Me, Myself & Lies: 5+8=13

But in your hearts

set apart Christ as Lord.

Always be prepared

to give an answer

to everyone who asks you

to give the reason

for the hope that you have.

But do this with

gentleness and respect...

1 Peter 3:15 NIV

Me, Myself & Lies

Week 3, Day 4

A Spirit-Controlled Thought Closet:

Snapshots of the Spirit

Do you ever think that no one is interested in what you have to say? Well, I do. Even with constant affirmation.

Today's study reminds us that the Holy Spirit challenges us to hear, admit, and embrace truth. Hearing truth and admitting truth is not where I lack... it is in embracing the truth. Embracing that there is an answer within me for the hope that I have.

It reminds me of math facts. I have noticed that when Christopher and I are reviewing math flash cards that sometimes he is uncertain as to whether 5+8=13. I try to encourage him to just KNOW that 5+8=13. It just is. There is no doubt. He should just believe it. It is a fact. It is truth.

The truth is... that there is a reason for the hope that is within me. Even when I feel inadequate to speak the words or write the words that are on my heart... God is NOT inadequate. The reason is NOT inadequate.

And that is the truth... and I will rely upon the Holy Spirit to remind me that testifying of God's great love for me... and what I've learned... is NEVER inadequate.

But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit,

whom the Father will send in my name,

will teach you all things and

will remind you of everything

I have said to you.

John 14:26 NIV

Me, Myself & Lies: Self-Talking!

My current Bible Study, Me, Myself & Lies focuses on our self-talk. Sometimes as I'm working through the content... it is hard for me to remember concrete examples of how negative my self-talk can be. This is where journaling (or blogging) comes in handy. I encourage you to journal about your negative self-talk, so that you can know what you need to combat... and to remember how far God has brought you!

Prime Example of Sheri's Self-Talk from March 9th of this year...


I'm Angry!
March 9, 2009

Fresh Snow this Morning...

Last week, I decided to stop blogging.

After teaching last Tuesday on Abigail... I believed the lie that I was told. "You didn't do it. You weren't good enough. You were telling people things they already knew. You sighed too often. You crossed your arms. You made exaggerated statements. Why did you think you should be up there teaching?"

And so, if I was that poor of a teacher... why did I feel that my random musings via blogworld would be any different?

When asked by a friend* "How did it go?" I said, "It went."

Despite the fact that one of the ladies at my table said to me that she wanted to pick up my challenge to be an Abigail (or Jonathan) to someone who is in an Abigail-like situation. Despite the fact that my pastor's wife commended me on Facebook for all to see. Despite the encouraging words of ladies I love and I adore... and more importantly... I trust.

But what is worse... It was despite the fact that I was obedient to what God asked me to do... and even more so... despite all of the intercession that had occurred on my behalf... and finally despite the fact that I truly knew it was "not about me" and that God would have to be the one to "bring it"...

Yet, the lie was easier to believe. I wondered... was it false humility? Perhaps. But the lie was strong and deep and it was carefully mastered. Almost as if the lie came from someone who would want to tear me to shreds... so that I would shut up... hold back... sink within myself...

And frankly, it worked... this week I have been suffering from PTD (post-teaching depression).

But God would not let me stay there. During church service on Sunday, we had a guest speaker who spoke to us about

guilt vs. grace
shame vs. righteousness
condemnation vs. conviction.

And I got angry. Angry for being lied to. Angry for believing the lie.

And I realized that I must not be the only one who feels this way, so I immediately ran home and wrote an e-mail to the gal who is teaching this Tuesday. And I am praying for her before she teaches... and during her teaching... but now I know to pray for her AFTER she teaches.

Then, I knew that I should post about this week of weakness. Because it wasn't just for my benefit, but for yours.

And so, I again cling to these words penned by the apostle Paul...

4My message and my preaching
were not with wise and persuasive words,

but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power,

5so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom,
but on God's power.

1 Corinthians 2:4-5 NIV

I don't understand why it is easier to believe a lie about ourselves... especially when we are the one speaking it. Sisters, we must remember who we are in Christ. We must remind each other and encourage each other. We must use what we have learned during our weak times to strengthen those around us.

...that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith.
Romans 1:12 NIV

He WILL Bring You Through It

All praise to the God and Father
of our Master, Jesus the Messiah!
Father of all mercy!
God of all healing counsel!

He comes alongside us
when we go through hard times,
and before you know it,
he brings us alongside someone else
who is going through hard times
so that we can be there for that person
just as God was there for us.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 The Message

Are you struggling right now? Are you going through a difficult or hard time? Is it something that no one else seems to understand? No one else can relate to your current suffering? Are you wondering why God has allowed you to be in this "hard time"? And even more so... why is He letting you hang out there for so long?

Here's the good news... no make that the great news... okay... the BEST news...
God is going to come alongside you and bring you comfort. And God is going to be there for you. He promises. He is faithful.

And God will recycle what you have been through. Can you believe it? Remember when you thought no one could relate to what you were going through? Now that you have been through that difficult time... YOU CAN RELATE! You can be that person who truly can understand what someone else is going through. God is going to use you.

So, share it! Write a post about it. And don't be too surprised when God uses you to minister to someone else. To bring them hope and the same comfort that God gave to you.

Because He will bring you through it. He has promised!

When you're in over your head,
I'll be there with you.

When you're in rough waters,
you will not go down.

When you're between
a rock and a hard place,
it won't be a dead end—

Because I am God,
your personal God,
The Holy of Israel,
your Savior.

Isaiah 43:2 The Message

Authenticity: The Remix

A Remix from the original.

Paulina's Peak, Oregon

During our trip to Sunriver in June of 2008, we decided to take some time to explore the nature around us. For those of you unfamiliar with central Oregon, it is highlighted with desert and volcanic rock. We decided to climb (okay, drive) to the top of Paulina's Peak. I noticed tan rocks, green trees, blue water, and white snow. But no other colors... until I looked down.

Authenticity

And there, I saw it... authenticity... it had a beautiful pinkish-magenta color. Here a seed had settled amongst the rocks... on the edge... and decided to bloom... where it had landed. It didn't wait to be picked up and nurtured in a nursery. It didn't hang on until someone gathered it up and took it from this dry and barren place. It didn't offer excuses as to why it shouldn't bloom here. It just did. No one sat around and thought.... "Gee, that plant is just showing off." Or "Doesn't that plant know that it will not be noticed here?" Or "What made that plant presume that it could just go ahead and bloom where others have failed to do so?"

I often find myself thinking that I have no right to presume to share from the depths of who I am. I mean, really, who do I think I am? Do I think that I am special? That my words might offer relief to someone? Or they might bring comfort? Who do I think I am...

And then I looked down... and realized that, I am authentic. There I am. Blooming where it might be unexpected. But afraid to show it. Thinking that perhaps I will appear that I think "I know it all." So, I withhold words of wisdom, comfort, love... why? Because I don't want to assume or offend or be rejected.

The following quote from Nelson Mandela has stirred me to step into my fear....

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be
brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are we not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small doesn't serve the world.

There's nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fears,
our presence automatically liberates others."
- quote by Nelson Mandela

That's me. That's who I am. Authentic. Sometimes, I am afraid to let my light shine... but as God is liberating me from my fears, I would pray that He uses me in your liberation, too.

Me, Myself & Lies: What's In Your Closet?

The Summer Siesta Bible Study has begun! We had our first group meeting this week and started digging into our workbooks. Wow!

Jennifer Rothschild addresses our self-talk. How we tend to "put on" whatever is in our "thought closet." If we think we are insignificant or unworthy or unloved... when we reach into our thought closet... we have easy access to these lies. If we know by reading God's word that we are precious to God or significant or wonderfully and thoughtfully made... we can reach into our thought closet and pull out the truth... God's truth.

I love this analogy about a thought closet... it has made me think about what is in my clothes closet:

My prom gown from my senior year of high school
My graduation gown from my college graduation
My great-grandmother's coat which is probably about 100 years old
A gold sweater that I've never looked good wearing
White sandals that hurt when I wear them

... these are all items that I will never wear. Yet, I keep them with the clothes that I wear everyday. Why is that?

I shove them to the back of the closet... so I can't see them, but they are still there. Right alongside the jeans that "fit" (LOL) or the purple sweater that accentuates my eyes or my all-American white t-shirts. What is my reasoning for holding on to these items?

And what is truly my reasoning for keeping the lies in my thought closet... right next to the truth that I read in God's word?

So, over the next few weeks, I think I will be literally cleaning out a couple of my closets. Purging those items which I will never wear. And it will be a reminder to me of the need to clean out my thought closet... so that there will be plenty of room for all of the thoughts that my heavenly Father thinks of me.

And so... how about you? What's in your closet?

Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth...

Love never gives up.

Love cares more for others than for self.

Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.

Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 The Message

...make me a fork

"Blogging isn't only about writing;
it's about inducing other people to respond,
either on one's own blog or in another blog.

The macrologue, the big blogging conversation,
encourages bloggers not only to participate
but to hope for an influential role in that conversation
and compete for it." - quote from dummies.com

“Father, make of me a crisis man.
Bring those I contact to decision.

Let me not be a milepost on a single road;
make me a fork,
that men must turn one way or another
on facing Christ in me.”
- Jim Elliot

What's on My Bookshelf?

My current read:
Be Sweet by Diann Hunt. So far... so fun. A book about two sisters... Reminds me of Sisterchicks...

Which leads me to my next read... in the wings...waiting to be read: Sisterchicks in Wooden Shoes by Robin Jones Gunn. Yeah! I didn't even know that a new one had come out... and I happened upon it at Powell's Bookstore at Cedar Hills Crossing! Anita, thanks so much for introducing me to this series!

A timely read:

Earlier this month gideonmommasita mentioned that she had just read Misty of Chincoteague by Marguerite Henry... and how she loves "a good children's book." It peaked my interest since some of my travels this summer will take me very close to Chincotegue Island which I had visited as a little girl.

I had made it through Chapter 7 when my sister (who did not know I was reading it...) informed me that she was given a copy of Misty of Chincotegue by a close friend... who happens to be part of the true familial lineage of the family in the book. Coincidence? I think not!

Today is the day that I start my new Bible Study: Me, Myself and Lies by Jennifer Rothschild. When I was ordering the workbook off her website, I noticed her highly recommended book and decided to order the audio version. Lessons I Learned in the Dark: Steps to Walking By Faith, Not by Sight. Let me just tell you that this gal is anointed!

Just finished reading:
Anonymous: Jesus' Hidden Years... and Yours by Alicia Britt Chole. Truly life-transforming book which details the integrity and authenticity brought out of the unapplauded or obscure times in our lives. I'll need to read this book again because I keep needing this lesson over and over... will I ever learn?

So, what are you reading this summer?

The Early Bird Gets the... Mezuzah

Congratulations to Patti from Emersyn Grace, Our Biggest Little Blessing! She was the first person to comment on the previous post... and she wins a Mezuzah charm purchased in Jerusalem.

Random Integer Generator

Here are your random numbers:

1

Patti is a precious young woman that I have attended church with for over 14 years. We met the the first summer I arrived in Portland. I volunteered to teach VBS and Patti joined me as a co-teacher. I was impressed with her heart immediately when I realized she was in her early teens... taking time from her summer to teach the younger children.

I recently asked Patti about why she started blogging...

I started a Xanga blog back in 2004 when I started real estate. It was essentially an online journal of sorts, a place for me to talk about my house listings and also what life was like as a newlywed.

I started my REAL blog back in April of 2008 when we found out we were expecting a baby girl. I originally started it as a way to document the remainder of my pregnancy, and then a way to let my friends and family watch Emersyn grow up via pictures and updates.

But since then I have become an avid blog reader and have been inspired to make my blog much more then a show and tell of my sweet daughter. It is almost a visual way to chart the progress towards becoming a better woman. I have goals and am able to share them and then show how I am working towards them.

I want my blog to be somewhat of a biography of me in a sense when Emersyn is grown up. I want to be a well rounded woman for her to be inspired by. I decided to include more content on my blog, such as a new weekly recipe, new hobbies (like growing tomatoes this summer), etc. Having the blog has challenged me to create more substance in my life.

Through reading other people's blogs and leaving comments, I have inherited some readers who were strangers and now I feel like I have gotten to know them through their blogs. I have several "blog friends" that have kids that are almost the exact same age as Emersyn and so that is fun to see.

I love going to church and having random people say that they read my blog and love seeing Emersyn's pictures. I have some non-Christian friends that read my blog and comment on how "positive" that I am and I hope that can be a witness of God's love and light.

Patti, may God's word always be upon your heart! I am so encouraged to see your love for God, your husband and daughter, parents, family and friends!

My 300th Post

Hear, O Israel:
The LORD our God, the LORD is one.
Love the LORD your God with all your heart
and with all your soul
and with all your strength.

These commandments that I give you today
are to be upon your hearts.

Impress them on your children.

Talk about them when you sit at home
and when you walk along the road,
when you lie down and when you get up.

Tie them as symbols on your hands
and bind them on your foreheads.

Write them on the doorframes
of your houses and on your gates.
Deuteronomy 6:4-9 NIV

It seems hard to believe that a year has passed since this picture was taken of me in Jerusalem. Time is inevitable, isn't it? I am standing at the gate to the Western Wall (Wailing Wall) by a Mezuzah.

A Mezuzah is a small case which hangs in a doorpost ("Write them on the doorframes...") and contains the verses from Deuteronomy 6:4-9, 11:13-21. As you pass through the doorway, you kiss your fingers and touch them to the Mezuzah as a sign of expressing your love and respect for God and His commandments.

My favorite purchase when we were touring the Sea of Galilee was a Mezuzah charm necklace that I am wearing in the photo. ("...to be upon your hearts.")

When Anthony returned to Israel last week, I asked him if he would purchase another Mezuzah for me. He found a beautifully ornate Mezuzah with amethyst inset. This one will hang in a doorframe... I'm still deciding in which one I will hang it.

In our Christian culture we often stay away from having icons in our homes. I suppose it comes from a time when people would worship the icon and not Who it represented. When using icons became more of a routine than out of reverence. And by removing icons that we would return to a more simpler faith... and only be dependent upon God and His Word.

But sometimes I wonder if it went too far. That perhaps a little routine might keep us more engaged. Perhaps a symbol that reminds us to keep God's commands... or to teach them to our children... just might not be a bad thing.

To celebrate my 300th post, I am giving away a Mezuzah charm (similar to my necklace in the photo) purchased in Jerusalem. Please leave a comment on this post and I will pick a name randomly on Saturday. (No purchase necessary!)

So if you faithfully obey the commands I am giving you today—to love the LORD your God and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul-then I will send rain on your land in its season, both autumn and spring rains, so that you may gather in your grain, new wine and oil.

I will provide grass in the fields for your cattle, and you will eat and be satisfied. Be careful, or you will be enticed to turn away and worship other gods and bow down to them. Then the LORD's anger will burn against you, and he will shut the heavens so that it will not rain and the ground will yield no produce,and you will soon perish from the good land the LORD is giving you.

Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land that the LORD swore to give your forefathers, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth.

Deuteronomy 11:13-21 NIV

Remembering: The Lingering Garden

I love being able to look back on my blogging... to see where I've been... and where God has brought me.

This was originally posted on June 4th of 2007.





I'm not sure what has come over me lately. I am not a gardener at all. However, our backyard has been quite the sanctuary for me this spring. Last year due to illness it went neglected entirely. Now, it causes me to linger. To want to be outside. It is as if the Lord wants me to be gardening.

Psalm 126:6

He who goes out weeping,
carrying seed to sow,
will return with songs of joy,
carrying sheaves with him.

What a promise! There's been a bit of weeping with the school year closing out (new school next year)...but what a promise...there will be a harvest!

those seeds should have known that they needed a pole...

Been out in the garden. We're growing pole beans this year. Never done it before. Now that the plant starts are maturing... they are sending out their tentacles to hook on to something... whatever they can find... even themselves. What they really need are poles... to grasp on to, so that the beans are able to grow off the ground. That's where I come in... I'm their trainer.

Each morning as I walk about my garden, I stop by and visit the pole beans. If I find a new growth of tentacle, I gently lead it over to the pole... sometimes gently wrapping it around the pole. Next time I visit, it normally has gotten the idea... and it does the wrapping itself. And then I won't even need to help it... but for now I do... and I visit daily... and I train. Gently. Enjoying their growth... and soon I won't be as necessary... until they bear their fruit... and then I get to share in their harvest.


No one faults the beans for needing a little extra help. Actually, the seeds came in a package with directions that I would need to provide for their growth if I expected them to produce as shown in their picture on the front of the package. I don't mind helping them. I actually enjoy it.

So when the plant is starting to send out its shoots, I don't think to myself... those seeds should have known that they needed a pole... why didn't they plant themselves by a pole? They were made to be dependent. Now, I can't make the seed grow into the plant... it does it by itself... God has created it that way. But coming alongside... offering what I can... a pole, water... and then it is ready to do the rest.

And so, we are encouraged... or even more so... given the charge... of training the "younger" women. There is a world out there that thinks that loving a husband or children, being self-controlled, pure, busy at home, kind, and subject to a husband... well, it should just come naturally. Innate. Or perhaps we think... that was someone else's job... their mother's job. She was to train up the daughters. Well, sometimes... things just don't work out that way...

Is there a young tender flower near you? Perhaps you didn't plant her, but you could give a little guidance? A gentle nudging? Just until she grasps hold? Maybe you need to direct her to the Word of God? Fellowship with other women? Be a listening ear?

For me... this is a compulsion. I am compelled to do so... because, I know what it is like to not have a gentle gardener direct me towards the right direction. By the grace of God, I happened upon it... after years of wrapping the tentacles around myself... and often wonder what it would have been like if only someone would have taken the time to...

...train the younger women
to love their husbands
and children,
to be self-controlled
and pure,
to be busy at home,
to be kind,
and to be subject to their husbands,
so that no one will malign the word of God.
Titus 2:4-5 NIV

Oregon's 2009 Economic Stimulus Plan

Involuntary Integration

"To keep me from becoming conceited
because of these surpassingly great revelations,
there was given me a thorn in my flesh,
a messenger of Satan, to torment me.

Three times I pleaded with the Lord
to take it away from me.

But he said to me,
"My grace is sufficient for you,
for my power is made perfect in weakness."

Therefore I will boast
all the more gladly about my weaknesses,
so that Christ's power may rest on me.

That is why, for Christ's sake,
I delight in weaknesses,
in insults, in hardships,
in persecutions, in difficulties.

For when I am weak, then I am strong."

2 Corinthians 12: 7-10 NIV

In the Mitford Series by Jan Karon, Father Tim declares that the thorn Paul speaks of in 2 Corinthians 12 must be diabetes. I, on the other hand, think it must have been Thyroid Cancer or depression. Paul never shares with us what the thorn in his flesh actually is... and so each of us can come to this passage and apply it to our own situation.

The Good. The Bad. The Ugly.

The Good News. My endocrinologist said my TSH levels are "good"...

The Bad News. I am hyperthyroid.

The Ugly. I must learn to adjust to my current level of "normal"...

The Best News. Because of this inability to have complete control over my emotions, I have to lean heavily on the Lord. On His Spirit which lives within me. No more Voluntary Quarantine. I have to be integrated back into society with my warts and all, I'm relying on His power. His sufficiency. His grace. His perfection.

And I don't say this lightly. And I know many will not want to read this, but... this is an answer to my prayers. After the Lord had brought me through the deepest depression I had ever known, didn't I ask Him to not let me lose the sweet communion I had with Him during that time? For Him to truly be everything I need?

And I even wonder to myself... how could I possibly admit this? What in the world would bring someone to be grateful for a thorn in their flesh? How sweet could that communion with the Lord have been? Couldn't you just encounter sweet communion with the Lord without pain?

And yes, you can encounter the Lord in depth without pain. Thank God, you can! And remember that I did not pray for the pain... but for the communion.

And that is where I am at today... Thanking God for the relationship I have with Him. My need for Him. My need for Christ's power to rest on me.

Dear one, do you have a thorn in the flesh? Literally or figuratively... what is it? By all means, plead with the Lord to take it away from you just like the apostle Paul did three times. And God may do that! Praise God! But if it remains... remember, like Paul did,

"Because of the extravagance of those revelations,
and so I wouldn't get a big head,
I was given the gift of a handicap
to keep me in constant touch with my limitations.

Satan's angel did his best to get me down;
what he in fact did was push me to my knees.
No danger then of walking around high and mighty!

At first I didn't think of it as a gift,
and begged God to remove it.
Three times I did that, and then he told me,

My grace is enough; it's all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.

Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen.
I quit focusing on the handicap
and began appreciating the gift.

It was a case of Christ's strength
moving in on my weakness.

Now I take limitations in stride,
and with good cheer,
these limitations that cut me down to size—
abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks.

I just let Christ take over!

And so the weaker I get,
the stronger I become."

2 Corinthians 12:7-10 The Message

Sitting on the Ledge

Oasis

Looking unto Jesus
the author and finisher of [our] faith;
who for the joy that was set before him
endured the cross, despising the shame,
and is set down at the right hand
of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:2 KJV

During my Voluntary Quarantine one of the worst things I can do... is trust my feelings. For most of my life I thought that my feelings were facts. That's how I was raised. It was some hard lessons for me to change that mindset.

I'm currently listening to the book Lessons I Learned in the Dark by Jennifer Rothschild. She was discussing how Jesus had human emotions. How He struggled with human emotions. In Hebrews 12:2 it says that Jesus despised the shame.

Jennifer Rothschild suggested that if you look at the original Greek word for despising it is kataphroneō which means "to contemn, despise, disdain, think little or nothing of." Contemn meaning "to treat or regard with contempt." Disdain meaning "the feeling that someone or something is unworthy of one's consideration or respect."

Jesus did not regard his feelings as worthy of His consideration. He did not esteem them. He trusted in the Truth. The promise. Joy was set before Him.

When I take my emotions and feelings as fact, I act upon them. My emotions and feelings easily sway and are quite torrential right now. I cannot rely upon them. I need to rely upon the Truth.

If I would act upon my feelings right now... I would corrupt the rest of the parents on Christopher's ball team. I would drink multiple Venti WHOLE milk Carmel de Leche Lattes WITH whipped cream throughout the day. I would stay in bed. I would quit blogging. I would leave my church.

The other day I had to call Anthony to talk me off the ledge. I was about to send a scathing e-mail to someone who had dissed a project that my friend had worked on all year. I begged him to tell me the truth because I was hot. And he did. He reminded me that my friend hadn't asked me to defend her. That she could defend herself. That this was not my predicament.

And... it worked. I had to write what he said on a posty and stick it up in my car, but it did work.

For if our heart condemn us,
God is greater than our heart,
and knoweth all things.
1 John 3:20 KJV

Even our own heart can condemn us. But if we go to God... and ask Him to talk us off the ledge... He is faithful to do it. He knows all things. He is greater than our heart. He is greater than our emotions. He is Truth.

So, no worries, my friends... I am holding my tongue at the ballgames... I am welcoming each new day... I will continue blogging... and I LOOOOOOOVE my church!

But about that multiple Venti WHOLE milk Carmel de Leche Lattes WITH whipped cream throughout the day thing? Well, one wouldn't hurt... would it?

Voluntary Quarantine

I've been overemotional lately. Even at this very minute as I type, I have tears in my eyes. I am oversensitive. Easily agitated. Irrationally angered.

I have decided for safety reasons to voluntarily quarantine myself.


Most people don't encounter this side of me. But here it is. And it is on a rampage right now.

Perhaps in a few days my blood test results will come back and indicate that my TSH is too low... and I am hyperthyroid. (Having survived Thyroid Cancer, I have to have my blood levels checked every year with potential for adjustment.)

So, I find it best right now to lay low.

I finally realized the other day that something was really wrong when I blew up over Christopher's baseball game running 45 minutes over. I was under the impression the game would be for an hour. The coach decided to allow extra innings. He had done this before. I was angry.

And then Anthony reminded me that I was team mom, a leader of sorts, and perhaps not setting the best example to the other parents. I knew he was right... but I was mad.

I stormed away. I tried to collect myself, so I could return and watch the game. I couldn't do it. I knew if I went back... I'd either start on my tirade... or start crying and apologizing. I went to the car. Forty-five minutes later when Christopher and Anthony got in the car, I started weeping uncontrollably. Hmmm.... something is very wrong here.

I find myself in a difficult situation. Trying to continue on about my normal day... without getting offended by minutia. But it happens... and I say more than I should... and then I have to go back and apologize after weeping uncontrollably.

I don't want to make excuses... although I have one. My condition is not contagious, but my attitude is... and for that reason, I find it my responsibility to voluntarily quarantine myself.

Soon, the blood test will come back... we'll make adjustments on my meds... and the roller coaster will end. Well, at least for a year.

But it is all a good lesson for me to learn... to be aware of how my reactions affect others... whether I feel well or not.

²¹So I find this law at work:
When I want to do good,
evil is right there with me.

²²For in my inner being
I delight in God's law;
²³but I see another law at work
in the members of my body,
waging war against the law of my mind
and making me a prisoner of the law of sin
at work within my members.

²⁴What a wretched man I am!
Who will rescue me from this body of death?

²⁵Thanks be to God
—through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So then, I myself in my mind
am a slave to God's law,
but in the sinful nature
a slave to the law of sin.

Romans 7:21-25 NIV

More DetailsSiesta Summer Bible Study:Me, Myself & Lies

If you're interested in joining my small group for Me, Myself and Lies in Portland, you'll need to

1. contact me and
2. purchase your own workbook.

Then just show up at our first meeting which will take place on June 23rd.

Brief synopsis:
Homework starts on 6/23. 5 days a week format. 6 weeks total.
Meet four times. (approx. 6/23, 7/7, 7/21 and 8/4)
Basic premise of the study is to learn how to guard what we’re saying to ourselves and what we’re stuffing destructively into our minds.

See the LPM blog for all the detailed information about the Siesta Summer Bible Study. Here's an example from last year.

There's already three of us signed-up... so join the party!

Siesta Summer Bible Study: Me, Myself & Lies

It's almost summer. Time for vacation, right? Not for me! I know me... and I cannot take a vacation from Bible Study. I need the accountability.

So, I'm getting ready to join Beth Moore at the Living Proof Ministry Blog for the Siesta Summer Bible Study: Me, Myself & Lies by Jennifer Rothschild. Stop by the blog... and if you're interested join the study!

And if you're here in Portland... join me as I bring together a small group to discuss the study.

feeling self-conscious and loving it!

But Moses said,"Please Lord,
send someone else to do it."
Exodus 4:13 NIV

I have the privilege of hanging out with 3rd grade girls on Wednesday evenings. And that is what I do... hang out. I don't have to prepare lessons or crafts. I don't attend meetings. I show up late and sometimes leave early.

Last summer, when I considered if I had any time available to serve in the children's ministry department at our church, I realized that the best time for me would be on Wednesday evenings. Anthony and Christopher hang out with the Royal Rangers (our church's version of Boy Scouts), so I'm normally on my own.

However, due to Anthony's schedule, I can't get to church until 7pm... and due to Christopher's schedule... I need to leave at 8:30pm. (The truth be known is that I turn into a pumpkin at 8:31pm if I am not at home.)

I remember calling the amazing gal who oversees the Missionettes program (ie Girl Scouts) and saying, "Hey, I can basically be a warm body in a room from 7-8:30pm on Wednesday nights. Take me or leave me." She was more than happy to have me hang out with the 3rd grade girls and an amazing teacher and assistant.

It has been a wonderful year of getting to know these precious young ladies. I committed to one year which is coming to completion and am currently inquiring of the Lord as to any further commitment. Which is difficult. I love hanging out with the girls and leaders... and yet, I feel a pull to something... an unknown something...

And last night, I walked into the 3rd grade room, and on the board was written the current memory verse for the African Studies badge.

Then I heard the voice
of the Lord saying,
"Whom shall I send?
And who will go for us?"
And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"
Isaiah 6:8 NIV

And I thought... what a comparison.

Isaiah saying, "Send me!"

and Moses protesting, "Send someone else!"

Perhaps, Isaiah 6:8 would have been a better memory verse for me... but then, again, the humanness of Moses is probably easier for me to relate to... because in the end... Moses did go... and the Israelites were freed from captivity according to God's plan.

So, when I struggle with feeling self-conscious about blogging or knitting or teaching or whatever, I am now strengthened by the thought that God did use Moses... despite his feelings of inadequacy.

And what about you? Have you been feeling inadequate about something God is calling you to do? I hope that you are encouraged within your weakness to say, "Send me!"

if the burning bush had been a telephone...

But Moses said,
“O Lord, please send someone else
to do it.” Exodus 4:13 NIV

My 10th Siesta Scripture Memory Team Verse... Exodus 4:13. Short verse. Easy to memorize. But strange selection on my part, again.

Why would I want to focus on the fact that Moses does not want to lead the Israelites out of captivity? A man who God would use to part the Red Sea... give the 10 Commandments... write the first five books in the Old Testament. Why would I concentrate on the fact that he felt he was not up to the challenge? Didn't want the challenge. Standing there... wondering why a burning bush would be talking to... him?

Knowing that if the burning bush had actually been a telephone... Moses would have said, "Sorry, wrong number!" and hung up.

Here's the gist of the conversation found in Exodus 3-4.

The Lord tells Moses,
"So now, go. I am sending you...

But Moses said to God,
"Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?"

"I will be with you..."

"What if they do not believe me or listen to me and say, 'The LORD did not appear to you'?"

“Perform this sign,” the Lord told him. “Then they will believe that the Lord, the God of their ancestors—the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob—really has appeared to you.”

"O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue."

"Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the LORD ? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say."

But Moses said,
"O Lord, please send someone else to do it."

And this is where I find myself. Knowing that the Lord is leading me... and that I could easily offer these words to the Lord. Not paying attention to the fact that... He chooses to send me. He is with me. He has the power to perform signs and wonders. He created me.

Knowing that a time is coming soon when the Lord will say to me, "Sheri, now go. I am sending you." And I pray that I will not protest, but say,

"Lord, send me."

In Honor of Richard J. Henkes, II: The Forgotten Mourners

My dear friend, Tamara Henkes,
lost her brother on Sunday, September 3rd of 2006.




Richard J. Henkes, II, died in Mosul, Iraq
serving his country with pride.



"He loved what he was doing,
and he was very, very good at what he did.
It's what he knew and believed in."



"He believed in serving his country and
doing something
that would have a positive effect.
He believed he was doing something
for the greater good."


"...Always the jokester...
But be could also be very quiet.
He was very serious about what he was doing for a living.
He was a very caring and compassionate person."


Rich was awarded the Purple Heart and the Bronze Star.


"Rich always knew he wanted to be a soldier and believed in the mission in Iraq."


Rich grew up in Oregon and graduated from Clackamas High School in 1992 where he wrestled, ran track and was involved in band. He enlisted in the U.S. Army immediately after graduation.


Gwen Kalvelage, a friend of the Henkes family, visited this memorial in Salem, Oregon. She granted me permission to use these photos.


Often, siblings are "the forgotten mourners." Their grief often pushed to the side or discounted in preference to parents, spouses or children.


My small gesture... to comfort my friend, to honor her brother... and to never forget the sacrifice made by our military.


Greater love hath no man than this,
that a man lay down his life
for his friends. John 15:13 KJV

feeling self-conscious about knitting

Whenever I travel back to Maryland to visit my family, I stop by a cute little shop in Funkstown, Maryland. Y2Knit. I always pick up some yarn or patterns. At Christmas I saw this reversible stripe scarf and I thought it would be a good challenge for me.

What I didn't realize was that it is essentially knitting two scarves at the same time. One side is vertical stripes and the other side horizontal. It took me forever to complete. I did learn new techniques, but I have to say its peculiarness was not worth the time.

Then I thought... hmmm... I have a little extra yarn so maybe I'll make a hat to match. Stopped by Northwest Wools in Multnomah and found a similar fiber. Set about knitting and realized that the colors didn't really match. So, I tear the hat apart and try to weave in the colors.

I'm not thrilled with it... so then I decided to try to make mittens... well, it's almost June... so, I've given up!


I made this scarf for a friend and tried to match a sweater she likes... I made it with the ends throughout the scarf... again, rip! and made it with the ends falling at the beginning and end of the row. It's fun but not what I imagined.


Okay, well, I adore this scarf. It is to go along with everyone's favorite ILG (I Look Good) Hat. Of course, I'm a little hesitant to give it to the recipient because I tried to be artsy and use a different shade on the ends.


Wow! Talk about self-conscious! It's a theme for me... whatever shall I do to overcome it?

feeling self-conscious

It's one of those days when I feel self-conscious about blogging. But I fear that if I don't post today... it will be harder to blog the next day...

So, here I am... just checking in...

I was researching a question in the Bible. I've heard the question from two different people this week. I was not prepared with what I felt to be a convincing answer.

I went to the Word expecting a concrete answer. There wasn't one. It's one of those questions where the answer seems apparent... but is it definitive? As I look at the patterns in the Bible it appears the answer would be obvious. But could I use that in a debate?

And, now, I am wondering if I need all the answers? If God is BIG enough that I don't have to defend Him? If I can be okay with trusting the Lord... taking Him at His word... and being more concerned about why someone might be asking that question than answering it.

I do not hide your righteousness
in my heart;
I speak of your faithfulness and salvation.
I do not conceal your love and your truth
from the great assembly.

Psalms 40:10 NIV

I Come To The Garden Alone.

Marigolds, Marigolds, Marigolds. Orange and Yellow.

I so enjoyed reading your 6 Words. Thank you so much for sharing them with me.

Shepherding my flock morning and night.
Kia come schoolbus runs daily--reliable!
Carpools, cleats and projects, oh my.
Run, sweat, run, sweat, run. Repeat.
- Sheri at Magical Meals

Living God's Way Not Mine Today.
- Tammy at Breaths of Faith

Embracing Each Day Wisdom and Wonder.
- Elizabeth at Elizabeth Embracing Life

On my knees, closer to Heaven!
- Anonymous

Life lived with God is peace.
- Deborah at Boutcrazy

I come to the Garden alone.
- Ms. Daisy at The Daisy Chain

As you can imagine... I picked Ms. Daisy's! Congratulations on winning the Beth Moore audio CD set. Please e-mail me your address at sheri68lynn-sistersheri (at) yahoo (dot) com.

The Leaking Window: My Second Anniversary

Where It All Started

Tomorrow I celebrate my second year of blogging! To commemorate our anniversary, I'll retell the tale of how "The Leaking Window" arrived at its name.

Also, please stop by yesterday's post and leave a 6 Word comment... to be entered to win a prize. I'll announce the winner tomorrow.


In May of 2007, I entered the world of blog. My sister-in-law's blog, FreckledFarm was my inspiration. I love Cammyk's beautiful pictures and unpretensious posts, and I'm not alone in that thought.


Just like any other blogger, I wanted to name my blog something... well, thought-provoking, curious... or even cute. With much consideration, Christopher suggested "CheeseyWheesey." Although cute, clever, and high in protein, it wasn't the trademark moniker that I had envisioned.


Around the same time Christopher had a field trip to the Portland Classical Chinese Gardens. During the tour the guide explained to us about these curious windows throughout the garden. Each window has "a unique design depicting nature or a geometric pattern." The windows leak a view. Lan Su Yuan Leak Windows -- a “'borrowed view,' sharing a glimpse of the verdant beauty that lies beyond."

Well, I thought that was just the blog name I was looking for! Letting people have a glimpse into my life through a "window." How perfect... and to be part of a garden... well, you know how I feel about gardening...

6 Words: Pages 10-12, Write 6 Words. Win A Freebie!

Bee Harvesting Pollen In My Garden...

This is the final excerpt of a series of 12 pages of notes that I took at the Beth Moore Living Proof Live Conference in Portland, April 17-18. My intent is to review my notes... and by blogging them... I am holding myself accountable. See 6 Words for more details.

I have had a lot of fun lately with the 6 Words. I've been using 6 Words for my post titles:

• A Harvest Of Righteousness And Peace
• Because I Was In The Garden
• And You Will Receive Even More
• I'm Abiding In The Garden Today
• It's That We Won't Need Anything

Write 6 Words. Win A Freebie!
So, now it is your turn... leave a comment with 6 Words... either summarizing your current situation in life... or your past... or just praising God. One blessed participant will win an audio 3-CD set of Beth Moore at a Living Proof Life Conference in Colorado. Entitled: "Spiritual Mapping: Egypt, The Wilderness and Canaan." I've just finished listening to my set... and believe me... it is worth the effort to leave a 6 word comment today! I'll pick a winner on Wednesday.

After typing in the final notes today, I realized that yesterday's post -- unknowingly -- sums up part of what I think Beth was teaching us.

Thanks for hanging in there with me... Next time I'll take less pages of notes... (I'll just write smaller!)

Sheri's Journal Notes

Saturday Morning Comes to a Conclusion

Supporting Obstacle:

I've sown flesh.
Gonna reap flesh.

You WILL reap what you sow. If you sow flesh, you are going to reap flesh.

It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. I could go on.

This isn't the first time I have warned you, you know. If you use your freedom this way, you will not inherit God's kingdom.

Galatians 5:19-21 The Message

Supporting Objective:

Accept God's Discipline.
See Harvest Morph.

There is only one way to change what we harvest.
Hebrews 12:5-13 (See yesterday's post)
God disciplines those He loves...
Consequences will result in healing and a harvest of righteousness and peace.

If we know we have sown the flesh - the hammer will come down.
But choose to go through it well. Cooperate. Endure.
Accept your discipline!

The disciplinary process can morph you into Jesus.
You can change your harvest, but can you own your consequences?

Supporting Obstacle:

Life's so complicated.
Lost what counts.

What counts? What truly counts?

For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision has any value.
The only thing that counts
is faith expressing itself through love.
Galatians 5:6 NIV

Supporting Objective:

Morphology:
Keep The King The Thing.

The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.

Neither circumcision nor uncircumcision means anything;
what counts is a new creation.
Galatians 6:15 NIV

How do we morph into Jesus? We need to keep Jesus in His rightful place. He is the King.

A Harvest Of Righteousness And Peace

...but he who sows righteousness
reaps a sure reward.
Proverbs 11:18b NIV

I'm suffering the consequences.

Christopher was disrespectful today and I am paying the price. So is he. So is Anthony. We were supposed to do something fun together as a family, but the line had to be drawn. Somewhere.

And I hate it. I hate administering discipline. Christopher has been trying to emotionally manipulate me to get me to change my mind. It almost worked. Almost.

He's a great kid. The offense to some would seem minor. But that's Christopher. Delayed obedience, skirting the issue, quietly pushing the envelope. Nothing outright. And so we slide into this parental passivity.

But Anthony said, "I don't want to have a son who doesn't listen to his father."

As Christopher learns to respect his earthly father. To listen. To be obedient. He is being prepared for the greater good. Respecting his heavenly Father. Listening to his heavenly Father. Obeying his heavenly Father.

And although I hate administering discipline... I hate to think of the consequences if I don't...

And you have forgotten that
word of encouragement
that addresses you as sons:
"My son, do not make light
of the Lord's discipline,
and do not lose heart
when he rebukes you,
because the Lord disciplines
those he loves,
and he punishes
everyone he accepts as a son."

Endure hardship as discipline;
God is treating you as sons.

For what son is not disciplined
by his father?

If you are not disciplined
(and everyone undergoes discipline),
then you are illegitimate children
and not true sons.

Moreover, we have all had human fathers
who disciplined us and
we respected them for it.

How much more should we
submit to the Father
of our spirits and live!

Our fathers disciplined us
for a little while
as they thought best;
but God disciplines us for our good,
that we may share in his holiness.
No discipline seems pleasant
at the time, but painful.

Later on, however,
it produces a harvest
of righteousness and peace
for those who have been trained by it.
Hebrews 12:5-11 NIV

Because I Was In The Garden

"Consider carefully what you hear,"
he continued.
"With the measure you use,
it will be measured to you—
and even more.
Whoever has will be given more;
whoever does not have,
even what he has
will be taken from him."
Mark 4:24-25 NIV

I've been lingering in my garden lately. The weather has turned to spring... and so it is the time to plant my annuals.

This year I have decided to plant a couple perennials that I am not familiar with, but I look forward to discovering what they look like.. how they blossom... and even what color they are.

I plant a lot of flowers. Because I love a lot of color and blossoms. The more I plant... the more I am able to enjoy.

There were years that I rarely entered my garden. Years before I truly understood how satisfying it could be to watch my garden transform into a sanctuary. I planted nothing... I reaped nothing... and decided to spend very little time there... because it brought me no pleasure.

And there it is... with the measure I used... it was measured back to me. Plant flowers... reap flowers. Don't plant flowers... don't reap flowers.

But the amazing thing was that when I started gardening, I did discover other plants in my backyard... that were trying to grow, but they were hidden by weeds and vines. Specifically, two roses. Hidden... unbeknownst to me. Having survived years of neglect... and admiration. But because I was out there... "measuring"... planting... I received even more.

And so, I have found this to be true in my relationship with the Lord. The more time I spend with Him... in His Word... in prayer... through Bible Studies... sermons... worship... the more I receive in return. Knowledge, wisdom, discernment, peace, joy, contentment...

What is the measure you are using? A pinch? A dash? A teaspoon? Tablespoon? Or how about a cup? Whatever measure you use, it will be measured to you--and even more.

When you come to visit my garden, you will enjoy the beauty of all the glory of the flowers... but I will most certainly draw you to the two roses that were revealed to me because I was in the garden at all.

And You Will Receive Even More

Then he added,

“Pay close attention to what you hear.

The closer you listen,
the more understanding you will be given
—and you will receive even more.

To those who listen to my teaching,
more understanding will be given.

But for those who are not listening,
even what little understanding they have
will be taken away from them.”

Mark 4:24-25 NLT

I'm Abiding in the Garden Today

Thinking of You. Hanging with Him.

It's That We Won't Need Anything

lush meadows

I am sending this verse to a dear sister of mine... she's going through a lot right now. Sometimes, I think too much... but God knows. I see Him drawing her to Him. I see Him treating her with special care and attention... because she is precious to Him.

Sisters, it's not that we shouldn't want anything... it's that we won't need anything... because God will provide. He will provide a job. He will provide healing. He will provide forgiveness. He will provide relationship. He is the lifter of our head. We are loved. We are precious. We are blessed. Bask in the love today! Breathe it in... and again, and again!

With much love,
sister sheri

Psalm 23

From the Message

1-3 God, my shepherd! I don't need a thing.

You have bedded me down in lush meadows,
you find me quiet pools to drink from.

True to your word,
you let me catch my breath
and send me in the right direction.

4 Even when the way goes through
Death Valley,
I'm not afraid
when you walk at my side.

Your trusty shepherd's crook
makes me feel secure.

5 You serve me a six-course dinner
right in front of my enemies.

You revive my drooping head;
my cup brims with blessing.

6 Your beauty and love chase after me
every day of my life.

I'm back home in the house of God
for the rest of my life.