Posts

The Desert of Depression:
Celebrating January 15th, 2006
My 19th Anniversary

Image
  White Sands National Monument, New Mexico   photography by Anthony She still visits me  although she is not welcome. She knows that I am stronger. But that doesn't bother her. She's persistent. She takes advantage of any situation. A mispoken word. A hurt feeling. Hormones.  The weather. A head cold. She'll just try to sneak in... she is slow and subtle. And sometimes I let my guard down... and I let her in... And I become just like her. But it isn't for long because I have learned her weaknesess... and I have learned my strengths. I have heard that she has been visiting you lately. And you are having a hard time resisting her. You are weak. And she knows it. But she is no longer a secret. We don't have to hide her anymore. Although some do. I don't. I can't. Depression. Has been defeated. On January 15th, 2006 she came for a visit. And she was ruthless. But God has comforted me in my troubles. So now I can ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Is God Waiting For Us To Win The Lottery?

Image
"What would you do if you won the Lottery?"  Most might reply that they would whole-heartedly consider giving a large amount to charity.  But I wonder if we shouldn't wait to win the lottery before we become so generous...   Darling Ethiopian Princess with Her Treasured Toy November 2010 Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts.  But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins,  worth only a fraction of a penny. Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said,  “I tell you the truth, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others.  They all gave out of their wealth;  but she, out of her poverty, put in everything— all she had to live on.” Mark 12:41-44 NIV Poverty. I grew up in what I considered poverty. Some nights dinner consisted of cold cerea...
1 comment
Read more

All I Want is for My Daughter to be Whole
and off those Antidepressants...

Image
In Honor of World Mental Health Day - It’s time to talk about it. Here is a post I wrote on July of 2009. "But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers." Luke 22:32 NIV I had never met her before. I had joined my mother for a luncheon and I just happened to sit next to her. A godly woman... perhaps almost 70 years old... well-put together. She explained to me that her daughter was dealing with depression. And then she boldly exclaimed, "All I want is for my daughter to be whole and off those antidepressants!" My eyes widened. My throat got tight. My heart hurt. And immediately I began the self-talk. If you're going through the study Me, Myself & Lies, you know what I'm talking about... the talk that goes on in our head... often destructive in nature. And if not properly taken captive can tempt me to destroy everything that God has instilled in me. And ...
3 comments
Read more

Dusty Prayers

Image
View from the Mount of Olives   Remembrance Stones on a Jewish Grave Have you ever wished that Jesus would hurry? A song plays in my head... "Jesus, hurry come back for us we cannot wait..." and I have to admit that I've lived most of my life wishing for it. Why be here if heaven is so great and Jesus is there with no pain and with no tears? Why wait? Until the other day when I saw God's hand at work. I saw movement in prayers that are over 25 years old. My dusty prayers being answered.  My “dusty prayers” are prayers that I pray and pretty much leave on a shelf.  That is until I hear someone say, "Let's pray for any lost loved ones." And I wondered... if... let's just say... Jesus really had hurried?  But now my heart is so encouraged that I have decided to take a couple more prayers off the shelf. Dust them off and start praying and petitioning and anticipating and looking for God's hand.  And I'm thinking that you probably have ...
2 comments
Read more

Good Friday, April 2nd, 1999

Image
 An excerpt from a journal I kept during my pregnancy.  A Good Friday I will never forget.  I love you, favorite son. To my unborn son on Good Friday, April 2nd, 1999 - I am three weeks away from giving birth to you. After months of  pre -postpartum counseling, I am still afraid of the change that is to occur. Terrified. FEARFUL. I attend Good Friday Service at our church. It is a small gathering in the old chapel. I am sitting in the back. Communion is served. As I take communion, I realize that you are taking communion, too. We are taking communion together. And I think... we will never have this opportunity, again.  After months of feeling distant from you... I suddenly feel as if we have bonded. We have shared something. Something intimate and private. And I thank God for that moment. That realization. Something now that is embedded in my heart and soul. And although you would never remember this moment, I will for the rest of my life.   And it wou...
Post a Comment
Read more

You Have Stayed Long Enough At This Mountain

Image
  "...You have stayed long enough at this mountain."   Deuteronomy 1:6  I love words.  Especially words of affirmation.  Well, let’s get real - POSITIVE words of affirmation.  Who doesn’t?  But there was a time in my life that affirmation was like an addiction to me.  When I was younger, I would find affirmation wherever I could.  I just wanted to be noticed. It became addictive.  The Lord helped me to see that some of the ways were destructive.  And most were not fulfilling and definitely not long-lasting. So, I began to find ways to fill my need for affirmation that were constructive.  Positive friendships.  Trying to change my expectations.  Affirming myself.  And yet, it wasn't enough.  There would always be one or two people who I felt should affirm me, but didn't... and I would be crushed. I came to a crossroads.  As I began mentoring other women, the topic of affirmation would come up...
Post a Comment
Read more

Did God Really Say...

Image
Originally published on January 24, 2014 The Ethiopia/Uganda Chronicles Chapter Four - The Doubt Ethiopian boy chasing the team van.   photography by Anthony Kaetzel It was November.  A Saturday.  We were scheduled to get our immunizations for Ethiopia and Uganda later that morning. He came down the stairs and he was upset.  He told us that he just realized he would be missing a couple of competitions in February when we were in Africa.  He was beside himself.  These were competitions that he had been preparing for... one for almost a year. He wondered to us if he was really supposed to go to Ethiopia and Uganda.  He didn't feel called.  Perhaps God had spoken to us about it, but God had not spoken to him.  He was frustrated. His father calmly asked him to find out the dates of the competition to be certain that they were conflicting with our trip to Africa.  He went upstairs.  He went to hi...
Post a Comment
Read more