring friends, I have realized that this is not about the food. It is about trusting God to help me in all areas of my life. Whether I am praying for Him to help me only eat two cookies at a cookie exchange or I am praying for Him to help me control my anger when I feel like I am being misunderstood. The fact is... I am praying more and depending upon God more. And that is my endgame.
The Rewards. Seeing the change in the women in our group. Not just eating healthier, but becoming more and more transparent. Sharing the struggle. Encouraging one another. Doing life with one another. Because truly... "
the point is not to just get by. We want to live well, but our foremost efforts should be to help others live well."

“Everything is permissible”—but not everything is beneficial.

“Everything is permissible”—but not everything is constructive.

Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others.

1 Corinthians 10:23-24 NIV 1984

It is not as much about denying ourselves. It is about opening our eyes to the gifts that God has given and knowing that sometimes saying "no" to something means that we are saying "yes" to something even better.

I choose 1 Corinthians 10:23 NIV 1984 for my Siesta Scripture Memory Verse #23.

I choose 1 Corinthians 10:24 NIV 1984 for my Siesta Scripture Memory Verse #24.

What Is God's Will For You?

2011-12-17T19:46:00.000-08:00

July 2011 - Summer Day at Mt. Hood

Be joyful always;

Pray continually;

Give thanks in all circumstances,

for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 NIV 1984

I choose 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 NIV 1984 for my Siesta Scripture Memory Verse #22.

I Don't Want To Find My Want-To

2011-12-05T11:32:00.000-08:00

I don't want to find my want-to.

I have been reading Made to Crave and it teaches that
We pretty much know the how-to.
The how-to lose weight.
And that is true.
I do know how to.
I've done it enough times before.
So many times that I don't want to try again.
Why bother?
I'll lose the weight and then gain it back.
So why bother.
Why go through the deprivation for a couple weeks
Only to get back to where I was?
And perhaps even more.
I don't want to find my want-to.
It is too much effort.
I don't want to fail,
Again.

I don't want to find my want-to.

But what I really don't want to do is
Buy more clothes.
Bigger clothes.
And I don't want to keep seeing myself
In a photo
And wonder
Why does my face look rounder than before?
And I really don't want to admit that
I rely upon my personality to
Overcome my over-layering of clothes
And scarves.

And I don't want to
Judge or be judged.
Some would say to me
You don't need to lose any weight.
And I don't want to
think that skinniness is tied to godliness.
But
I do need to find my want-to
And the only true lasting change in my life
Has come from my relationship with God.

Do I need to find my want-to?
What I need is
To want to find my want-to.

And tomorrow
I will hang out with some sisters
Who will be wanting to find their want-to, too.
And maybe
We will find it together.

But right now
I'll admit
That I don't want to.
So for now
I will be praying that
I will be willing to find
My want-to.

Christmas Concerts

2011-12-05T09:19:00.000-08:00

photography by Anthony Kaetzel

Christopher is singing in our church's Christmas Concerts this year. All 10 of them. There are about 200 singers and musicians with ages ranging from Kindergarten through adult. And there are probably about the same number of amazing volunteers behind the scenes. Approximately 10,000 to 15,000 people will enjoy the performances... and given the opportunity to surrender their hearts to the Lord through Jesus Christ, His Son.

This is the first time Christopher has worn a tuxedo. And because we have been having beautiful inordinate amounts of sunshine (and lack of rain), we stopped by Gabriel Park to get these photos.

Christopher thoroughly enjoys being part of the youth choir at our church. And I was thinking... that if you are local and your child does not have an opportunity to be part of a Christmas Performance or a choir... they could be part of ours. You don't have to attend our church or be a member for your child to be part of this experience. Practices are normally 6-7pm on Wednesdays. The elementary grades have a musical in the spring and the upper grades go on tour in the summer.

Christopher's friend, K'reisa, came to watch one of Saturday's performances. It is always fun to share the experience with friends.

Christmas Tree Hunt 2011

2011-11-25T14:57:00.000-08:00

Top 10 Reasons for Avoiding The Ugly Cry

2011-11-08T12:40:00.000-08:00

I had an ugly cry yesterday. And let me tell you... it was not pretty (and hence no photo for this post). It wasn't because Anthony was away... although I am sure that fact doesn't help. I haven't had an ugly cry in awhile and I want to remember that I really don't like it and don't want to do it, again. So to remind myself I created a list of the Top 10 Reasons to Avoid The Ugly Cry.

Top 10 Reasons to Avoid The Ugly Cry

#10 Totally defeats any work you have done with overcoming your insecurity.

#9 Your husband isn't home to pick up the pieces.

#8 It's hard to be discreet when out in public.

#7 It can turn into hyperventilating.

#6 It makes your friends ask what is wrong and then you start crying all over, again.

#5 It makes your eyes sink deep inside your head (which is why it is called the "ugly" cry).

#4 You end up sleeping with a stuffed animal like a little girl.

#3 You end up with an ugly cry hangover the next morning.

#2 Your son wants to hug you over and over again to make it all right which makes you want to cry, again.

And the #1 Reason to Avoid the Ugly Cry

You'll always remember the outfit you were wearing and will avoid wearing it in the future as if it holds some key to the Ugly Cry.

"The Leaking Window" Whines About A Blocked Drainspout

2011-11-07T13:19:00.000-08:00

Been looking through my Ethiopia posts... I am kinda missing someone. Came across this post of pictures from Ethiopia... and thought it was worthy of a re-post. From May 20, 2010. Praying it ministers to you in your current situation.

Ethiopia, April 2010

photography by Anthony

I was thinking I should sell my house today. It was raining pretty hard and one of the gutters was overflowing. It was cold and wet outside and I thought... if only I sold this house and had another... then I wouldn't have this problem. I wouldn't have to see or deal with this overflowing gutter.

I wasn't positive that was the solution, so I asked Anthony about it... hoping he would fix it for me. He couldn't take the time to fix it for me because he was working. He thought perhaps their was a blockage at the drainspout. He gave me some great advice... find the downspout and clear out the blockage. But it was cold and wet... and even hailing, so I thought perhaps when it is not so wet... I will go take a look.

Within minutes the clouds parted... the gutters were not overflowing anymore... and I kindof forgot about it... and I was sooo happy that I didn't have to decide whether to sell the house or find the yucky blocked downspout.

But here's the thing... the next time it rains... that blocked downspout is going to cause overflowing gutters, again. And I will go through the same thinking... should I just get rid of this house or perhaps wish I had cleaned out that drainspout.

And as I begin to think about it... it is really expensive to sell and buy a home... and there is all that packing involved... and Christopher would miss his neighborhood friends... and what about my beautiful garden... and the truth be told... the next house would end up (like every other home in Portland) having blocked drainspouts. And would I want to sell the next house... no, not really.

However, the idea of cleaning the drainspout sounds yucky and cold. I sure wish someone else would fix it for me. But the problem there is... I don't know when that would be. And I might have to start nagging about someone else fixing a problem that I could fix myself.

So, in the warmth of the sun, I decided to take a stroll in the backyard. Looked in the gutter. Yup, it is still blocked. Looked for the downspout. It was within easy reach... but I had to steady myself to get to it. Saw there was a yucky mess... decided to stick my hand in and move the mess... and to my delight... the water started to flow down the downspout. And flow. And flow. And flow. And it was actually a pretty neat sight to behold... and pleasing to listen to... And the satisfaction... that I did it myself.

I haven't had the chance to tell Anthony yet that I did it. He's still working. But I have to tell you that doing it myself gave me a little boost of confidence if something like this happens, again. I know if it is a downspout I can't reach on my own that I will need to ask someone to help me... but I am relieved to now know that I don't have to sell my house.

Seem like a silly story? It's true... okay, well... I really wasn't thinking about selling the house. But it has made me wonder... what trouble or hardship or trial or suffering in my life is causing me to think that I just have to do something more drastic than is warranted so I don't have to deal with it? What problem have I determined to be one that I wish someone else would fix for me... when I could easily fix it myself... even though I might have to do a little hard work? What difficulty... if I only might ask for a little expert advice and get a different perspective... might be taken care of within moments of taking that advice? And I wonder if I had waited until the next time my problem flared up... I would have found that it caused additional damage which could have been averted had I taken care of it sooner?

Often in the midst of our difficulty we lose perspective... and think that the radical answer will solve the problem. But that is only true for the moment. Because if we count the entire cost, we will find out we have only delayed solving the problem... and have perhaps added more complications in the long run.

Food being generously poured out into containers for the poorest of poor.

And here is where we turn to the Lord and ask for wisdom and guidance. Trusting and obeying Him. In all areas of our lives whether it be a blocked drainspout... or a lousy marriage... or a broken relationship... or... well, fill in the blank. And God will be there for you...

There's more to come: We continue to shout our praise 

even when we're hemmed in with troubles, 

because we know how troubles can develop
passionate patience in us,
and how that patience in turn forges
the tempered steel of virtue,
keeping us alert
for whatever God will do next.

In alert expectancy such as this, 

we're never left feeling shortchanged.

Quite the contrary—we can't round up enough containers 

to hold everything God generously pours into our lives 

through the Holy Spirit!

Romans 8:3-5 The Message

I am praying for you, dear sister.  Never forget that... In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I [Jesus] have overcome the world. (John 16:33) 

As of Late - November 5th, 2011

2011-11-05T13:31:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've been to the apple farm with my favorite son and my hubby. (Anthony taking a photo of me taking a photo of them... or is he checking Twitter?)

Lately, I helped my son make a white iPhone 4S to wear as he gathered candy from the neighbors.

Lately, I've been knitting washcloths. (The reason I started knitting at all.)

Lately, I've been killing time as my man has been in Ethiopia.

Lately, I watched Anthony cross the finish line of his 12th marathon.

Lately, I watched Christopher shave his teacher's hair off.

Lately, I've gotten to enjoy the color of fall.

Lately, I've learned about Words With Friends and Scrabble on Facebook. (Let's play!)

Made To Crave

2011-11-03T20:05:00.000-07:00

In the desert they gave in to their craving;

in the wilderness they put God to the test.

Psalm 106:14 NIV

I have had friends at my church recommend Made to Crave: Satisfying Your Deepest Desire with God, Not Food by Lysa TerKeurst. I purchased the audio book and within a few chapters I decided that the Made to Crave DVD small group would be my Bible Study over the month of December.

At first I thought I really couldn't call it a "Bible" Study. Thinking it would just be about dieting. But after reading it, with all confidence, I can call this a Bible Study. I'd have to say the book and study somewhat remind me of So Long, Insecurity by Beth Moore. Because it goes in depth as to why we respond in certain ways and brings us back around to who we are in Christ. It continually points to God's word and who God is and who we are in Him. Also, having a community to support you as you work your way through.

I am so impressed with the material in this book because it transcends eating issues. It is useful in other areas of life. I'll give you a current example.

My husband is in Ethiopia. When he travels for long periods of time, I miss him greatly. ...Yet your desire and craving will be for your husband.... Genesis 3:1 AMP I disconnect emotionally and go through a bit of a withdrawl. Since the book had been talking about looking at what I "crave" I decided to apply the material to this situation. Looking at my craving for my husband and filling that need with God himself. And it is amazing at the transformation. When I start to dip into feeling sorry for myself and feeling lonely for him, I focus on the One who conquered loneliness on the cross.

Some people wonder why I do a Bible Study during the holidays. I have come to know myself and how I need accountability to keep me in the Word of God and in daily relationship with Him. I admit that I don't have as much time to decorate for the Christmas season, but I know that when the holidays are over I don't have as much of a let down emotionally. It's my way of keeping Christ in Christmas.

I choose Psalm 106:14 NIV for my Siesta Scripture Memory Verse #21.

A High Tower For The Oppressed

2011-10-31T14:11:00.000-07:00

Grand Canyon Desert View Watchtower

The Lord also will be a refuge and

a high tower for the oppressed,

a refuge and a stronghold in times of

trouble(high cost, destitution, and desperation).

Psalm 9:9 Amplified Version

I was visiting with a friend yesterday. And she was heart-sick. Broken. And wondering... Where was God in all of this? Financial strain. Broken relationships. A daughter who was in an abusive relationship... and pregnant. Illness. Parents aging. Family stress.

And she was wondering... Where was God in all of this? And I felt like she was asking me for an answer. What do you think, Sheri? Where is God in all of this? You know I believe Him and trust in Him and I know you do, too. So, give me your perspective. Where is God in all of this?

And I was desperately begging God to show me where He was in all of this. Where are you God? Because I have to give her an answer and she is hurting right now. And I don't want to tell her that I don't know where you are. Because it is hard for me to see that in all that she is dealing with right now. And her problems are so big that I cannot do anything to help her. I want to give her comfort, Lord. I need some words that would lift her spirit.

And... nothing. No catchy words. Nothing spiritual. And I waited. For a nudge. For something. God, quick... I need to tell her something so she will feel better right now. And so that I will feel better right now. And I will feel like I helped her. And she will feel like I helped her. And she will be glad that she saw me today.

Moments seemed like hours as I was catching my breath to try and speak some life-changing words. So, I grabbed her hand and pulled it tight into mine... and prayed over her. And as I was praying the thought came to me, What did that Philip Yancey book say about what to say to those who are hurting? What wise words? What were those words? What magnificent meaningful words could I pray over her?

And I remembered. Hope. God is our hope. He offers us hope. Sometimes there are no words. Just hope. And as I prayed them... prayed words of hope over her... they seemed at first hollow. Was I wishing for her? Was there really something hopeful in her situation? Would God really work all these things out? Would He show Himself to her? I feared that I might be just trying to give her hope. Give her hope. Give her hope.

And that's when I realized that I truly did believe that God would follow through. He always has. He always will. And that in the end... it's not about me... and what I say... or how I pray. But it is truth. That He gives us hope. That He is a tower. A refuge. A stronghold. And sometimes when we are in a moment of desperation we need our friends to come around us and point out the strong tower. Who is there. Has always been there. Will always be there.

Praying that if you need hope today... you'll let me encourage you and pray for you.

And in my heart I knew... I was going to Houston.

2011-10-26T21:43:00.000-07:00

Siestas - Linda, Sheri, Beth Moore, Jackie and Charlotte

I had decided that I wasn't going to go. To Houston. To see Beth Moore. To celebrate another year of memorizing scripture. To see wonderful women who I had met in January 2010. I was not going to go.

Well, actually I had planned on going, but after a year of dealing with the TSA on multiple occasions... I vowed that my travel via airplane would be severely limited. And I meant it. Of course, I did.

But when our son, Christopher, returned from a recent Christian Youth Convention I felt a familiar nudge. A nudge that reminded me that sometimes... we need to get away. Get away and get with God. Have a spiritual retreat. Hear a word from the Word of God. Be separate. Set apart. And in my heart I knew... I was going to Houston.

I have kept in touch with quite a few Siestas that I met in January of 2010 via Facebook. Wonderful women who encourage me. I can't wait to hug their necks... and perhaps stop by Pappasito's... and don a little something feathery and pink.

I would love to know if you'll be there.

Just a post from the past to remind me of the future...

Friday, January 22, 2010

Siesta Scripture Memory Team Celebration!
I'm Not Exactly What You Call a Redneck...

I arrived in Houston yesterday afternoon to SUN and warmth. The sun actually warms your skin as it hits you. Oh my! It is sweet... and I even remembered to bring my sunglasses and sandals.

It had been suggested (by Siesta Anne) to wear something pink to recognize one another at the airports and throughout the weekend. If you were brave enough... or silly enough... they suggested a pink boa. I am wearing a bright pink feather boa which attracts a lot of siestas and attention! But it is molting! and unbeknownst to me - staining my clothes and neck! So, I'm not exactly what you call a redneck... but I guess you could call me a pinkneck?

Thursday morning, I flew from Portland to Seattle. When I got on the plane in Seattle I noticed two gals wearing pink scarves... and I asked them if they were going to see Beth. They were and then they pointed out the other Siestas who coincidentally (wink) were sitting around us. We hadn't planned it... but God did. There were seven of us within three rows of each other. I even got to sit next to Siesta Angie. Other Siestas were Marybeth, Donna, Emily, Marykay and Amanda. Seven in all!

I met up with Siesta Jackie (aka Rooney) at the airport. We had found each other through Siesta Angie's spreadsheet. Siesta Charlotte and her mom Julie also had hooked up with Siesta Jackie.

I am so glad I did not rent a car on my own! I read the directions as Siesta Jackie drove. I would have been in tears if I would have had to navigate the streets of Houston on my own.

Thursday night, we hopped in the hotel's stretch limo and had dinner at PF Changs. Yum! And returned to a hotel which had been ordered by the city to turn off the water for emergency repairs. We had to fill our tubs just in case of emergency, and the hotel provided bottled water and antiseptic wipes. It really was a non issue... but memorable oddly enough.

We started meeting more and more ladies who had traveled alone to the SSTMC. They were drawn to us because of our boas... and we jokingly said... "We've met our new BFFs for the first time!" We would invite them to ride with us to the church... or join us for dinner. Always amazed at how quickly we bonded. A lot of people mistook us as having come together because we chatted together like lifelong friends... which is what we are now.

Today we hung out in the Presidential Suite at the Omni. LPM had reserved it for the Siestas as just a place to meet. Charlotte, Jackie and I were up there reviewing our memory verses as ladies came in to chat or just check out the room. We met siestas who stopped by... like Danelle, Eleanor, Sheila and Janice. You just might end up seeing some of them on my Facebook!

And of course, the SUN was here... bright and vivid and WARM! I sat by the pool just soaking it in! (I am serious when I say that it immediately "brightened" my day!)

Siestas Sheri, Charlotte, Anne & Linda

We met Amanda (Beth's daughter) as we left the hotel parking lot... and of course, took plenty of photos. We told her we were going to Papasito's and she highly recommended the chicken fajitas... and was she right! While at dinner, Siesta Anne was about to dine on her own, but we pulled her right in... and she is just a delight! Well, you would have to be if you were the one who thought of the pink feather boas, right?

We arrived at the church to meet our 507 other BFFs. We met in Beth's former Bible Study room. Still we stood at the door for almost an hour waiting to get good seats, but any seat was a good seat! Amanda, Melissa and Travis were there along with all the other wonderful LPM staff.

Then I saw Siesta Christina who I met on Audrey's spreadsheet via blogland... and she lives in Roseburg, OR. Sounds like a roadtrip to me! Of course, there are a couple of ladies trying to convince me to fly to Lexington, Kentucky for the Beth Moore conference in August... and what about the one in Spokane, Washington in October?

LPM hard working staff.

And then... Beth shared how they were audio taping the event... and how the other 1,500 Siestas who completed their 24 verses would be able to download the event. She soooo missed you Siestas! And the rest of us, too!

Well, I better get to bed. I have to get up and pack in the morning so I can check out and head to the event... and hang out with some amazing women... and then hop on a plane back to Oregon tomorrow night... where with anticipation... I'll be walking through the security area... leaving the gate area... and I will see a familiar sight... and feel a familiar tug. There will be people (Anthony and Christopher!) lined up waiting anxiously for me to walk through the security area... and well, I have to tell you I am looking forward to that moment... when I am waited for... looked for... and feel special... even if it took a little planning ahead of time!

Hurt, Hope, Healing

2011-10-23T21:32:00.000-07:00

Grand Canyon

"Therefore, since we have such a hope, we are very bold."

2 Corinthians 3:12 NIV 1984

I recently finished reading Where Is God When It Hurts? by Philip Yancey. A friend of mine was reading it for a small group. She mentioned that it would give insight into helping others who are going through something difficult. She was right.

The book touched me so much that I wanted to make sure I remembered its central theme. Hope. So, I chose 2 Corinthians 3:12 as my 20th verse for the Siesta Scripture Memory Team. The book is a bit longer than most, but worth the investment of every word that is read. Technical at times, but always revolving around the fact that pain is a necessary ~~evil~~ warning signal that something is not right. And that we are lovingly made by God. I marvel at the fact that there is not a pain nervous system. Pleasure and pain use the same nerves. And that our brains can tell the difference... well, we are marvelously made by God.

Earlier in the summer I had read A Place of Healing: Wrestling with the Mysteries of Suffering, Pain, and God's Sovereignty by Joni Eareckson Tada. To my delight Philip Yancey used Joni Eareckson Tada as an example of how someone who deals with pain presses into God and His ultimate goodness and finds hope in trusting Him. This particular audiobook was read by the author and was such a blessing.

I pray that if you are dealing with your own suffering and pain or a loved one's that you might find these books as a comfort and a guide. I know I will be referring back to them.

I know this sounds like a paid endorsement... but it isn't.
It's just me.
Me being bold.
Because I have such a hope.
And I want you to have that hope, too.

I choose 2 Corinthians 3:12 NIV 1984 for my Siesta Scripture Memory Verse #20.

Girls Behaving Prudishly

2011-10-13T12:07:00.000-07:00

Perceived Judgment. I am sure it comes across that way. People reading my current Facebook status and thinking... "Who is she to judge?" And I have to accept the fact that my boldness today may cause others to think me judgmental... and prudish!

My Facebook status:

Just found it necessary to unfriend someone on FB. A "friend" who was commenting on photos of young women who are scantily clad. Women who are not his wife. (I never would have "seen" this but the new FB ticker so generously gave me this information.) Just wanting to take this opportunity to let you know that this type of behavior can kill the soul of your wife. I will be praying for this family.

And you are right. Prude and Prejudiced. But let's get down to the reality of the situation. I looked. I saw. And I looked, again. And my self-talk went something like this, "Well, I better just check and make sure I saw what I saw. I am sure that was not what I saw. So, I better go check their Facebook wall." And when I went to their wall... there was more. And I looked. Again.

Eerily enough I wrote about this very subject last year... almost exactly a year ago, in the post "I have a reputation for being a prude." And so, as I protect my eyes (and my mind and heart and soul), I pray that those of you who may not suffer from a past of sexual dysfunctional would be aware that those of us who do... may need to unfriend you. And know that I am praying... and considering what to do with the information... especially because this "friend" may be friends with your daughters... and sons.

Thursday, October 7, 2010
I have a reputation for being a prude.

It happens in a blink, It happens in a flash...

You may want to skip this reading this post. I'm getting on my soap box... I'm a little emotional... and most of you will find this contentious, so here's your way out... S T O P READING NOW!

I have a reputation of being a prude. Although I disagree with that assessment, I will not deny that many times I may come across that way. Actually, I like to think of myself not as a prude... but as prudent.

Anyway, I'm not sure if I'm angry or incensed or mad or frustrated. Why? Because there is a current Facebook message that is circulating around that says something to the effect of: "In order to increase awareness of October Breast Cancer Awareness month: Women will be posting to their Facebook status where they put their handbag the moment they get home... ie likes it on the couch, likes it on the kitchen counter or likes it on the dresser." For those of you unfamiliar with Facebook, basically a status would look like this

Sheri Kaetzel likes it on the kitchen counter.

And here's the big joke... we are NOT supposed to let men know what we are talking about... as if they are imbeciles. And in reality men aren't even concerned with what we are talking about because the innuendo is obvious... and intentional... my status has now become a sexual innuendo. I have caused someone pause to wonder... What exactly does Sheri like on the kitchen counter?

Perhaps this wouldn't bother me quite as much but last year to "encourage Breast Cancer Awareness" this same type of message was sent around but this time it was encouraging women to write the color of the bra they were wearing as their status. And again... hee hee, don't tell the men. Of course, the men did find out... and that meant that my husband and the rest of the world knew the colors of the bras that young girls in my church were wearing that day. Sad. All in the name of "promoting" Breast Cancer Awareness... not.

Why this bothers me so much? Because I have a history of sexual dysfunction in my generational background. I am bound and determined to break that cycle for the generations to come. And that includes my son. We are raising him to be pure of heart and soul and mind... and body. And to one day look forward to a loving marriage without sexual baggage to take along... and to find a young woman with the same heart and soul and mind... and body.

And if you have ever read Shaunti Feldhahn's For Women Only: What You Need To Know About The Inner Lives of Men... you'll know what I am talking about... men's minds are wired a certain way... which is much different than women's minds. We think we are being cute or funny... or supposedly promoting a good cause... but what we are really doing are leading men's minds to think on things that are not really lovely or pure or honorable...

And you know what, you can disagree with me all you like, but the thing is that I was raised thinking EVERYthing was a sexual innuendo whether it was or not... and then I started making sexual innuendos with men... not caring the least bit whether they were married or not... just wanting their attention. So when I made a decision to stop the sexual dysfunction in my own life... one of the things that had to change was sexual innuendos. I had to stop thinking EVERYthing was a sexual innuendo... and I had to stop causing others to stumble, too.

Now, you may think this is my problem. And I need to get over it. And you are right. But the thing is if you take a look around... this is a huge problem. And these little innuendos may be cute for the moment... but they may assist in the downfall of someone else.

And I'm truly sorry if this makes anyone feel guilty about their status. That is NOT my intent. My intent is to help you have an awareness of the slippery slope that a lot of us live on... and to remember that we are in this world, but not of it. And that there are better ways to promote October as Breast Cancer Awareness month. Maybe with a status something like:

Sheri Kaetzel would like to remind everyone that October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. And she thanks God that there is HOPE... and a future... for those who have been diagnosed with Breast Cancer.

Okay... I'm done now.

Straight Paths

2011-10-09T20:28:00.000-07:00

"In all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will make your paths straight."

Proverbs 3:6 NIV 1984

"At first glance, it looks as if Solomon is guaranteeing that if we trust God, he will straighten out whatever path we choose. But what this verse actually asserts is that God will make the best path obvious. If we trust with all our hearts, refuse to lean into our limited understanding, and submit every aspect of our lives to him, the best path will become unmistakably clear. Divine direction begins with unconditional submission. Not information." Andy Stanley, The Principle Of The Path

"Have you ever asked God to give you several alternatives so you could choose the best one for you? How many options does God have to give you for you to have the right one?" ~ Experiencing God, Henry Blackaby

These quotes came across my path today in my Bible Study and in my reading. Something about asking God to make the best path obvious and trusting Him that it will be the right one. So I thought this verse would be good for memorizing.

 I choose Proverbs 3:6 NIV 1984 for my Siesta Scripture Memory Verse # 19.   

I choose Exodus 14:31 NIV 1984 for my Siesta Scripture Memory Verse #18... but forgot to post it.

"And when the Israelites saw the great power of the Lord 

displayed against the Egyptians, the people feared the Lord 

and put their trust in him and in Moses his servant." 

Exodus 14:31 NIV 1984

Yesterday does not define you...

2011-10-05T11:14:00.000-07:00

Yesterday at Bible Study, our table leader, Jean Balle, encouraged us to discuss our feelings about the teaching that morning from Experiencing God (Session 3). Getting no response from the rest of us... she relented and shared first.

She had been touched by the story of a woman who had difficulty accepting love from God (or anyone for that matter) due to her fractured relationship with her father. Not only did the woman have difficulty receiving love... she had difficulty sharing her love because she had set up so many walls to protect herself from ever being hurt, again.

Jean then shared how this affected her... and it spurred the rest of us to share about our relationships with our earthly fathers. It wasn't pretty. Sometimes you hear about the good, the bad and the ugly? Well, this was the bad and the ugly. It was NOT a time of persecuting those men who were not taught about how to be a father, but it was a time of grieving for the little girls who never felt loved or accepted or wanted by their fathers... and how that affected their ability to think of God... to love God... to receive God's love... as Abba Father.

But then... it did get good. We discussed how we longed to know a Father's love. How we wanted our children to know the Father's love. How we wanted to be the change that we desired. That in this moment of painful healing, we would allow God to redeem our pain, so that we could touch the future generations.

And then this morning, as I was listening to my current favorites playlist, Matthew West's song came on. It is the song that has ministered to me the most from his album (er, CD for you younger folks) The Story of Your Life -- "Family Tree." I know the words by heart. They tend to my heart. They speak of who I am. Not carrying on the sins of my earthly father. Of God breaking the chains that wanted to bind me to a different legacy... of finding real love... of holding my precious son... of changing the course of generations... knowing that I am loved and chosen by my Heavenly Father.

I pray that this song and lyrics minister to your hurting soul, too.

Know that you are not alone.
Know that you do not have to leave a legacy of dysfunction.
Know that you are loved and chosen.
Know that He will restore all that was broken.

You are loved.

And PS... Jean Balle, you are leaving quite a phenomenal legacy.

Blessed Beyond Measure

Jean is in my life... for such a time as this

Family Tree

Artist: Matthew West

You didn't ask for this
Nobody ever would
Caught in the middle of this dysfunction
It's your sad reality
It's your messed up family tree
And all your left with all these questions

Are you gonna be like your father was and his father was?
Do you have to carry what they've handed down?

No, this is not your legacy
This is not your destiny
Yesterday does not define you
No, this is not your legacy
This is not your meant to be
I can break the chains that bind you

I have a dream for you
It's better than where you've been
It's bigger than your imagination
You're gonna find real love
And you're gonna hold your kids
You'll change the course of generations

No, this is not your legacy
This is not your destiny
Yesterday does not define you
No, this is not your legacy
This is not your meant to be
I can break the chains that bind you

Cause you're my child
You're my chosen
You are loved
You are loved

And I will restore
All that was broken
You are loved
You are loved

And just like the seasons change
Winter into spring
You're bringing new life to your family tree now
Yes you are
You are

No, this will be your legacy
This will be your destiny
Yesterday did not define you
No, this will be your legacy
This will be your meant to be
I can break the chains that bind you

And just like the seasons change
Winter into spring
You're bringing new life to your family tree now.

The Decision.

2011-10-03T11:54:00.000-07:00

Quick snap of the camera shutter... catching beauty at the Grand Canyon.

Quick. I had to make a decision.
She wouldn't look at me.
We have known each other for a couple years.
We hadn't spoken in a while.
I stood there waiting to say hello.
But she would not even share a glance with me.
She spoke to others.
Carried on a conversation with others.

And I had to make a decision.
The self-talk was overwhelming me.
Like a wave. A big wave. An overwhelming wave.
Would I ride the wave?
Or would the wave ride me?
Would I swim?
Or would I sink?
Or would I drown?

I had to make a quick decision.
As the thoughts raced through my head.
Did I do something wrong?
Is there something wrong with me?
Does she know that she is ignoring me?
Right in front of others.

Okay, deep breath.
Am I being insecure?
YES!
Is she hurting my feelings?
YES!
Is she being mean?
Maybe.

Okay, what am I going to do?
Quick.
What am I going to do?
I am fading.
Into my insecurity.
Quick, Sheri. Make the decision.
The decision.
What's it going to be?

Okay, deep breath.
Am I being insecure?
YES!
Is she hurting my feelings?
YES!
Is she being mean?
Maybe.
Is there something else going on?
Maybe.
Is she insecure around me?
~~Maybe~~.
YES!

The decision.
Grace.
Grace.
For her.
Grace.
For me.

Okay, Lord.
I am redirecting my thoughts.
It's not about me.
I don't need it to be about me.
I will offer her grace.
I will offer her grace for my sake.

And I will gracefully turn around.
Look for someone else.
Offer a smile. A hello.
And move on.

Reminding myself that she may not realize that I am not as secure as she thinks I am.
Of course, she isn't thinking of me at all.
But part of me wants to let her know...
Just because I look like I am a really secure person...
It doesn't mean her insecurity doesn't affect me.
And for her sake I will pray for her.
And for my sake I will pray for her.

But for my own sake... I made the decision. Praying that you can, too.

As of Late - September 26th, 2011

2011-09-26T11:53:00.000-07:00

Grand-iose Canyon

Lately, I made biscotti using a cake mix I purchased for 50 cents. It was on sale and I had a coupon, so I got two boxes of Betty Crocker cake mix for $1. Frosting is ridiculously expensive (comparatively speaking), so I didn't buy any... knowing I could get a recipe on the web. But I decided to look on Betty Crocker's website for recipes where you use the cake mix to make something other than cakes. I found biscotti. I didn't have all the listed ingredients, so I used the Devil's Food cake mix, flour, eggs, oil and slivered almonds which I had on hand. I skipped the chocolate dipped part, too. They were so easy to make! I purchased a carrot cake mix, too. I am thinking of making a carrot cranberry biscotti.

Lately, I've still been able to enjoy my garden. Although the lettuce grew weary... and wilted. So for the first time all summer I actually had to buy lettuce! I buy it at our local farmer's market. Now, I will be prepared for next year -- if we have a heat wave -- by covering the lettuce with cheesecloth. The cucumbers finally came in and are about done. The tomatoes are becoming ripe and I think I will be looking to make some salsa or freeze some or make sun-dried tomatoes. Well, sun-dried without the sun... I'll use the dehydrator I got at a yard sale this summer.

Lately, Anthony and I finished facilitating our Sunday School class through the Conference Series of Love and Respect. Although we have gone through the Love and Respect curriculum before, the conference series was amazing. Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is quite a dynamic speaker and hearing the material from him directly just made it come to life. I have to admit that realizing my contemptuous attitude could totally shut Anthony down opened my eyes. And made me realize that there is more to just loving a man, but treating him with respect just as I expect to be treated with dignity.

Lately, I have been "replacing myself." It has been a dream of mine for the past year or so, actually. After reading the book Seven Practices of Effective Ministry by Andy Stanley and Lane Jones, I became aware of the need to "Replace Yourself. Learn to hand off what you do." It's like mentoring... or apprenticing. Seeing the potential in the people around me and helping them to be successful in an area that I tend to be successful at. I end up moving on to something else that God is calling me to... and seeing others move into their calling. It's awesome!

"If you fail to develop a strategy to replace yourself, you will…
…force talented individuals to remain in the wings.
…cause potential leaders to exit the organization.
…stifle needed insight from valuable team members.
…hinder your ability to recruit volunteers.
…limit the growth of your programs and ministries."

“No matter who you are, how famous or powerful, one day somebody will replace you.”

“Replacing yourself means that you are willing to hand someone else a significant piece of what you do. You are then responsible to help this person own it and succeed at it. When he or she succeeds, make sure they are applauded and recognized for what they have done.”

Lately, our ladies' Bible Study began the DVD Series Experiencing God by Henry Blackaby. This is my 5th time through the study. (1998, 2002, 2008, 2010 and now). I don't say this to brag. Quite the contrary. I say this for two reasons. 1. The material is timeless and foundational. 2. This material encourages me in my walk with God every time I go through it. The workbook/homework is daunting, but you get out of it what you put into it. Learning about how to "experience" God more than just "knowing" Him. If you are in the Portland area, it is not too late to join us at Portland Christian Center on Tuesday mornings or Wednesday nights.

So, what have you been up to... as of late?

I Love Stopping Slavery

2011-09-17T14:38:00.000-07:00

“Now then, stand still and see this great thing

the LORD is about to do before your eyes!"

1 Samuel 12:16 NIV

Christopher and I volunteered at the SCTNOW.ORG Walk/Run this morning. I have to admit that I don't know a lot about this organization or about the cause it represents, so you may wonder why I volunteered at all.

And may I admit even more? I don't want to know more about the cause it represents.

Child sex trafficking. Child sex slavery. Adults abducting children. Pimping children to make money.

When I think about the stories I heard this morning about why this organization exists, I actually have to stop myself. If I think on the stories, I would cave in on myself. Stories that are not part of my reality. Stories that make me think that my tainted childhood could not even be considered tainted at all in comparison. They are so unreal. And it is as if I have to force myself to partly think they are not real, so that I can continue on with my day.

Where I live. Portland, Oregon. We're considered a hub for child sex trafficking. Better yet... Pornland, Oregon. That's where I live.

And it would be easy for me to think that there is nothing I can do to stop this situation. To help any of the precious children. But I wonder if awareness is part of the solution. You can't be part of a solution if you don't know a problem exists.

SCTNow exists to stop child trafficking by targeting the source of child trafficking: predators who drive the sex industry everywhere in the world, including in your local community. SCTNow has partnered with specially trained operatives familiar with what it takes to infiltrate, investigate and bring to justice the predators victimizing children worldwide.

I know I can't solve the problem. But I can't ignore it, either.

"Then the King  will say to those on his right, 

'Enter, you who are blessed by my  Father! 

Take what's coming to you in this kingdom. 

It's been ready for  you since the world's foundation. 

And here's why: 

   I was hungry and you fed me, 
   I was thirsty and you gave me a drink, 
   I was homeless and you gave me a room, 
   I was shivering and you gave me clothes, 
   I was sick and you stopped to visit, 
   I was in prison and you came to me.'

"Then those 'sheep' are going to say,

'Master, what are you talking about?

When did we ever see you hungry and feed you,

thirsty and give you a drink?

And when did we ever see you sick or

in prison and come to you?'

Then the King will say,

'I'm telling the solemn truth:

Whenever you did one of these things

to someone overlooked or ignored,

that was me—you did it to me.'"

Matthew 25:34-40 The Message

You Inspire Shouts of Joy

2011-09-12T20:56:00.000-07:00

God's Sunrise at Yavapai Point, Grand Canyon

Those who live at the ends of the earth

stand in awe of your wonders.

From where the sun rises to where it sets,

you inspire shouts of joy.

Psalm 65:8 NLT

Thank you, Lord.

For the sunrise.

For the sunset.

For all the moments in between.

Clothe Yourself With Strength and DignityEven When You Are Hiking the Grand Canyon

2011-09-03T19:08:00.000-07:00

Looking Over Ooh Aah Point and Cedar Ridge from Yavapai Point

(Saturday, almost 24 hours after the hike.)
Anthony brings the tripod to capture the three of us!

On Friday, we hiked to Ooh Aah Point (and Cedar Ridge) from the South Kaibab Trailhead in the Grand Canyon. It was a 1.8 mile hike down into the canyon. Descending 1200-1500 feet. And with all the ooohing and aahhing we did... it took about 2 hours to get down to our goal destination. We took the recommended amount of water per person. We lathered the sunscreen. We had hats and light clothing. We had a lunch and snacks. And we took plenty of rest breaks and photo op breaks.

Needless to say that this 43-year old mama was pretty durn proud of herself when she reached Ooh Aah Point (and Cedar Ridge). Success! What a goal for me... and what a view. 360 degrees of Grandiosa Canyon! We were IN the canyon. Seeing vistas that a majority of visitors would never see. It was hot, but worth it. We sat eating our lunch and swatting off the very aggressive red ants. Looking at every detail far and near.

And then it was time. Huh? So, what you are telling me is that the real goal... the real success... would be getting this mama out of the canyon! Still with plenty of water and rest, we headed back the way we came. I knew it wouldn't be as scenic this time. It would require every ounce of energy I could muster to get myself to the top.

Worried? Yup, he was. Anthony was worried that I might suffer heat exhaustion. So he hiked behind me. Step by step. Checking me every so often. And making me rest and cool off as best as he could. But the inevitable happened... and I was starting to suffer... and we knew it. Our beloved water was becoming rarer and rarer. Time to pray? For sure!

And who would have imagined it? But that a light rain began to pour down on us. Just at the right time. What a gift from God... because we knew without the blessing of raindrops we were going to have a situation on our hands. It cooled my body temperature and I was able to pull/drag/tug/heave myself out of the canyon.

She is clothed with strength and dignity...

Proverbs 31:25

And as I was relishing my success... and dousing myself in water that was now so readily available... I found a rock to sit on as we waited for the bus to take us back to the car.

And as if I needed an example to share about my insecurity... I was about to get it. Like it or not. As we were waiting, I overheard a group of twenty-somethings say something about "how tired she looked... how worn out... how ragged." And I looked up. And they were all staring at me.

Immediately, almost instinctively, my head went straight down in shame. I felt shame. I knew how I looked. I hadn't brought make-up or a hair curler or even a brush. Barely any jewelry. And even my top and shorts didn't quite match. I knew my face was flushed red. And I was still struggling to get my breathing back to normal.

And then almost as immediately, I felt this strange urge within me. Shame? I have NOTHING to be ashamed about it. I am the same woman who was so proud of herself for pushing through and finishing this hike. I am the same woman who decided not to worry with makeup. Not to worry with my hair. I was the one who decided to seek comfort over couture.

And then in my strength and dignity,

I raised my head.

And looked them square in the eyes.

And then I smiled.

And my insecurity vanished

as quickly as it came.

I have to admit that I am not sure of which instance I am more proud of... conquering the hike to and from Ooh Aah Point... or so instantly refusing insecurity to get the best of me. Both things took a lot of hard work to do. And I will always treasure the day that I hiked with my family and I will look at the photos and have the memories with me. But knowing that I am getting to a point where I am not allowing my feelings and actions and reactions to be controlled by my insecurity... well, you know... that... is... PRICELESS!

Whether you are taking a hike... or trying to overcome your insecurity... make sure to invite some friends to go along with you! I am so very grateful for the women who joined me this summer as we said, "So Long, Insecurity!" We will complete our study on this Tuesday, but we are not finished. We will continue on the journey, but this time we have one another! Thank you, precious sisters, who helped me stay in the Word this summer.

It Reminds Me Most

2011-09-02T21:37:00.000-07:00

Anthony captures "Indescribable" at Yavapai Point

How lovely on the mountains are the feet of  him 

who brings good news... Isaiah 52:7 NASB

You can't describe it.
No words can capture.
Its enormity.
Its length.
Its width.
Its depth.

Grand must have meant something else when the canyon was named.
Because grand is just so... just so... grand.
This is bigger than grand. MUCH bigger.
And now that I think about it the word canyon doesn't describe it very well either.
I've been to canyons before.
And this is so... so... well, bigger than a canyon.

How is it that light can hit one part without hitting another part?
How is it that it can be clear blue sky and as you look across the abyss you see rain.
And then blue sky behind that?
Why is it so deceiving that you would think you could reach the river in one day.
But most would die trying to do that.
Humongous? No, that is not the word.

How can the weather be so different from the rim to the river?
How can there be so many layers and colors of rock?
And patterns.
And we can look at it all day.
And we can look at it from different viewpoints.
And we can hike down.
And slowly hike back up.

And so I have come to the determination that it reminds me most of God.
Indescribable.

Scripture Posted at Hermit's Rest, Grand Canyon

Sing to God,

sing praises to his name;

lift up a song to him

who rides upon the clouds;

his name is the LORD,

exult before him!

Psalm 68:4 RSV 

 I choose Psalm 68:4 for my Siesta Scripture Memory Verse # 17.   

Just in case my insecurity actually came across as lack of interest...

2011-08-29T15:52:00.000-07:00

I was working on my So Long, Insecurity homework this afternoon when I came across the question:

"Has insecurity ever robbed you of what could have been a rich friendship with another woman?"

And I was reminded of a post that I wrote on 11/8/08. It was long before Beth Moore ever mentioned--or even wrote--her book on insecurity, but I feel that it is totally relevant to what we will be discussing in our small group tomorrow. I hope it gives you some insight into the reality of how insecurity can affect our friendships even when we don't recognize it! Thank God, I am reconciled to this dear sister!

Saturday, November 8, 2008
Fruit of the Spirit: Partly Inspired By Your Blog...

"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and
there remember that your brother has something against you,
leave your gift there in front of the altar.
First go and be reconciled to your brother;
then come and offer your gift."
Matthew 5:23-24 NIV

What if you were a "stumbling block"... and didn't know it? How can you "go and be reconciled"?

On October 20th, I completed the last day of homework on the study of patience of The Fruit of the Spirit. Beth Moore ensured that we were well aware of the Greek word makrothumia which is the quality of patience found in the fruit of the Spirit. "The word means 'long-suffering in respect to persons' and is inspired by mercy. Mercy is fueled by forgiveness..."

She encouraged us to ask the Lord to "reveal the names of any whose hearts are hindered because of us" so that "fruit would result." I wrote a quick prayer in the margin. ... help others forgive me so that they can bear fruit!

Of course, I forgot about my little prayer. Until the other day...

On October 22nd, one of the gals I volunteer with shared that she had been weepy that day. Due to circumstances we could not finish our conversation. On the way home, I kept reminding myself to follow-up with an e-mail offering a compassionate listening ear if she was so inclined.

On the 23rd I did send the e-mail... and on the 24th... the Lord answered my prayer...

Here are a few excerpts from the e-mail I received from this dear sister... with her permission...

Please know that I’m not in any way trying to infer that you have caused me pain or problems. I just sense I’m supposed to break down some walls that keep me held back and laying myself out there seems to be the next step. My honesty is partly inspired by your blog, too btw.

...and I’ve spent time wondering, off and on (ok, pretty much whenever I have run into you, or something random brings you to mind, which is often enough to be called ‘regularly’) what exactly happened. So here I am pouring all this out, knowing that you may be feeling totally on the spot, as if you need to now reassure me of this or that. I hate that thought. So why am I going to push ‘send’? It comes down to 1) I just feel I was supposed to share without any expectation, 2) I believe I can count on you to be honest and 3) Just in case my insecurity actually came across as lack of interest, I wanted to let you know that was not the case.

And some excerpts from my response...

First and foremost... I treasure you! Thank you for trusting me with your honesty. All I can say is... "Wow!" I remember how we used to get together when you first moved here... we were building our friendship... and then something happened... and it was if we could not go back. Yes, unknowingly I did interpret your insecurity as lack of interest in our friendship.

And so Wednesday night when you were talking I felt a little jump in my spirit... maybe this is why I am here... for you. But I realize now... it is for me. I am sorry for the years we have been apart, but perhaps God had a reason in it all. Now, we can move ahead in honesty... and in security.

I am so sorry that I have brought you pain. I am so glad that you are such a strong woman... to risk it all... and put it on the line... and that we can trust God to bring healing to each of us individually and together.

I love you, sister!

And so, my dear sisters, I challenge you to pray the prayer... ask God to help others forgive you so that THEY can bear fruit. It may not turn out the way you think it should... but being obedient to the Lord is everything...

Be patient, then, brothers,
until the Lord's coming.
See how the farmer waits for the land
to yield its valuable crop
and how patient he is for
the autumn and spring rains.
James 5:7 NIV

Sisters, let us bear much fruit...

As of Late - August 29th, 2011

2011-08-29T08:27:00.000-07:00

Lately, our family traveled to Arizona.

And experienced Cathedral Rock in Sedona.

Lately, we traveled to the Grand Canyon.

And experienced the majesty of God's sunset.

Lately, I've learned that being prepared can mean

all the difference in your successfulness.

Lately, I've learned that a change in location

can mean a change in perspective.

Lately, I've learned that the sun can come out

whenever it pleases.

Lately, I celebrated my 23rd Wedding Anniversary

with the man I love (and respect!) the very most!

So, what have you been up to... as of late?

Not Just Holy.

2011-08-15T14:35:00.000-07:00

...the whole earth is full of his glory

And they were calling to one another:

“Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty; 

the whole earth is full of his glory.” 

Isaiah 6:3 NIV

I love this verse. As I think of the seraphim crying out to one another. Praising God. Almost unable to contain themselves. Only able to express God as holy, holy, holy. And I love the beauty behind why they sing that the Lord is holy, holy, holy. And I love this song. Especially when our friend Mark Williams sings it at our church...

Not just holy.

Not just holy, holy.

But holy, holy, holy.

Excerpt from The Holiness of God by R. C. Sproul

Here we encounter the crux of Isaiah's vision. It is the song of the seraphim that reveals the awesome message of this text. "And they were calling to one another: 'Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory'" (Isaiah 6:3). The song is the repetition of a single word--holy. Three times the word is sung in succession, giving the church its most august anthem. The song is called the Trisagion, which means simply the "three times holy."

The significance of the repetition of the holy can be easily missed. It represents a peculiar literary device that is found in Hebrew forms of literature, especially in poetry. The repetition is a form of emphasis. When we want to emphasize the importance of something in English, we have several devices from which to choose. We may underline the important words or print them in italics or boldface type. We may attach an exclamation point following the words or set them off in quotation marks. These are all devices to call the reader's attention to something that is especially important.

...On a handful of occasions the Bible repeats something to the third degree. To mention something three times in succession is to elevate it to the superlative degree, to attach to it emphasis of superimportance... Only once in sacred Scripture is an attribute of God elevated to the third degree. Only once is a characteristic of mentioned three times in succession. The Bible says that God is holy, holy, holy. Not that He is merely holy, or even holy, holy. He is holy, holy, holy.

I choose Isaiah 6:3 for my Siesta Scripture Memory Verse # 16.

Strength and Dignity

2011-08-11T18:20:00.000-07:00

She is clothed with strength and dignity,

and she laughs without fear of the future.

Proverbs 31:25 NLT 

I'm a bit behind on posting my memory verses. My 14th verse (7/15/11) was Proverbs 31:25. I choose it because Beth Moore dissects it in Chapter 8 of her book So Long, Insecurity. And I want to remember what I've learned about overcoming insecurity. Because overcoming insecurity is a process... and I want some positive triggers in my mind. Excerpt from Chapter 8:

"...part of any woman's healing from insecurity inevitably involves reclaiming her God-given dignity...

We have dignity precisely because God Himself gave it to us, His prized creation. You and I, along with every other human being on the planet, possess dignity because God Himself has it and He created us in His image...

To possess dignity is to be worthy of respect. Worthy of high esteem. Absorb this: you are worthy of respect. So am I. No matter how foolish insecurity has tried to make us feel, we have the right to dignity because God Himself gave it to us. If we really believed this truth, we wouldn't have to mask our insecurity with pride. If we knew who we were and what God has conferred upon us, what everybody else thought of us would grow less and less significant...

Our possession of dignity is not always something we feel. It's got to be something we know..."

Remember the quote, "God doesn't make junk"? Well, He doesn't. We are His workmanship! (Ephesians 2:10)

My 15th verse (8/1/11) is 1 Peter 3:1. I choose it because I realized that I had been focusing a lot (A LOT) on what I should be doing... and not focusing on what God had already done for me. And I want to praise Him because of it. He is the One worthy of honor and praise and glory.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ!

In his great mercy 

he has given us new birth into a living hope 

through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead.

1 Peter 3:1 NIV

This post, Our Thoughts Sown Become The Destiny We Own, gives more info on why I am memorizing scripture. And here are my previous 13 verses. I need to start practicing out loud. I'll be looking for someone to quiz me... Anybody going to Houston?

#13 “Delight yourself in the Lord
and he will give you the desires of your heart." 
Psalm 37:4 NIV

#12 “However, each one of you also must love his wife
as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
Ephesians 5:33 NIV

#11 "They all gave out of their wealth;
but she, out of her poverty,
put in everything--all she had to live on."
Mark 12:44 NIV

#10 "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, 

baptizing them in the name of the Father 

and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit..." 

Matthew 28:19 NIV

#9 "This is the confidence we have in approaching God: 
that if we ask  anything 
according to his will, 
he hears us."
1 John 5:14 


#8 "Judge not, that ye be not judged."
Matthew 7:1 KJV 


#7 "A gentle answer turns away wrath, 
but a harsh word stirs up anger."  
Proverbs 15:1


#6 “If it is possible, 
as far as it depends on you, 
live at peace with everyone.” 
Romans 12:18 NIV


# 5 "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."  
 1 Peter 5:7


# 4 "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God,
who gives generously to all without finding fault, 
and it will be given to him." 
James 1:5 NIV 


# 3 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, 
whenever you face trials of many kinds..." 
James 1:2 NIV


# 2 ...because you know that 
the testing of your faith 
develops perseverance.
James 1:3 NIV  


# 1 Perseverance must finish its work 
so that you may be mature and complete, 
not lacking anything.
James 1:4 NIV 

I had found security in my insecurity.

2011-08-01T20:59:00.000-07:00

The more we learn about what causes insecurity... the better we can deal with it. Part of dealing with insecurity has to do with taking the mystery away from it. What causes insecurity? Why am I plagued with insecurity in this one area? Why does this person seem to make me feel more insecure than other people? The more we realize that there is a cause-effect... the more we can look at what is causing our insecurity... what are our triggers... and we can start to figure out why we respond as we do. And we can give that over to God.

Our So Long, Insecurity book discussion small group meets tomorrow. I'd like to think of our small group as building a bridge together... and getting over our insecurity!

Here are my thoughts on this week's discussion questions from last year:

originally posted on March 2, 2010

Consider how the lilies grow...

photography by Anthony Kaetzel

Perhaps... just perhaps... there are some who think that I do not struggle with insecurity. When I spoke at our ladies Bible Study two weeks ago, I thought my comfort zone had grown to the size of Texas. But now... just perhaps... over the weekend... at our ladies retreat... it grew to the size of the United States. Mind you, I still struggle with insecurity. But I have found the benefits of being open, vulnerable and even a little "dangerous" to be much greater than the security I had found in my insecurity. Did you get that? I had found security in my insecurity.

I am currently reading So Long, Insecurity by Beth Moore and I am participating in the So Long, Insecurity Discussion Group on the Living Proof Ministries blog. I decided to open my blog up to anyone who wanted to post their answers to the discussion group so that we can encourage one another in a somewhat smaller group. These are my answers to the questions posed for Week Three based on Chapters 5 and 6.

Italics below indicate that the passage is found in the book So Long, Insecurity.

1. After reading these two chapters, what do you believe to be the TWO primary roots of your struggle with insecurity? Keep in mind that more may apply but try to lock in on two that you believe to be most impactful.

Basically... what happened in your past that might have contributed to your sense of insecurity?

The choices were: Instability in the Home, A Significant Loss, Rejection, Dramatic Change, Personal Limitations, Personal Disposition, Our Culture, Pride.

The two primary roots of my struggle with insecurity would be:

A. Instability in the Home ~ "The disintegration of a family can jerk the rug of security out from under a couple of generations... No one wants to reflect on times we were abused or misused, but as we take this journey together, look at it this way: those of us who share this background can rest assured that we didn't conjure up our insecurities out of thin air..."

Even when you are old, I will be the same. 

Even when your hair has turned gray, 

I will take care of you. 

I made you and will take care of you. 

I will carry you and save you.  

Isiah 46:4 NCV

"If you've lived your life looking for someone to take care of you but always end up taking care of everyone else, your search is over. God has what you need, and you'll never wear Him out."

B. A Significant Loss: "It could be the loss of anything that you genuinely prize or derive stability and self-worth from... because of their impact on developing belief systems."
For me, it was the loss of innocence. ~ "Simply put, if you didn't get to be a child when you were young, you suffered a loss of innocence."

 Each heart knows its own bitterness... 

Proverbs 14:10a 

2. What, if any, insight did you gain about the roots of insecurity and did you sense that God was trying to speak to you in any specific way through it? (This answer does not need to be limited to the two roots you identified in the previous response.)

A. Even though someone may appear to me to be very secure in all areas of their life, they still struggle with insecurity in areas that may not be apparent to me.
B. Even though someone struggles with insecurity, it can look very different than my insecurity.
C. How I respond to my insecurity affects my relationship with others... and how they respond to their insecurity affects their relationship with me.
D. My personal disposition predisposes me to insecurity. "In other words, the more tenderhearted we are, the more vulnerable to insecurity we'll likely be."

But she has decided to wipe the tears away. Reapply her mascara. Get in the car. And drive.

2011-07-30T09:24:00.000-07:00

Not everyone is affected by insecurity in the same way. What affects one person... may not affect another. For me? I can wear my Minnie Mouse ears to my church's elementary track and field event. ( I figured it would make people smile AND I am getting my money's worth each time I am wearing them!) But a trip to the mall can totally unveil my insecurity.

I wrote the following post last year when I was reading through So Long, Insecurity for the first time. I was headed to an event that evening that had in the past been a cause of insecurity for me... and I was thinking there might be someone else who could relate...

Originally posted on February 26, 2010

photography by Anthony Kaetzel

She is going tonight.
It is a fight for her.
She would much rather stay home.

But she knows this is good for her.
And perhaps...
Just maybe...
She'll meet someone.

Someone who will make her feel
Included.
Visible.
Befriended.
Not alone.

But as she packs her suitcase...
Tears flood her eyes.
Because she is not sure.
Because she is insecure.

Why would she think
It would be different this time?
That it is worth the risk?

She fears that she will sit alone.
And others will notice, but not reach out.
They will all be content to stay
In their warm cozy cliques.

And she will tell herself...
"See, I told you so.
Enough!
I am not trying anymore."

But she has decided to wipe the tears away.
Reapply her mascara.
Get in the car.
And drive.

She prays silently as she drives.
Asking God for something...
Wondering if it is wrong of her for wanting...
A friend.

And I have been praying for her.
Because I have been her.
And I will be there...
Waiting for her.

And I want her to know
There are others praying for her.
And they will be there...
Waiting for her.

She is going to a women's retreat tonight.
It is a fight for her.
But she will be glad
That she did not stay home.

This Jar is Cracked

2011-07-27T12:33:00.000-07:00

photography by Anthony Kaetzel

Yesterday our small group met. The workbook that has just been published to be used alongside the book "So Long, Insecurity" is meant to be used over 10 weeks. We only have 8 weeks before our next study begins. So I decided to use my logic and count pages and chapters and felt that this past week would be the best time to combine two of the weeks. Bad idea. With still getting to know one another and the material, we didn't get to cover the additional work. I guess I am always learning, right? I will go ahead and cover some of the material we didn't get to and then hit "Week Four" of the workbook and Chapters 5 and 6 of the book this coming Tuesday.

The other snag I have hit has to do with the Leader's guide. Unfortunately, the Leader's guide page numbers do not match with the Participant's workbook. Not a big deal but it definitely affects the flow of getting a point across when everyone is stumbling to find out where I am at... especially if it is a good point!

We had 12 ladies gather this past week. Two were unable to join us. This is the largest group I have had at one of the summer Bible Studies. I think it partly has to do with meeting at the church this summer. It is a central location to us all. We miss the comfy cozy of my home, but that is made up for by the delicious food that is brought each week. So much food has been brought that it was decided we will have a sign-up for who brings food when. Awesome problem to have, right?

Talking about food. One of the precious ladies shared with us one of her insecurities. And we could all relate! She said that she had spent the time making cinnamon rolls the night before and even baked them in the morning so they would be warm for us. But in her insecurity she told herself that they might not be good enough. That we might think they weren't tasty. That we might think adversely of her... and judge her! Wow! I have so been there and done that. Maybe we all don't have an insecurity about our cooking but we have an insecurity about something. And, of course, we all affirmed her and said that we would looooove to taste her cinnamon rolls! Seriously!

Okay, so all of that to get to this... on page 16 of the workbook, Beth Moore asks us to Read 2 Corinthians 4:7. And answer the questions: "What words does this verse use to describe Christ living within us? How should this transform the way we view ourselves?" I had mentioned that I had written a post about this very verse... and how God used it to transform how I view myself. I've posted this a couple times, but it rings so true in my heart. This Jar Is Cracked.

originally posted July 29, 2009

This Jar is Cracked

photography by Anthony Kaetzel

We now have this light
shining in our hearts,

but we ourselves are like
fragile clay jars  
containing this great treasure.

This makes it clear that
our great power is from God,
not from ourselves.
2 Corinthians 4:7 NLT

As I ponder my current memory verse... I marvel at the thought that God's light shines within me.  And also through me... considering all the chips and cracks in this particular jar of clay.  How easy it is to see God's great power when the gaps and crevices allow the light to shine through...

And so I was caught off guard when I came across this verse in Jeremiah. 


"This is what the Lord Almighty,
the God of Israel, says:
Take these documents,
both the sealed and unsealed
copies of the deed of purchase,
and put them in a 
clay jar 
so they will last a long time."
 Jeremiah 32:14 NIV

The beauty of the Old Testament.  The beauty of scripture interpreting scripture.

I had only ever considered Paul's inference towards the fragility of a clay jar.  Not the durability of a clay jar.



Anthony took this picture when we were in Israel last year. These jars are similar in nature to the jars that housed the Dead Sea Scrolls when they were found in 1947. Jars of clay that protected ancient manuscripts for almost 2,000 years.

Although fragile in nature.  They were used for preservation.  Preservation of the word of God.  Worthy of holding a treasure.

And that is me.  And that is you.

"And what a awesome thought—
God has always put his eternal treasure
in fragile jars of clay,
and though the jars eventually break,
the treasure doesn’t,
but somehow makes the jars themselves eternal."
- Pastor Ray Noah

"I don't just doubt myself, I also doubt God about myself."

2011-07-25T13:12:00.000-07:00

"I realized that maybe I don't just doubt myself.

Maybe I subconsciously doubt God for using me.

Let me be frank: if I were God, I wouldn't have given me a second look.

I constantly feel unqualified, inadequate, and out of my league...

I not only lack security, I also lack faith.

I don't just doubt myself, I also doubt God about myself."

~ Beth Moore; So Long, Insecurity; page 18

Tomorrow is the second meeting of the So Long, Insecurity Small Group Book Discussion. It's not too late to join us. And if you aren't able to join us in person, I encourage you to get the book and join along via my blog. Just because you can't be with us... doesn't mean you have to wait. Insecurity can be debilitating. For you and those you love and those you come in contact with... so NO excuses. It's time for us to fight the good fight... to stop feeling like we are a victim of our own roller coaster of emotions... and to start training those who are our legacy whether by blood or by spiritual bond.

Originally posted on February 21, 2010
So Long, Insecurity - Week 2

Rays of Hope

photography by Anthony Kaetzel

I've struggled to write this post. I'm not sure why. Perhaps it is because there is so much meat-y material... and I really wish I could buy each of you and everyone I know a copy of So Long, Insecurity. And for those of you who are not reading the book, I have found it difficult to make my answers feel sufficient to give you an idea of what Beth is asking about this week. And I normally don't write posts until I feel inspired to do so... but I didn't want to wait much longer because I don't want to miss reading your answers to Week 2 before Week 3 is already here.

Your answers to So Long, Insecurity - Week 1 have touched my heart and opened my eyes. How we can be so secure in some areas of our lives... and so insecure in other areas has been an epiphany for me. I am trying to take advantage of what security I do have... and use it in other areas of my life.

You are welcome to leave your answers to So Long, Insecurity - Week 2 in the comments section of this post. It will be exciting to track our growth alongside each other. And we can pray for one another. As always... because we are dealing with insecurity... feel free to leave an anonymous comment.

So Long, Insecurity - Week 2

1. Based on Chapter Three, what tends to be your own "Prominent False Positive"?

Beth defines a "prominent false positive" as "the one thing that would make you more secure in all things."

I would consider my "prominent false positive" to be my "chronic need for affirmation." Which includes wanting everyone to like me... and to be pleased with me... and to tell me about it. And even after that... to remind me, again.

"No one solitary thing on this entire planet has the power to secure everything else." ~ Beth Moore

2. What is the challenge stated at the very end of Chapter Three? (I want us to see this restated in our comments hundreds of times so it breaks into our belief systems. It is critical to our journey. SO, I don't care how many times you've seen it written on this post, write it again for yourself. That's your mama talking.)

"That, beloved, is our challenge. To let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our every emotion, reaction and relationship. When we allow God's truth to eclipse every false positive and let our eyes spring open to the treasure we have, there in His glorious reflection we'll also see the treasure we are. And the beauty of the Lord our God will be upon us (Psalm 90:17 NKJV)." ~ Beth Moore

And let the beauty of the LORD our God be upon us,
And establish the work of our hands for us;  
Yes, establish the work of our hands. 

Psalm 90:17 NKJV

3. Based on Chapter Four, what Biblical figure (or statement about him/her) resonated with you most and why?

Some of the Biblical figures that were discussed in the book were: Abraham, Sarah and Hagar, Leah and Rachel, Saul, the woman at the well, Paul and Moses. My answer to this question is in the post Blogging is so Passé... Again!

"...even when fears are founded and threats are real and we are about to be swept away in a tidal wave of well-earned insecurity, there is a divine power, wisdom, and clarity of thought to be found.

...surely, we can breathe a sigh of relief that we are not alone in our struggles. Human flesh and blood have no weakness so strong that God's strength is made weak. He's got what we need. It's up to us whether or not we're going to let the worst of us get the best of us." ~ Beth Moore

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, 

for my power is made perfect in weakness."

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly 

about my weaknesses, 

so that Christ's power may rest on me. 

That is why, for Christ's sake, 

I delight in weaknesses, 

in insults, in hardships, 

in persecutions, in difficulties. 

For when I am weak, then I am strong. 

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Numbing The Pain

2011-07-22T22:05:00.000-07:00

Another married couple is calling it quits. My heart is broken. They are in my prayers...

Originally posted April 27, 2010

It started the day after Anthony left for Ethiopia. Back pain. Searing back pain. The culprit? My sciatic nerve. The remedy? Ibuprofen and ice. Back pain gone.

Next day. Back pain. Apply ibuprofen and ice. Back pain continues. Apply ibuprofen and ice, again. Back pain not gone.

The diagnosis? I had been treating the symptom instead of the problem. Turns out I had a couple of tight muscles that were pinching the sciatic nerve. A couple visits to the chiropractor and some daily stretching and the pain is gone.

That's the way it is sometimes. We feel pain. Try to numb the pain. Pain goes away... but the next time the pain numbing doesn't work... and we wonder why. Especially because it worked the first time we tried it. And that's okay. Sometimes we need to treat the symptom... relieve the pain... until we can get to the root of the problem.

But sometimes we get stuck... numbing the pain... numbing the pain... and we wonder why it doesn't get better. We are in a difficult marriage... so we try harder... and it helps for a while. We have difficulty forgiving others... so we try harder... and we read a book... and it helps for a while. We are fighting insecurity... and we try harder... and we read a book... and talk to our friends... and it helps for a while.

But the pain is not going away. And we think perhaps... we need to give up... on the marriage... or on forgiving others... or becoming secure. Because nothing seems to be working to fix it. To ease the pain.

And my question to you today is... are you treating the symptom? Have you been treating the symptom? Have you been so diligent trying to fix your marriage or forgive others or become secure that you have missed what is truly causing the pain?

I have often prayed for marriages that are on the brink of divorce. But I no longer do. I don't pray for the marriage. I don't pray for God to heal the marriage. I don't. I pray for the individuals in the marriage. And I don't pray that they would just want to be married, again. And I don't pray that they would stay together. I don't. I pray that each individual in the marriage would be drawn into a closer relationship with the Lord... and if they don't even know the Lord Jesus... well, that they would. I pray for a deeper, stronger walk with the Lord. I pray they would come to know the Lord at such a level... that they would have no other option or desire but to love their spouse as God loves their spouse.

I no longer pray that someone would just become more secure... or find a spouse... or feel affirmation... or have their child do better at school. I just don't. I don't want you to just find relief from your symptoms. I want you to get to the root of the problem, so those symptoms will not keep reappearing. I am praying for the deeper work.

What I will pray... is for God to show His faithfulness to you... and that He brings complete healing... and that He protects you as you go through the process. Look, that pain is there for a reason. We can keep trying to numb it... but the whole point of the pain is to point out that something is wrong.

And I thank God that He grants us the ability to try harder... and to read books... and to talk to friends... to ease the immediate pain, but I think He allows that for a time... until the pain shows up, again. He wants us to deal with the problem... not settle for lessening the symptoms.

So, my question to you today is... are you ready to get to the root of the problem? Because I want you to know... I am praying for you.

Blogging is so Passé...

2011-07-21T20:04:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading Chapters 3 & 4 of So Long, Insecurity. Chapter 4 discusses insecurities of Biblical characters. And we find Moses... begging the Lord to send someone else... It reminded me of a post I wrote on December 13th of 2009... and I felt the need to revisit it.

Winter Water Falls.
Photography by Anthony Kaetzel

But Moses said, “O Lord,
please send someone else to do it.”
Exodus 4:13 NIV

"Blogging is passé."

I was startled by the statement. Is it really? Because I just thought I was getting the hang of this whole blogging thing. And what will I do if I don't blog? Hmmm.... actually... it might be a relief. But for now... I blog.

I have often asked, "O, Lord, please send someone else to do it." Send someone else to write this or that post. Sometimes I feel inadequate. Okay, lots of times. Or frustrated. Some posts I struggle to write... some come easily. Some reveal my faults... and some posts seem a bit braggadocios.

Blogging has been somewhat dangerous to me. A bit tempting. I found myself in words Alicia Britt Chole wrote in Anonymous...

"...I craved affirmation and longed to be spoken of in superlatives...

Through his Word and his people, he revealed how vulnerable it made me to the power of others praise, my own prideful perfectionism, and a whole host of other unpleasant spiritual ailments...

Man's praise is like cotton candy --sugar-laden and insubstantial... For my spiritual health, I had to make a change...

Once we have known an addiction to man's praise, shifting our diet from finding value in man's acceptance to finding value in God's acceptance does not happen in a matter of days. It is a process we revisit though out our lifetimes. Thank God for hidden years! In those underestimated seasons, when no one shows up to decorate us with praise, life is finally bare enough for us to notice that God's adoring eyes have always been upon us. We had his attention all along. We just could not see it because we were too distracted by the sight of ourselves."

And so, I have found that blogging has been good for my soul. Good for my relationship with the Lord. Good for my desire to know God in a more intimate way. Choosing to be obedient to Him... whether I want to or not... knowing that others may be reading... or not. But coming to a place where I am finding my significance in Him.

He humbled you, causing you to hunger and
then feeding you with manna,
which neither you nor your fathers had known,
to teach you that man does not live on bread alone
but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD.
Deuteronomy 8:3 NIV

Now, don't get me wrong... I love me some cotton candy...

If Only...

2011-07-20T14:25:00.000-07:00

"Most of us have what I'll call a prominent false positive: one thing that we think would make us more secure in all things. Yo ant to know how you can pinpoint your own prominent false positive? The thing you tend to associate more with security? Thank of a person you believe to be secure and determine what earthly thing he or she has that you don't feel like you possess, at least in matching measure. That's liable to be your prominent false positive: the one thing that would make you more secure in all things... Few of us would reason that the weight we're giving to the object or circumstance makes sense intellectually. It's an emotional thing. Often we're not even aware of it, but we demonstrate it by the inordinate power we assign to it." ~ Beth Moore, So Long, Insecurity, pages 36-37

Originally posted on February 22, 2010
My thoughts were inspired by So Long, Insecurity, Chapter 3
If Only...

However, I consider my life worth nothing to me,

if only I may finish the race and

complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—

the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace.

Acts 20:24

A "prominent false positive" is "the one thing that would make you more secure in all things."

Just wondering if any of these might be your "one thing"...

If only I was married...
If only I had children...
If only I could have had more children...
If only I had married someone else...
If only I hadn't gotten pregnant...
If only I lived closer to my family...
If only I could lose the extra weight...
If only my husband wasn't an alcoholic...
If only I wasn't an alcoholic...
If only I could be a stay-at-home mom...
If only I didn't have to deal with depression...
If only my husband was faithful...
If only I could be faithful...
If only I had a best friend...
If only I had more friends...
If only I wasn't lonely...
If only I could make friends at church...
If only the church leadership would see my potential...
If only I would be promoted...
If only I was given a raise...
If only I looked younger...
If only I was younger...
If only I was in shape...
If only I didn't have chronic pain...
If only I could get over him...
If only I had financial security...
If only I was beautiful...
If only I hadn't been sexually abused...
If only I hadn't been neglected as a child...
If only I had a college degree...
If only I knew what God wanted me to do...
If only I was more spiritual...
If only I could meet my own expectations...
If only my children would come back to the Lord...
If only my husband would come back to the Lord...
If only my family didn't embarrass me...
If only the church would help me...
If only I were more like other people...
If only I was emotionally stable at all times of the month...
If only my sister wouldn't judge me...
If only the Bible were easier to read...
If only I lived in a better neighborhood...
If only my home looked like hers...
If only I looked like her...
If only I didn't feel so guilty...
If only I could forget my past...
If only I could please my mother...
If only I didn't care so much...
If only I didn't love so much...
If only I wasn't so sensitive...

If only I wasn't so insecure...

And Abraham said to God,

"If only Ishmael might live under your blessing!"

Genesis 17:18

Once again he spoke to him, "What  

if only forty are found there?" 

He said, "For the sake of forty, 

I will not do it."  Genesis 18:29

The Israelites said to them, 

"If only we had died by the LORD's hand in Egypt! 

There we sat around pots of meat and 

ate all the food we wanted, 

but you have brought us out into this desert 

to starve this entire assembly to death." 

Exodus 16:13

"Tell the people: 

'Consecrate yourselves in preparation for tomorrow, 

when you will eat meat. 

The LORD heard you when you wailed, 

"If only we had meat to eat! 

We were better off in Egypt!" 

Now the LORD will give you meat, 

and you will eat it. Numbers 11:18

And Joshua said, "Ah, Sovereign LORD, 

why did you ever bring this people 

across the Jordan to deliver us 

into the hands of the Amorites to destroy us?  

If only we had been content to stay 

on the other side of the Jordan!  Joshua 7:7

He said, "They were my brothers, 

the sons of my mother. As the LORD lives,  

if only you had let them live, 

I would not kill you." Judges 8:19

"If only this people were under my command! 

Then I would get rid of him. 

I would say to Abimelech, 

'Call out your whole army!'" Judges 9:29

And Absalom would add, 

"If only I were appointed judge in the land! 

Then everyone who has a complaint or case 

could come to me and 

I would see that he gets justice." 

2 Samuel 15:4

The king was shaken. He went up to the room 

over the gateway and wept. 

As he went, he said: "O my son Absalom! 

My son, my son Absalom!

If only I had died instead of you—

O Absalom, my son, my son!" 2 Samuel 18:33

If only I had never come into being, 

or had been carried straight 

from the womb to the grave! Job 10:19

If only God would speak; 

if only

Their insults have broken my heart,and I am in despair. 

If only one person would show some pity; 

if only one would turn and comfort me. Psalm 69:20 NLT

If only you would slay the wicked, 

O God!  Away from me, you bloodthirsty men! 

Psalm 139:13

Martha said to Jesus, “Lord,  

if only you had been here, 

my brother would not have died. John 11:21

I Am So Totally Insecure... Believe It Or Not

2011-07-18T13:41:00.000-07:00

I have to admit that I am a little nervous... or is it anxious... or is it nervous anxiety? Tomorrow is the first meeting of our "So Long, Insecurity" book discussion small group at Portland Christian Center... which I am facilitating.

It doesn't seem that long ago that I was anticipating the arrival of Beth Moore's book on insecurity. And when it came out, the LPM blog gave an opportunity to go through the book week by week along with thousands of other women and have a "discussion" via our comments. Doing the study now with the Group Experience workbook has prompted me to look back on my previous answers.

Am I totally secure? No. I still struggle. Just the other day I was in a situation where I felt women were totally judging me. And I became angry and started judging them back! Until I saw the cycle I had entered... and asked God to help me see who I was in the situation. And who they were... precious daughters of God... who had not said a word or even looked at me... but I unfairly assumed through my own insecurity that they were judging me. Sisters!!! I know I am not the only one who struggles.

But I have to admit that I am secure enough to lead the study. To offer the group and wonder if anyone will come alongside me... but knowing that there are sisters out there who need this... and we need each other... so I am going to "build a bridge and get over it"!!!

There's still time to join us... and if you are feeling a little insecure about coming to a group where you don't know anyone... then this is the group for you !

If you aren't able to join us, feel free to follow along. This week we will be discussing Chapter One of the book ~ Mad Enough To Change, pages 1-14; and Session One of the group experience ~ Insecurity: A Bad Friend, pages 1-10.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Originally posted, Saturday, February 13, 2010
Okay, Sheri... You Are A Big Girl... Act Like It!

White Sands National Monument, New Mexico

photography by Anthony Kaetzel

Wednesday Night. I had just dropped Christopher off for kids' choir rehearsal at church. I needed to eat dinner, but Anthony had to work late. Do I dare walk into the church by myself and eat dinner on my own? It would be too overwhelming to walk into that room and figure out where to sit... or who to sit with. What if I ended up sitting by myself? Wouldn't other people notice and think "poor Sheri"... all alone... eating dinner by herself. As if all eyes would be on me. It would just be easier to run over to Pizzicato's... grab a slice of pizza and a magazine... and eat dinner without anyone knowing me.

The struggle. I couldn't believe it. Wow! Am I really this insecure? Yes, I am. But hadn't I just spoken to women on Tuesday about stretching their comfort zone. Didn't I just wear a pink feather boa as I taught about Abraham? Weren't these the same women who would be at church eating dinner? Okay, Sheri... suck it up... you are going to eat dinner by yourself at church. You can do this! You are a big girl... act like it!

I walked into the room. Surveyed the other diners. Yes, I did know some of them... was there room at their table? Or were they done eating and just about to get up and leave, as I would be sitting down? Aha! Steve and Jeannette are in line with me getting dinner. I know them. I'll just follow them to their table... and voila!

I am half laughing and half cringing as I write this... who wants to admit their insecurity? I feel childish and weak and alone in it all. And God knows that... and on Thursday what book did I start to read? So Long, Insecurity! Perfect timing!

So Long Insecurity Week One!
Here are my answers to the questions Beth posed in her first post.

1. Write a journal-type entry on the inside cover of your book describing this present season of your life and why you’ve chosen to read a book like this.
Okay... see above! Plus... I love sharing whatever I learn with the precious sisters around me... and you, too!

2. When was the last time you came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity? Describe the setting.
Just this morning! Anthony's mood dictates mine... if he seems upset about anything... I think it is my fault... what did I do wrong? I feel I need him to tell me exactly how I contributed to whatever is going on inside him.

3. What part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with you and why?
Page 17. "A deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate." In my family of origin, two common statements were "Just get over it" and "Quit crying or I'll give you something to cry about." Wasn't really encouraged to face my feelings... so I think that still follows me today.

I have decided to open up this post to your answers to the So Long Insecurity Week One! post. I encourage you to post your answers to Beth's questions on her blog, but I thought it might be interesting if we had a little small group here, too. That way we could work alongside one another... encourage one another... and have a little discussion, too.

Feel free to post your comment Anonymously.
Feel free to leave a comment even if you are not reading the book.
I'll refer back to this post next Thursday when Beth posts our new questions.

All I can say is... I already know this book is going to be added to my "altar" shelf. I am ready to "press through the discomfort of staring at my weaknesses than live in denial and bondage." Page 16.

For we are God's workmanship, 

created in Christ Jesus to do good works, 

which God prepared in advance for us to do.  

Ephesians 2:10

What If God Didn't Let Anyone Go To Hell?

2011-07-14T10:16:00.000-07:00

The first poppy I ever planted... what a beauty!

I was at the ALPHA course at our church last night. We are encouraged to bring the "tough" questions of Christianity. The questions that those who do not yet know or believe in Jesus Christ as their Savior might ask. And truth be told... the questions that even mature Christians wonder to themselves but are afraid to ask for fear that they might be judged as not having enough Bible knowledge... or faith.

My question? Why the cross? Why did Jesus die on a cross? Why the resurrection? Wasn't there another way? And even as I thought more about it... I wondered to myself... Well, what would I have chosen to save sinners from hell? And you know that I didn't have a good answer... at all.

And then someone else humbly asked the question, "If God is such a loving God who went to such great detail to send His Son to Earth and that Son died (and ultimately raised from the dead) to save people from their sins... If that God is so loving, how could He let anyone go to hell?

I have been wrestling with this question all night. Why wouldn't God want everyone to be in heaven with Him?

This morning as I lay awake in bed, I thought, What if God didn't let anyone go to hell? What would that look like? Ultimately? If we knew we weren't at risk of hell, would we long for a relationship with Him? We would do what we wanted. We wouldn't need God. We would not yearn for a relationship with Him. Would we?

And then I started wondering... Why would God let us sin at all? But then I guess we wouldn't have a free will or a choice. And I guess we wouldn't be very interesting would we? We would all be perfect essentially. If we didn't have free will and we were perfect. And I guess in the end... we wouldn't need God at all either... would we?

Whew! Sometimes we are afraid to even think about these "tough" questions. Afraid to think that we might look stupid. Afraid to think that we might not like the answer to the "tough" question. Afraid to think that if we ask these types of questions that we don't have "enough" faith. But we need to know that we can talk about these questions... and encourage one another... and dig deeper into the Word of God. And it is good to have a place to discuss these questions like the ALPHA course.

Do you have a "tough" question? Would you share it with me? You can leave your comment via my blog as an anonymous comment.

Then, turning to his disciples, Jesus said,  

“That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life

—whether you have enough food to eat or enough clothes to wear.  

For life is more than food, and your body more than clothing.  

Look  at the ravens. They don’t plant or harvest 

or store food in barns, for  God feeds them. 

And you are far more valuable to him than any birds! 

Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?  

And if worry can’t accomplish a little thing like that, 

what’s the use of worrying over bigger things?

“Look  at the lilies and how they grow. 

They don’t work or make their  clothing, 

yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed 

as beautifully as  they are.  

And  if God cares so wonderfully for flowers 

that are here today and thrown  into the fire tomorrow, 

he will certainly care for you. 

Why do you have  so little faith?

“And don’t be concerned about what to eat and what to drink.

Don’t worry about such things.

These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers

all over the world, but your Father already knows your needs.

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else,

and he will give you everything you need.

Luke 12:22-31 NLT

Love & Respect; So Long, Insecurity; and Eggshells

2011-07-12T20:13:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have times in your life when your worlds collide? We were watching the Love & Respect Conference DVD during our Sunday School class. The speaker and author, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, is discussing how women tend to need more emotional reassurance than men. Women tend to personalize things while men tend to compartmentalize things. He mentioned that women tend to walk on eggshells, but you almost never hear a man talk about walking on eggshells.

And it reminded me of a blog post I had written. I just remember that it had to do with walking on eggshells... and something about walking on eggshells around Anthony. And then I look up the post and I see that it is tied to my previous So Long, Insecurity discussion group... and I think... how strange is that? The speaker mentions women walking on eggshells... the post has to do with my relationship with my husband... AND So Long, Insecurity which I am starting a discussion group on THIS coming Tuesday. So I think that I might re-post it, but maybe I will wait until we are on week 6 of the discussion group... but then I just re-read the post and see that I actually end up talking about Love & Respect and The Crazy Cycle!!!

WHEW!

Well, sometimes when life converges like this... you just gotta go ahead and re-post it... and hope that the person who needs to read it... will read it... and even more so... understand what I am talking about!!!

Anyway... if you are in the Portland area, I am starting a So Long, Insecurity small group book discussion next Tuesday. If you're interested, contact me.

Previously Posted on Wednesday, March 24, 2010
So Long, Insecurity - Week 6
Eggshells and ESP

photography by Anthony Kaetzel

Eggshells.

I would think by this time...

I would not resort to walking on eggshells...

but I do.

Sometimes it just seems safer

to walk on eggshells

than to find out what the real problem is.

Did I say "safer"?

Perhaps I meant "easier"?

And that is ONLY for the short term.

Because in the long term...

the longer I walk on eggshells...

the more eggshells I have to clean up.

And really they are quite a mess.

Sticky. Smelly.

And especially disgusting when wearing sandals.
~written by sister sheri

If you and I are going to develop into real, live secure women,

it is absolutely imperative that we realign our mentalities toward men.

We've got to get it through our thick skulls that

men are neither gods nor devils...

Maybe... you vacillate between the two, but this is the news flash:

either extreme -- adoration or abhorrence --

always betrays the depth of our own insecurity. ~ Beth Moore, SLI

These are my answers to the questions posed for Week Six based on Chapters 10 & 11.

Italics indicate either the question that Beth Moore posed on her blog or that the passage is found in the book So Long, Insecurity.

1. Based on Chapter 10, in all truthfulness, has your historical tendency been to view men (generally speaking) as gods? Or devils?

Growing up I generally viewed men as "devils"... not trusting them. I was abused by my father. He divorced my mom... and I grew up in a household of women. I always tried to have the upper hand in my dating relationships... if I lost that control... well, it was time to move on... that is... until I met him. I've always viewed my relationship with Anthony to be a gift from God. Not that it is all smooth sailing, but God definitely chose Anthony for me... because I did not have enough good sense at that time to do it on my own.

I am aware of how I tie my security to Anthony. If he is not happy... had a bad day... I can resort to walking on eggshells. Wondering if I can fix the problem... or am I the problem?

2. Based on Chapter 10 and your own day-to-day observances, what differences do you see between men’s insecurities and women’s?

Chapter 10 reminded me of the book Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. How husbands and wives get on "The Crazy Cycle"

... she reacts without respect he reacts without love she reacts without respect...

and so on. How men crave respect (ie fear of failure) and women crave love (ie fear of rejection). I highly recommend this book.

3. On p.208 in Chapter 11, I suggest that women who struggle with insecurity tend to be particularly taken with 2 divine attributes: omnipotence and omniscience. Did either of these resonate with you? If so, how?

Extrasensory perception - Honestly. Christopher asks me quite often which super hero power I would choose if I could choose any one I wanted. ESP. That way I would know if I am upsetting someone or if I have hurt someone or what exactly they want from me. Omniscience.. hadn't thought of it that way... and I much rather like that terminology, but I'll save that for God. I've got enough to deal with in my own head.

The healing of the mind requires far more intimacy

with Christ than the healing of mere bodies...

Instead He chooses to transform our willing minds

one reflection at a time... ~ Beth Moore, SLI

[You] may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ,

in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. Colossians 2:2-3

Patronizing Nonsense

2011-07-08T20:54:00.000-07:00

The 4x6

Anthony had taken this photo of a stained glass window at the church of the school that Christopher attends. We needed to print out an 8x10 copy to give to a friend. I decided to print out a 4x6 for myself. I was surprised when I compared the two photos. With a slightly different crop of the photo... you wouldn't see Jesus' hands. You wouldn't see the nail prints.

We were attending a class at our church on Wednesday night. Called The ALPHA Course. And the teacher shared the following quote by C.S. Lewis:

“I am trying here to prevent anyone saying the really foolish thing
that people often say about Him:

'I'm ready to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher,
but I don't accept His claim to be God.'

That is the one thing we must not say.

A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said
would not be a great moral teacher.

He would either be a lunatic--
on a level with the man who says he is a poached egg--
or else he would be the Devil of Hell.

You must make your choice.

Either this man was, and is, the Son of God:
or else a madman
or something worse.

You can shut Him up for a fool,
you can spit at Him and kill Him as a demon;
or you can fall at His feet and call Him Lord and God.

But let us not come with any patronizing nonsense about His being a great moral teacher.
He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to.”

The 8x10

And it made me wonder... how many people see Jesus without the nail prints? And if you see Him without the nail prints that you might think of Him only as a great moral teacher. But He is more than that. More than just a teacher. He is our Savior.

For God saved us and called us to live a holy life.

He did this, not because we deserved it,

but because that was his plan from before the beginning of time

—to show us his grace through Christ Jesus.

And now he has made all of this plain to us

by the appearing of Christ Jesus, our Savior.

He broke the power of death

and illuminated the way to life

and immortality through the Good News.

2 Timothy 1:9-10 NLT

How do you see Jesus?

Reminded of a Simple Truth...

2011-07-01T12:48:00.000-07:00

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet,

and a light unto my path.

Psalms 119:105 KJV

I was sitting on my in-laws front porch in Boonsboro, Maryland working on my Ruth Bible Study. I was mentally and physically exhausted. And the words on the pages of the study reminded me to seek God for my supply.

"This can be hard to practice because receiving our supply from God isn't always as tangible... but many times it's a supply of patience, forgiveness, love, wisdom, or comfort that we desperately need from Him so we can pour it out on someone else... This kind of spiritual supply comes from being in Jesus' presence. Meditating on the pages of Scripture. Committing to focused prayer. Waiting quietly on Him so our spirits can learn His voice."
~ Kelly Minter, A Proposal: Session 4, Day 5 of the Ruth Bible Study

The day was beautiful. Sun. Light humidity. Peaceful. Before me are fields. And fields.

When I closed up the study and lifted my eyes, I was compelled to take a little walk...
and then to journal about it.

Tuesday, June 28th, 2011.
A place where I had not walked before. A grassy Maryland field. The Lord compelled me to take a walk. I wanted to grab my sandals out of the house, but it would break the spell. So I went one step at a time. Looking down since I had not walked there before.

What would I step on... with my bare feet? Bees or weeds with prickly things. If I wanted to gaze out to the horizon I had to STOP lest I stepped on something unaware. So step by step.

Then gnats came. Distracting me. As my head was down watching my feet I was not bothered. But if I lifted my gaze off of my path they would gain all of my attention.

A place where I had not walked before. Compelled by my Lord to go where I did not want to go (without my sandals) and be reminded of a simple truth...

that He shows my path one step at a time.

The Lord directs our steps, 

so why try to understand everything along the way?

Proverbs 20:24 NLT

The Year of The Wedding

2011-06-30T19:56:00.000-07:00

White Wedding Rose Petals
photography by Anthony Kaetzel

We arrived home yesterday from my sister's wedding. What a day of joy! Just a month ago we were in Santa Barbara at the wedding of our dear friends, Dalen & Melissa. And today we received an invitation to the wedding of the daughter of another of our beloved friends. All of these couples love each other... and even more so love the Lord. Their union is a celebration of what the Lord has done in their lives.

I will remember 2011 as the year of the wedding.

I have to admit that going to weddings is a lot of fun. I like them a lot! But after the wedding... comes the marriage. And then for some... after the marriage comes the divorce. How does a couple get from the wedding altar to the divorce court? How do they get from promising their forever love to hating one another more than they have hated any other person? What happens between a husband and a wife that causes them to hurt one another to the core? When is it that we forget that this person used to be our best friend... the one we cherished... the one deserving of our grace and forgiveness?

Anthony and I are currently going through a series at our church called Love and Respect. It is centered on the verse found in Ephesians 5:33 NIV

“However, each one of you also 

must love his wife as he loves himself, 

and the wife must respect her husband.”

The series (and book/workbook) focuses on the premise that women want to be unconditionally loved by their husband. And men want to be unconditionally respected by their wives. Here's where most wives say, but he hasn't earned my respect! We have a lot to learn about one another.

This is the third... or maybe fourth time I have been through the material. It is life-changing... marriage-changing... relationship-changing. And so I picked my 12th Siesta Scripture Memory Verse to remind me of all the information and application strategies that I am learning during this go around. Why not join me? Remember... 'til death do us part? Might as well have fun in the meantime!

Siesta Scripture Memory Verse # 12 “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” Ephesians 5:33 NIV

Congratulations to Mr. & Mrs.

2011-06-26T17:14:00.000-07:00

Congratulations to Mr. & Mrs.

June 25, 2011

4 Delight yourself in the LORD 
   and he will give you the desires of your heart. 

 5 Commit your way to the LORD; 
   trust in him and he will do this: 

6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, 
   the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. 

 7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him...

Psalm 37:4-7a NIV

My precious sister married an amazing man yesterday. The wedding was beautiful, the bride gorgeous, and celebration overflowing. But more than that... I was honored to have the privilege of being part of their marriage covenant. I was able to give my sister's hand in marriage to a man who adores her... believes in her... is dedicated to her. This is a man that she had been praying for... seeking the Lord for... committing herself to the Lord for...

She delighted herself in the Lord... and He gave her the desires of her heart.

Congratulations, Sissy! I love you!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Post-script: I decided to make this my

Siesta  Scripture Memory Verse # 13 “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart."  Psalm 37:4 NIV

Depression from the Other Side by elizabeth embracing God

2011-06-15T15:33:00.000-07:00

Leaking Window at The Portland Lan Su Chinese Garden

I unintentionally made my darling friend, Elizabeth of elizabeth embracing God, a bit uncomfortable yesterday. She wrote a post about it on her blog. I have re-posted it here because I feel it is valuable for me to remember how difficult depression can be to understand for those looking in from the outside.

I have never actually seen her depressed. She blogs about it. It’s her ministry to many women. Heart heavy with the emotions and distress of how this disease has effected her life. She shares so openly and I have learned from her what I know nothing about. Our paths don’t cross much in day to day life. Now that I think about it, not much at all. We share a few emails and important phone calls. We read each other’s blogs. She is my go to person with my heart, my prayer concerns and I am hers on many levels too. She comes to sit with me when I am sick and brings me coffee. I can sense when her heart might be heavy with an issue about life and marriage or even parenting. Together we can share those burdens of our hearts and pray for each other. Help hold each other up.

Our friendship grows from a distance because our lives are on separate parts of town. We go to different churches and we don’t share a lot of the same friends. Even so we both know we can trust the other with the deepest parts of our hearts and we have. Then there is today, which was a different kind of day. Today I did not know her. I was uncomfortable around her. I felt distant and then I asked her. “Are you okay?”

She had already shared earlier her need for the sun. Her need to feel the sun and how she felt down about the weather. She said she was down and was glad that she could be "this way" around friends who know her. But I did not know her today. I did not know this kind of her. A some what depressed her. She could explain this disease to me beautifully. Sitting at her counter drinking coffee on her good days. She could blog about this disease with eloquent words of her heart. I can read and learn and see first hand in written word how this disease effects this person I love, how it effects her.

Today she looked cute. All during Bible study I wanted to take my pen and flip her cute hair cut. It has that bounce that makes you want flip it. I am growing my hair out and have worn the style she is wearing and was slightly thinking to cut my hair because hers looks so cute. Does depression have flippy cute hair? The color of her shirt was bright and cheery. I noticed it right away because I just bought new p.j.’s with those same colors. The weather has been so gray and dreary I needed something to brighten things up around here. She shared she was feeling down and needed to brighten things up too. We both had the same colors in mind. Does depression look bright and cheery and fashionable? Every time I have come into her home she is chatty. She offers a special coffee and drink and cozies into conversation. Today she just was kind of there and not very cozy or excited to chat about any at all. Is depression masked like this? Is this her on her down days?

As I drove away I started to cry. I cried really hard. I cried because I love her so much. I cried because today she had to be “on” and she did a really good job of it. I cried because I have a gift in knowing her enough to know that I could ask if she was okay and she told me she was not. I cried because for the first time in my life I think I am beginning to understand what depression looks like from the outside looking in. I have known a few people who have suffered from “situational” depression who could shake it off. I think I could raise my hand on that one. I have never understood, like I did today what it truly looks like. Looking into the face of my sweet sister Sheri and crying my eyes out. Not knowing who to be, or what to say. Only to love her and pray and paint that banner of sunshine on a canvas. I was uncomfortable and stupid and actually said that. Like that would help her. “I will just paint you a canvas with a big bold sunshine that you can roll out when the sun is not shining.” I know she knows I mean well. But I did not know what else to say.

Depression is like a mask on a beautiful face. I have only ever seen this face without the mask so I know first hand how beautiful she is. Today I saw that face with the mask on and was confused. I love you Sheri and know that I am learning how to love you in all ways.

Depression. I am thanking God that this is not an obstacle in life I have had to overcome or live with. Yet for some reason today she showed me a clearer picture of what depression looks like.

Thank you Sheri, my dear sweet friend for not getting mad at me for being silly and stupid around your today. Did you notice I was fidgety? I get that way when I am a little nervous. I also talk a little too much. I did both. Perhaps you did not notice, but then we make a great team. Now off to go and start that sunshine canvas for you. Love and Blessings, Elizabeth

Thank you, Elizabeth. Yes, depression can have flippy cute hair.

Because The Almighty Has Made My Life Very Bitter

2011-06-08T09:43:00.000-07:00

Canola Fields near Banks, Oregon

I've been working on Day 1 of Week 2 of the Ruth Bible Study this morning. And I was so moved by the raw honesty of the Bible verses that I read, that I thought to share them with you. Oftentimes, we think when we approach God that we aren't allowed to be honest with Him. That we should pretend like everything is okay... and we don't have any questions of Him... and that we aren't bitter for the lot that has been dealt to us. But we find in the Bible numerous examples of when those who loved God deeply, questioned God's love for them. Felt crushed by Him. Abandoned by Him. And they told Him about it.

Why don't we tell God how we really feel? We will tell those around us. But not God. For some reason, we don't feel like we can talk to God about how we are really feeling. But I have found that when I come to Him with my raw emotions and all, that I have opened my heart to allowing Him to comfort me. To speak to me. To get down to what are the desires of my heart.

So as you read these verses today... think about what you would truly want to say to God. Do you feel like He has forsaken you? Crushed you? Left you to fend for yourself? These are real feelings. Share them with the Father today. And then ask Him to help you work through the questions and feelings you have. He is faithful. (2 Timothy 2:13)

Ruth 1:20-21

20 “Don’t call me Naomi,” she told them. “Call me Mara, because the Almighty has made my life very bitter. 21 I went away full, but the LORD has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi? The LORD has afflicted me; the Almighty has brought misfortune upon me.”

Job 9:16-19

16 Even if I summoned him and he responded,

   I do not believe he would give me a hearing.

17 He would crush me with a storm

   and multiply my wounds for no reason.

18 He would not let me regain my breath

   but would overwhelm me with misery.

19 If it is a matter of strength, he is mighty!

   And if it is a matter of justice, who will summon him?

Job 10:8-9

8 Your hands shaped me and made me.

   Will you now turn and destroy me?

9 Remember that you molded me like clay.

   Will you now turn me to dust again?

Job 19:8-10

8 He has blocked my way so I cannot pass;

   he has shrouded my paths in darkness.

9 He has stripped me of my honor

   and removed the crown from my head.

10 He tears me down on every side till I am gone;

   he uproots my hope like a tree.

Psalm 22:1-2

1 My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?

   Why are you so far from saving me,

   so far from the words of my groaning?

2 O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer,

   by night, and am not silent.

Psalm 88:6-8

6 You have put me in the lowest pit,

   in the darkest depths.

7 Your wrath lies heavily upon me;

   you have overwhelmed me with all your waves.

8 You have taken from me my closest friends

   and have made me repulsive to them.

   I am confined and cannot escape.

1 Samuel 1:10-11

10 In bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the LORD. 11 And she made a vow, saying, “O LORD Almighty, if you will only look upon your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the LORD for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.”

1 Samuel 1:15-16

15 “Not so, my lord,” Hannah replied, “I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the LORD. 16 Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief.”

"I believe many Christian women are not nearly this honest with God or themselves. We feel forsaken by God or deep down we are angry or bitter with Him, but we never let ourselves stop long enough to address our feelings with Him.

Perhaps we're afraid of what we'll experience when we get there. Maybe we're fearful that we won't hear anything from God, that He'll require something of us we don't want to give, or that we'll learn something about ourselves we don't want to know. Perhaps it's too much work. " ~ Kelly Minter, Ruth Bible Study (page 41)

Let me know how I can be praying for you.

Is God Waiting For Us To Win The Lottery?

2011-06-06T11:56:00.000-07:00

Darling Ethiopian Princess with Her Treasured Toy

November 2010

Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury.

Many rich people threw in large amounts. 

But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, 

worth only a fraction of a penny.  

Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, 

“I tell you the truth, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. 

They all gave out of their wealth; 

but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—

all she had to live on.” 

Mark 12:41-44 NIV

Poverty.

I grew up in what I considered poverty. Some nights dinner consisted of cold cereal. No milk. Just cereal. And it was the non-brand kind. Bills would go unpaid. Eviction would be threatened. We would hide from the newspaper delivery boy when he would show up at the door requiring payment.

But in a few days or the next day, it would be pay day. And we would go to the grocery store and eat out for dinner at Gino's and get our hair cut and maybe go to a movie that weekend. And pay our rent. And a couple bills. But not necessarily the newspaper delivery boy.

My sis and I grew up with a single mom. During a time when dads could get away without paying their child support. We didn't have a car. I wore hand me downs. And there were even times we might "borrow" things (like toilet paper rolls) from establishments, but never repay them.

I thought we were poor. And compared to the American dream... we were.

When my mom married my step-father in my junior year of high school. I started receiving allowance. Weekly. $20. (And there was ALWAYS food in the kitchen... and clothes with tags still attached in the closets... and toilet paper. The brand name kind.)

And it was then, that I started tithing. I don't remember ever tithing before that time. $2 every week. Went right into the offering. And when I started working, I would tithe on those paychecks. And when Anthony and I got married and lived on his one paycheck a month... while I finished college (on scholarships and grants and financial aid)... and we would eat boxed Macaroni and Cheese for dinner, we would tithe. We tithed in what we thought was our poverty.

And before we knew it, we were living the American Dream. Paychecks would come twice a month. We could purchase meat to go with the Macaroni and Cheese. And we would tithe. But now our giving was out of our wealth.

Wealth.

We may think we need to be wealthy to be significant givers. We think... when I have money then I will bless those around me. I will be the one doing the blessing. But isn't that kind of the American dream? We think that if we are able to give more that somehow we are more significant. Or beneficial to the kingdom cause. As if God will be more pleased with us, if our gifts are larger than the gifts of others. Than the gifts of those in poverty. But is He?

Here we see Jesus take a seat where he could see (and hear) people dropping their gifts into the temple treasury. And then calls His disciples over to watch... listen... and learn. He didn't even ask them what they thought. He just went on ahead and told them. Wonder why that is? It wasn't even a parable. He just told them flat out... her gift is of more significance. Of more value. Seriously? She put in a fraction of a penny! And they threw in large amounts! Huh?

God is not concerned with the amount that we give. He is concerned with our hearts. Our hearts to give selflessly. Our hearts to give joyfully. Our hearts to give out of obedience and love for Him. He is not waiting for us to get wealthy or win the lottery so that we can give a huge sum of money to starving children or to Ethiopia or to pay off the church debt. He is not waiting.

But He is watching.
Watching His children learn how to trust Him.
In all things.
Whether in perceived poverty... or received wealth.
Will we give what we'll never miss... or will we give our all?

Sitting across from the offering box, 

he was observing how the crowd tossed money in for the collection.

Many of the rich were making large contributions. 

One poor widow came up and put in two small coins—

a measly two cents. 

Jesus called his disciples over and said, 

"The truth is that this poor widow gave more to the collection 

than all the others put together. 

All the others gave what they'll never miss; 

she gave extravagantly what she couldn't afford—

she gave her all." 

Mark 12:41-44 The Message

Siesta Scripture Memory Verse # 11 "They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything--all she had to live on." Mark 12:44 NIV

Psalm 23

2011-06-05T13:46:00.000-07:00

Red Clover Fields near North Plains, Oregon 

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. 

 He makes me lie down in green pastures, 
he leads me beside quiet waters... 

 
...he restores my soul. 
He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.  

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me; 
your rod and your staff, they comfort me. 

 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. 
You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. 

Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, 
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

Psalm 23 NIV 

As of Late - June 4th, 2011

2011-06-04T21:07:00.000-07:00

Hammock-time!

Lately, I've been spending a lot of time on my hammock. Okay, well maybe a couple hours yesterday and today that is.

Lately, I organized a Field Day for Christopher's school. Old-Fashioned with tug-of-war and 3-legged races and sack races... and plenty of Popsicles. You know, I never thought I would have Field Day Organizer on my resume.

Lately, I have struggled to think of my next Siesta Team Memory Verse... any suggestions? I'm four days overdue!

Lately, I have begun the Ruth Bible Study by Kelly Minter. Loving it.

I used to think that my choice to obey in any given situation was a one-time decision, but I now realize that obedience might mean having to make that same choice several times in a week, month, or year. ~ Kelly Minter

Lately, I went to a fairy-tale wedding in Santa Barbara. Anthony and I shared a house with our youth pastor and his super talented wife and our senior pastor and his amazingly gifted wife. It was definitely a bit unnerving sharing a house with the senior pastor. I mean... who knows what could end up coming out of his mouth when he is at the pulpit tomorrow, right? What happens in Santa Barbara, stays in Santa Barbara!

Lately, my heart has been hurting for someone who is being teased on a daily basis. All I have to say is that being in middle school is rough business. So thankful for wonderful teachers who are helping all those involved (including me) to learn how to handle our frustration (read as ANGER) knowing it is a life lesson.

Lately, I realized that I have been blogging for over four years now. Wow! I have met so many wonderful friends through blogging. I am blessed by you!

So, what have you been up to... as of late?

And He Wants You To Know That You Will

2011-05-31T11:24:00.000-07:00

Sunshine

I was able to attend a wedding this weekend in Santa Barbara, California. As Anthony was taking photos of our friends' wedding rehearsal, I had the opportunity to touch my toes to the surf and sand of southern California. Such a blessed moment for me that I pulled out my iPhone and snapped a photo...

Sunshine. The sun. It truly exists. We were in Santa Barbara for four days. And the sun was out every day. Pouring out its light and warmth. Making everything beautiful. All the vivid colors. It was so much of a blessing I felt guilty knowing my friends in the Northwest would have none of it... well, perhaps some sun, but not the type of sun like this. And perhaps, I wasn't feeling as guilty as I was grieving... knowing that I would return back to gray skies.

A downer. I know it. And most of you cannot relate to me at all. And for that I am glad. Some of you are dealing with schools being let out early due to the extreme heat today while I am dealing with the rain. And most of you would long for the rain for your garden and to relieve the heat... and I guess you cannot understand where I am coming from... just as I cannot understand your complaints about too much sun and heat (as if that were possible).

But I have been thinking a lot about it all. How to explain to my dear Northwest friends that the sun does exist and it does produce bright light and heat? Because we forget. We go so long without the sun that we forget its presence. How it makes us feel more joyful... and relaxed.

How to tell someone about something that is not always felt, but is always there? How to tell someone that just because we cannot see it, it exists? How to tell someone that sunny days are ahead if we just hold on? Because when we are in that string of rainy days... even when there is a peek of sun... we know it won't last?

How do we tell people of a Savior? Of a very present God who is everywhere even though we cannot see Him? Of a Holy Spirit that can live within us even though we may not feel its presence during dark time? How do we encourage those who cannot believe us that there is a Light? There is hope? There is a future?

And just like I want to run home and tell everyone that there really is a place that feels like heaven on earth... that there is a heaven? Not just a heaven on earth... but a HEAVEN.

And it makes me consider how important it is for us to remind one another that there is a God who cares. There is a way to the Father. Especially when we experience Him in such an extraordinary way... and especially when we don't necessarily feel His Presence, but we know He is there.

Today, I feel it is of utmost importance for me to remind you that God exists. He is here. With us. We are not on our own. You may be struggling in your own "rainy days" and wondering if you will ever experience the warmth of "the presence" and He wants you to know that you will. Look beyond the rain. Look beyond the clouds. Look beyond your circumstances. Look beyond your feelings.

For the Lord God is our sun and our shield.
He gives us grace and glory.
The Lord will withhold no good thing
from those who do what is right.
Psalm 84:11 NLT

Jesus spoke to the people once more and said,
“I am the light of the world.
If you follow me, you won’t have to walk in darkness,
because you will have the light that leads to life.”
John 8:12 NLT

Praying that there will be sunshine in your life today... if not in your skies... in your heart and mind and soul...

But I will give this name to the Lord: " You are the Lord God who is my sun."

Time to Face the Truth, Again!

2011-05-23T11:37:00.000-07:00

It happens a couple times a year...

when I have to remind you of the truth about me.

Because I am busy today...

preparing for my Jonah Bible Study gals to visit tomorrow...

and then starting the Ruth Bible Study in my home in two weeks...

I have been thinking a lot about this favorite post...

I think it is time you knew the truth about me.

Disclaimer: This post is not for the faint of heart. If you intend to keep me on a pedestal, please read no further!

I don't make my bed everyday. Okay, I maybe make my bed once a week. Well, the truth is that it might not really officially be called "making" my bed... It is more like straightening the covers.

I don't do the dishes every day. I like to let them pile up and then put them into the dishwasher at one time because I have a whole logical schematic as to which items go where.

I have piles of clutter around my house at this very moment. When-am-I-going-to-read-these-books pile. Where-do-I-file-these-papers pile. Need-to-put-this-stuff-in-the-car pile.

But if I knew you were coming over... I would most likely do the dishes. I would definitely throw all my piles of clutter into a laundry basket and shove it in the laundry room. And I might... just might... on a good day... straighten my bed, but most likely... well, the plain truth is... I would just shut the bedroom door.

I had some darling ladies over my home a couple months back. After having visited my home, one of my precious ladies told me that she saw my piles! She actually went looking for them. It relieved her to know that I had piles. Because she has her own piles, and she wondered what other people did with their piles.

Now, mind you, I don't always have piles. I'm pretty organized by most standards. Most of the time I have piles because I want to make sure everything ends up where I can find it at a later date.

I don't hide my piles because I want to impress you. I hide them because I don't want to be distracted by them while you are here. I don't want you to be distracted by them either. It's not that I'm trying to be someone that I'm not... It's just that when you are in my home... I want it to be a haven to you.

I guess I do this in other areas of my life. I may not always greet you with my piles in tow... I may appear to have things together... but I do this because... I want to be a haven to you... whether in my home or in my heart.

I want you to feel free to come over and peak in the laundry room and see my piles. I encourage you to do so. You can even take a peak into the sink... if you must. But in all honesty, when you peak into my bedroom... you'll find the bed unmade... because... well, isn't that what matching bed sheets were made for?

Not Just In Word, But In Deed

2011-05-18T11:29:00.000-07:00

Ethiopia, November 2011

Therefore go and make disciples of all nations,

baptizing them in the name of the Father

and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit...

Matthew 28:19 NIV

I have chosen what is commonly called "The Great Commission" for my current memory verse.  (Matthew 28:16-20.)  Probably because it has been a theme that Priscilla Shirer has asked us to camp on in the Bible Study she wrote on Jonah.  

God told Jonah to “Go to the great city of Nineveh and preach against it, because its wickedness has come up before me.” Jonah 1:2

And then again “Go to the great city of Nineveh and proclaim to it the message I give you.” Jonah 3:2 

And Jesus tells His disciples before His ascent into heaven to "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you." Matthew 28:19-20

And I am wondering what that looks like for me... 

going
making
baptizing
teaching

When we read Jesus' words we may think we know what He means. Or we may choose to glance past them. Or they might stir up a sense of guilt. Or perhaps we are challenged by them. Or moved by them.

I wonder... when I give money to missions or encourage Anthony to go to Africa (while I hold down the fort here) or when I teach those around me here in Portland (or in blogland) about Jesus... am I fulfilling The Great Commission? And so, I choose this memory verse, so that I will focus and meditate on these final words of Jesus to His disciples. Knowing that I want to be His disciple. Not just in word, but in deed.

Siesta Scripture Memory Verse #10

Bring Joy To Your Servant

2011-05-11T12:34:00.000-07:00

Ethiopia, November 2010

I had a friend call me the other day. She was reading Psalm 86 and thought of me. She read me the Psalm over the phone. And then we spoke about how we have times in our lives when we feel despondent... and then we spoke about what it is that sustains us during those times.

I love how David, the Psalmist, goes back and forth between who he is and who God is and what God can do. Sometimes that is what sustains us. When we realize who we are and who God is. Sometimes that is exactly what sustains us.

Praying that you find comfort in the thought that the giver of life is also the sustainer of your life.

Hear, O LORD, and answer me,

for I am poor and needy.

Guard my life,

for I am devoted to you.

You are my God;

save your servant who trusts in you.

Have mercy on me, O Lord,

for I call to you all day long.

Bring joy to your servant,

for to you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.

You are forgiving and good, O Lord,

abounding in love to all who call to you.

Hear my prayer, O LORD;

listen to my cry for mercy.

In the day of my trouble I will call to you,
for you will answer me.

Among the gods there is none like you, O Lord;

no deeds can compare with yours.

All the nations you have made will come and worship before you, O Lord;

they will bring glory to your name.

For you are great and do marvelous deeds;

you alone are God.

Teach me your way, O LORD,

and I will walk in your truth;

give me an undivided heart,

that I may fear your name.

I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart;

I will glorify your name forever.

For great is your love toward me;

you have delivered me from the depths of the grave.

The arrogant are attacking me, O God;

a band of ruthless men seeks my life—

men without regard for you.

But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God,

slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.

Turn to me and have mercy on me;

grant your strength to your servant

and save the son of your maidservant.

Give me a sign of your goodness, that my enemies may see it and be put to shame,
for you, O LORD, have helped me and comforted me.

Psalm 86 NIV

Summer Bible Study With sister sheri

2011-05-09T16:20:00.000-07:00

I will be hosting two different Bible Studies this summer. The first study will be Ruth: Loss, Love & Legacy by Kelly Minter. (Beth Moore suggested this study last summer via the LPMblog.)

Details:

This study is six weeks long.
I will be hosting it on Tuesday morning at Portland Christian Center.
You will need to purchase the workbook on your own ahead of time at Lifeway for $12.95.
You will need to have week one completed for the first session.
This study is discussion based.... meaning that we are going to be talking about what we studied on our own during the week.
There is NO DVD or teaching.
Please contact me for additional information.
No childcare is available.

I am in the process of picking a Bible study for the second half of the summer. I will update you when it is selected. It will be another six week study.

As of Late - Boston Marathon Edition

2011-05-05T17:43:00.000-07:00

Lately, I traveled to Massachusetts to cheer Anthony at the Boston Marathon on Monday, April 18th.

Lately, I realized that you should not try a new GPS app while you are driving in Boston on Marathon Day.

Lately, I noticed that Bostonians do not tend to put bumper stickers on their cars--especially presidential bumper stickers.

Lately, I noticed that Boston has as many Dunkin Donuts as Portland has Starbucks.

Lately, I noticed that Boston has as many churches on main thoroughfares as Portland has adult-only stores.

Lately, I experienced the most awesome customer-oriented hotel. (The Hilton in Dedham, Massachusetts.)

Lately, I found out that toll booth operators are not taught to be customer-oriented whether you are in Boston or Portland.

Lately, I realized that I am not as nice of a person as I thought I was... especially to toll booth operators.

Lately, I came to the understanding that there is more emotion in getting to the Boston Marathon than being at the Boston Marathon.

Lately, (as always...) I am amazed at my husband's perseverance and endurance. Congratulations, Anthony!

So, what have you been up to... as of late?

He Hears Us

2011-05-03T20:41:00.000-07:00

This is the confidence we have in approaching God: 

 that if we ask  anything 

according to his will, 

he hears us.

 1 John 5:14 

Siesta Scripture Memory Verse #9

The Object of Her Displeasure

2011-04-30T08:18:00.000-07:00

It is that time of year, again. Little birdies are making nests in my back yard. Made me think of this post from last summer. Looking forward to spending time in my garden soon.

Jealous Momma

She was ticked. She kept click-click-clicking. I looked for a nest but didn't see any. She was mad. Territorial. Jealous. Since I could not find the object of her displeasure, I continued pruning in my backyard.

Again, click-click-click. This time she summons a hummingbird. I am getting a little nervous. Never having seen the movie "The Birds" but well-knowing what it was about... I pull back and observe the area. Then I see it. In the hanging basket above my head.

Object of Her Affection

Four little, tiny blue eggs. The object of her affection. She was jealous for these babies. Ready to scare off any rival. And it was working.

Not wanting to create an opportunity for abandonment, I left the area so that she might return to her treasure. But there was no question... because she was not going to abandon these eggs. They were hers and they would belong to no other. Not because she didn't want to share them, but she knew that by sharing them... they would die. It was who she was. She was the protector of the eggs... and she would fight for their benefit. For their life.

Refuge Under Her Wings

Finally, she was perched once again on her treasure. And I wondered to myself why the whole interaction took place. God, are you speaking to me? Is there something I am supposed to learn here?

And He reminded me that I had been wondering about what it mean for Him to be a "jealous God" and so He was answering me. I went into the house and looked up the word "jealous" in the Bible... on Blue Letter Bible. I soon found out that there were different meanings for the word jealous, but there was one in particular that was used only when describing God.

qanna'- an adjective. Used only of God. Used of God not bearing any rival; the severe avenger of departure of himself. Exodus 20:5, 34:14; Deuteronomy 4:24, 5:9, 6:15.

And I wondered why He would be jealous... but then I realized that He is jealous for me. Just like that momma bird. He knows that if I depart from Him that there are dire consequences. He does not want any rival because He knows I am weak. I need Him to protect me... to avenge me... if there is one who is tempting me to turn away. Because apart from Him... I am lost. I am without boundaries. Without right or wrong. Out of His will. And I have been there... and it ain't pretty.

Listen to my cry, for I am in desperate need;

rescue me from those who pursue me, for they are too strong for me.

Psalm 142:6

And so now, I wait. Wait for the little birdies to hatch. And I find comfort... that God is my avenger...

He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
Psalm 91:4

He Is Risen!

2011-04-24T08:58:00.000-07:00

As The New Day Dawns over the Sea of Galilee

photography by Anthony Kaetzel

Early on Sunday morning,

as the new day was dawning,

Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went out to visit the tomb.

Suddenly there was a great earthquake! 

For an angel of the Lord came down from heaven, 

rolled aside the stone, and sat on it.  

His face shone like lightning, 

and his clothing was as white as snow. 

The guards shook with fear when they saw him, 

and they fell into a dead faint.

  Then the angel spoke to the women. 

“Don’t be afraid!” he said. 

“I know you are looking for Jesus, 

who was crucified.  

He isn’t here!

He is risen 

from the dead, just as he said would happen. 

Come, see where his body was lying.

And now, go quickly and tell his disciples

 that he has risen from the dead,  

and he is going ahead of you to Galilee. 

 You will see him there. 

Remember what I have told you.”

 The women ran quickly from the tomb. 

They were very frightened but also 

filled with great joy, 

and they rushed to give the disciples the angel’s message. 

Matthew 28:1-8 NLT

Honestly, I don't want to blog today. Okay, that's a lie.

2011-04-21T11:55:00.000-07:00

Wave Spray at Monterey 

Judge not, that ye be not judged.

Matthew 7:1 KJV    

Honestly, I don't want to blog today. Okay, that's a lie. I actually do want to blog, but something light-hearted like "As of Late" and have it focus on our recent trip to see Anthony run the Boston Marathon. I don't feel like blogging what I feel compelled to blog about, because the words are all clogged up in my head. And I don't know how to write them down and it's all a jumble. But I feel compelled... and the Lord has placed two words in my head lately. One word being obedience. And the other word being unconditional. Unconditional obedience. Great.

And it's not that this post is about unconditional obedience. It's just that I need to be obedient to God's compulsion upon me to write it. I'm not sure if it is for any reason except for me to show that I truly am being unconditionally obedient to the Lord. So, here it goes.

I just started the Bible Study Jonah by Priscilla Shirer. For those of you unfamiliar with the Bible, there is a book in the Old Testament about a man named Jonah. It is squeezed in between the books of Obadiah and Micah. Yes, if you have seen the Veggietales DVD about Jonah... this is the book the DVD was based upon. (Okay, minus the talking vegetables and all the discussion about cheese curls.) Anyhoo... the main idea of Priscilla Shirer's study is that Jonah's life was interrupted by God. And our lives are interrupted by God. But instead of looking at it as undesirable interruptions we would benefit by viewing them as divine interventions. What may look like God interrupting our life is actually God working out His plan and our future. (Jeremiah 29:11)

Here's what I don't want to tell you... So far the study hasn't really resonated with me. Which makes me nervous because I have spoken to my other Bible Study gals and they have been blown away by it. They are soaking it up. And so I am wondering... what is wrong with me? True, it has only been the first week. I have seen two of the videos. And Priscilla is right on with what she is talking about. Totally. I see this in how God is most definitely weaving the women even at my own Bible Study table. But the application part of the study... for me personally, isn't hitting it.

And so I wonder if that is because I have done other studies like Experiencing God by Henry Blackaby that have already taught me about how to look where God is working and join Him there... so that I don't see interruptions... just God at work? Trust me. Not being holier-than-thou right now. I am just talking through this... I am just hard pressed to find the interruption right now. I know I have them.

And so I asked God to show me what is the current undesired interruption in my life that I should be looking at as a divine intervention. Ugh. Again, it would be easier to just be disobedient at this point. No. Not really. So, of course, He showed me. He answers prayers like that. And He loves that we trust Him enough to pray to Him like that.

Here it is... My divine intervention which is being camouflaged as an undesired interruption is... I am currently being over-critical. No, really. More than normal. Hyper-critical. Too critical. Of myself. Of you. Of my family. Of Bible Studies. And especially of Boston AND Portland toll-booth operators. (Okay, I'll maybe tell you that story later. Maybe not.)

Most likely my current tendency towards my criticalness is due to my Thyroid medication. (My endocrinologist keeps me hyper-thyroid so any thyroid (cancerous) tissue cannot grow.) Lucky me, I get to toggle between depression and hyper-criticalness. I do not offer my medicational discrepancy as an excuse, but as a cause.

What I am gleaning from all of this... I can look at my critical-craziness as an annoying interruption or receive it as a call to an even deeper reflection. Perhaps I am being overly critical... but what about? What things are currently driving me crazy and why?

Perhaps there could be some discernment in what I call my criticalocity. But I normally couch my critical thinking with love and grace. And that is not happening right now. My criticism is raw and uncensored. That is why my blogging has been minimal. And some of my conversations, too.

Well, let it not be said that I fear meta thinking. It can be a downfall for some, but for me... it is a way of life. All of this to say, that I am embracing my critical-spirit... asking God to coat it with His Holy Spirit... and begging of Him that I not have to write another post like this...

Siesta Scripture Memory Verse #7 

p.s. I made up a couple of the words in this post.  It was just kind of fun for me.  Sorry if it bothered you. :)

The Leaking Window

discombobulated

#SSMTC

As of Late - January 15th, 2012

Speed Dating

A Lack of Isolation

ABC's of My 2011

But The Point Is Not To Just Get By.

What Is God's Will For You?

I Don't Want To Find My Want-To

Christmas Concerts

Christmas Tree Hunt 2011

Top 10 Reasons for Avoiding The Ugly Cry

"The Leaking Window" Whines About A Blocked Drainspout

As of Late - November 5th, 2011

Made To Crave

A High Tower For The Oppressed

And in my heart I knew... I was going to Houston.

Siesta Scripture Memory Team Celebration!I'm Not Exactly What You Call a Redneck...

Hurt, Hope, Healing

Girls Behaving Prudishly

Straight Paths

Yesterday does not define you...

The Decision.

As of Late - September 26th, 2011

I Love Stopping Slavery

You Inspire Shouts of Joy

Clothe Yourself With Strength and DignityEven When You Are Hiking the Grand Canyon

It Reminds Me Most

Just in case my insecurity actually came across as lack of interest...

As of Late - August 29th, 2011

Not Just Holy.

Strength and Dignity

I had found security in my insecurity.

But she has decided to wipe the tears away. Reapply her mascara. Get in the car. And drive.

This Jar is Cracked

"I don't just doubt myself, I also doubt God about myself."

Numbing The Pain

Blogging is so Passé...

If Only...

I Am So Totally Insecure... Believe It Or Not

What If God Didn't Let Anyone Go To Hell?

Love & Respect; So Long, Insecurity; and Eggshells

Patronizing Nonsense

Reminded of a Simple Truth...

The Year of The Wedding

Congratulations to Mr. & Mrs.

Depression from the Other Side by elizabeth embracing God

Because The Almighty Has Made My Life Very Bitter

Is God Waiting For Us To Win The Lottery?

Psalm 23

As of Late - June 4th, 2011

And He Wants You To Know That You Will

Time to Face the Truth, Again!

Not Just In Word, But In Deed

Bring Joy To Your Servant

Summer Bible Study With sister sheri

As of Late - Boston Marathon Edition

He Hears Us

The Object of Her Displeasure

He Is Risen!

Honestly, I don't want to blog today. Okay, that's a lie.

Siesta Scripture Memory Team Celebration!
I'm Not Exactly What You Call a Redneck...